Why can't i stop? is it me?

i keep thinking it's me...something sick inside of me that makes me keep begging to be heard...only to be torn down and called names and blocked like some piece of crap. Why can't i just let it go? he is happy with a new girl and i am in misery still begging for scraps of attention which usually are mean and hateful things being said to me. maybe i am the one sick and not him : (