The futile pleas for understanding
Nothing prepared me for this....not any relationships with former friends, family, or significant other. I couldn't believe that someone who loved me could treat me with such coldness. I searched for words to express how I felt and sent emails and texts trying to get understanding from my dream guy..only to be met with coldness, no empathy, no understanding.
In the beginning, he was so kind, fun and easy going...an awesome good man. I was so happy that he was normal. We cooked dinner, shopped for groceries, had family get togethers, trips, etc. As so many Ns are, he is a successful business owner with many prominent clients who praise him. He solves their problems and they admire his skill. Looking back, I can see how typical N behaviors slowly appeared (didn't know at the time)... The disinterest if the conversation wasn't about him, cutting me off mid sentence if it was something about my life, denial of affection (except when sx was involved, when I asked for a hug he'd say no and then call his dog over so he could hug him), so much more...textbook. Why did I stay? What was (is) wrong with me? Most the time he was fun and pleasant. And I always remembered the man I fell in love with...then I found out the worst.
We saw each other regularly..then he started changing plans, or just not making them...he'd not be available and then suddenly be available. He yelled at me when I'd call at night telling me he was working. He wouldn't answer or answer quickly to yell and hang up on me. It made sense somewhat...he is a PI and follows cheating spouses so hours aren't regular. Texts were coming in like crazy. My questions weren't answered..not even allowed.
Yes, I lowered myself...didn't walk away as anyone with self respect would...I did discover the truth. For 1&1/2 years of our 2 years, he used sugar babies...did before and does now. He is a member of the premier sugar baby website. The SBs send texts (sexts) and emails all day offering their services. With a click of a mouse, a text, he has supply...the ease with which he can get his supply is disgusting. A $200 dinner and then up to the hotel room. $500 and he has a fantasy world where he is king. While ignoring my flirty texts, he answered theirs. While yelling at me and denying me affection, he charmed and hugged them. He even flies to other states and drive hours to other cities for a "meeting". They offer the ultimate supply...no real expectations of equalness..just cash. Though they do think they are going to get picked for the $10,000 allowance and exciting adventures he promises on his profile(LOL). He rotates 3-4 at one time for about 3 months..then on to new ones. His phone is full of names...so easy for him to buy supply.
Even after being faced with mounds of evidence (names of 28 women, dates and hotels, his fake name) he never acknowledged...no discussion allowed. As he says, "A rich man (he's not really rich)can buy whatever makes him happy." And he is. He thinks his is the best life ever. No consequence whatsoever. No one knows but me. His clients would never believe it...they love him. I find out the truth and am left with threats of losing my job and worse...no closure, no acknowledgement, no apology, an STD, and wasted time....cold and cruel and he enjoy every minute of it. I look back and remember things...times he sent me away, checked emails (negotiating) while I was in the other room..many more humiliating memories. I should have known earlier...how blind I was. My soul is crushed and he goes on without one human kindness.
One person (only one) finally said,"He's a narcissist". Then the research began and I realized (will never understand) what I was dealing with. The confusion cleared up, but that doesn't stop the pain. I had been spending time with evilness. Others used exact words describing what I was experiencing. That helps. This website is a blessing.