It's getting a little easier day by day

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#1 July 26, 2012 - 9:06am
Lisa Mitchell
Lisa Mitchell's picture

It's getting a little easier day by day

I have not been able to remain in nc with my nc but since May I have been able to make it 2-3 weks at a time with nc. Since I have been learning about npd I view him in a different way a fe times when I broke the nc rule I did'nt really want to go back but I felt lonely and just wanted to talk to him and the conversations were the same o same o. I learning that it's not me that its him. He has no empathy, no feelings, that ever thing he says is a lie I've realized that he tells half truths. It's so funny that I caught him in lies all the time. He will contradict himself in the same sentence. The other day I told him don't project on me how u feel about yourself. haha I don't believe he even knew what I was talking about. You see before reading blogs on this site I LIVED AND BREATH him. Now my eyes are clearing I not there yet but I don'tdrive to hours to see him every time I'm off work. And it makes him mad. I go for days without talking to him. Sometimes I turn my phone off you see in the past I would never do this but I feel like I'm slowly getting a little better. My divorce is set for Aug 16th. I pray that he doesnt show up! then I will be granted the divorce automatically. This is bad but I even told him I cancelled the divorce so that he dosent show up. This is wrong but I want to play him like he has played me. Oh well if he shows up so be it.My nar is a drug addicted, he hasnt worked in 2 years, takes money from anybody he can get it from, lies, cheats and steals anything he can get his hands on. And would be furious if he knew that I havealready rented a place 2 hours away!!! hahahaha You see I work a couple of hrs from where we lived and stayed with my sister in the past on the days that I work. I took my daughter school shopping this week. WE went to a waterpark and to the lake twice and I so enjoyed myself. He would be MAD MAD MAD if he knew I spent money on these things because he thinks I should spend all my money on him. hahahah In the past I would not hahve done this but thanks to you all I'm doing a little more fot myself and my daugher. Yep some days I miss him no that's a lie really I think I could be obessed with him now and just want to know what his doing. I dont miss being called a dumb bitch and giving monies to all the time and listening to him talk about himself or talk about how stupid everyone is compared to him. I just tell myself fake it to u make it day by day things will slowly start to get better.I'm forcing myself to get out and put more distance between myself and the narc.

July 26, 2012 - 11:39am
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Good for you Lisa