stylequeen04's story

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 May 25 - 10AM
stylequeen04
stylequeen04's picture

stylequeen04's story

starting over again

Hey guys, I was really happy to find this site . I have been in a on ,and off again relationship with what i believe to be a narcissist. We were together off ,and on for three years. As everyone elses story starts from what I am seeing he was great. After meeting him at mutual friends party he called me immediately, and we were seeing each other every day. He expressed to me how refreshing it was to meet someone as special as me. At the time he stayed with his mother so he would invite me over pretty much every day. It was amazing the first 3 weeks,and then things started to get worse. He started it off by suggesting that i should stop smoking ,and drinking so much. I wasnt a big drinker or smoker then. I thought this was a bit controlling ,but at the time i thought he just cared about me . i would drink maybe once or twice on weeks since i was 23 at the time. Then it went from that to i dont like how you wear your hair, I dont really like your friends , and then you should lose weight. I remember the first time he said something that truly hurt me ,and caught off guard. He said that my weight was a issue ,and he wasnt as atractive to me anymore. He was like men are visual creatures ,and if you dont want me to talk to another girl you will start losing weight. Keep in mind I was not fat maybe like 15 to 20 pounds over my normal weight. This really hurt me. I remember breaking down ,and crying cause I wanted the person I was with to look at me ,and feel attracted. I remember him saying that i was way to sensitive ,and that annoyed him. I couldnt understand how someone could be so cold. During this time it seemed like every couple weeks he was telling me he was not sure about us ,and then coming back saying i want to be with you. I felt that this behavior was due to his diffcult childhood with his mom not being around much, never knowing his dad, and then later in life he went off to the miltary only to come back to find out his wife was pregnant with another mans child. He was scarred from ptsd from the war, and two years before this he was in prison for selling drugs. IT was alot for one person to deal with ,and i sympathized with that. I felt that the closer we got ,and the more he saw how much i loved him he would soften up. Soon after I learned i was pregnant with his child. I was scared ,and not prepared but i started to think maybe this will help our relationship. I was very wrong. The arguing ,devalueing ,and meaness continued. It would always be followed by a small period of niceness which would bring me back. I would also see that he was talking to other girls as well which really upset me. I cried almost my entire pregnancy. At the time I was staying with my sister, and a month before the birth of our daughter he asked me to get a place with him. He promised things would be different,and that we would see if we can build a relationship . He said he wasnt sure if he was ready ,but maybe us being under same roof would help the relationship grow. Silly me I believed this. All the same behavior continued until one day he decided he couldnt take ME ARGUING WITH HIM. I didnt understand this because he always started the fights. It seemed like nothing i ever did was good enough for him even when i tried my best. It also seemed he could never let a issue go,and when i called him on things he did he wouldnt take responsibility for it. Once he moved out I felt like my life was shattered. I was so upset ,and he seemed to not care. No matter how much i cried or tried to make him understand he seemed to get more upset,and more cold with me. At this point he promised to still help me with bills ,and money since he left before my lease was up. This was a lie. The first month he helped then after that he started giving less ,and less. He was even not helping out with covering daycare cost. I was soo stressed all the time. When i would get upset,and yell in angry of his lack of concern he would just hangup on me ,and tell me that if i would do things the right way with him he would help me .If i didnt he was like your on your own. I decided to put him on child support ,and try to move on with my life. Instead of paying the child support he decided he just wanted to help give money,and pay half of daycare which made no sense to me. I didnt understand why things always had to be his way or no way. After this i ended up losing my job, and had to move in with my parents. IT was a difficult couple of months ,but it helped me get myself together. After a few months there i started dating other people, hanging with friends, and getting to know myself. I even got a place for me ,and my daugther again by myself, and a new job. I was so excited to have my life back,and not care . i learned to tune out his rude critisem ,and not let the things he did bother me. I thought i was out of the woods so to speak. I was wrong. He started to notice i was spending alot of time with my new boyfriend,and not answering his calls. At this point he decided to confess his love for me ,and said I will change. He said whatever I wanted him to do he would do it. He promised this time if i took him back it would be different. I believed him. We started dating again ,things were how they were in the begining. He was putting effort into doing things i liked, we argued less,and he was more considerate. My lease at my place was up ,and i was looking to move to a new place. He asked me we could move in together. At the time his living situation was not so good because he was living with his uncle for a year, and they had a falling out so he left ,and went back to stay at his moms. At first I told him no i didnt think it was a good idea. I told him no over and over again for a couple weeks. He just continued to ask until one day i said fine. I told him i would give him a month there, and if he could prove that the arguing would stop ,and things would be different he could move in. Of course he passed the month with flying colors. So we were back together ,and living together again. A couple months into this he started becoming the same ole person again. Nothing i could do would please him ,and he would pick fights over petty things. I would try to think of fun things for us to do together ,and he would not want to do them. I started to feel alone again even though i was living with the person i loved. Flashing foward to two weeks ago . He started bringing up the fact that he was unhappy here again. He said i argued with him all the time, and being in a relationship with me at this time was too much work . HE was like i need to focus on me,my life, my future career . He was like i wanna move out ,and get my own place . I was devastated . I could not believe this was happening to me AGAIN. I couldnt stop myself from crying,and being so hurt. I told him that I would give him a month so he can find a place,and he agreed to this. In my head I was hoping he would change his mind. Everytime i try to talk to him to sort through my feelings on the situation he would say that i was so sensitive,and it annoys him. He says that this is why he cant deal with me because im always into my feelings. So to the issue at hand. Last weekend he told me he had plans with one of his female friends. It confused me because he doesnt have alot of friends in general,and out of the blue he has a female friend. I was so hurt that its only been a week ,and he is already going out on dates. He said it wasnt a date just hanging with a friend ,but i know better than that. Now at home with him it has just been so awkward. Every night he calls this girl ,and goes outside to talk to her for like a hour. I told him that it is hurtful ,and disrespectful to me that he couldnt even wait the two weeks before doing this in my face ,but he doesnt seem to care. I am truly trying to make it through these two weeks till he leaves. I feel once he moves out this will get easier for me. Right now i feel embarassed, hurt, sad, confused, so many different emotions. Please give some perspective.

May 29 - 11AM
stylequeen04
stylequeen04's picture

update

May 25 - 3PM
stylequeen04
stylequeen04's picture

Thanks spinning

May 25 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
spinning
spinning's picture

Good girl, stylequeen...

spinning

May 25 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
stylequeen04
stylequeen04's picture

Just had a argument with him!!!!!!

May 25 - 11AM
TryingToMoveForward
TryingToMoveForward's picture

You're in the right place!

May 25 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
stylequeen04
stylequeen04's picture

your in right place reply

May 25 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Stylequeen, every time I read

spinning