The Narc Addict
I have made a life long habit of choosing very sick men. 5 men in 20 years who have devestated me. But I'm going to share my most recent story because it's the worst and shows how sick I've become from these relationships. I hope I can help someone with this.
My background is my father is an abusive alcoholic and my mother is an addict. I am the only female out of 8 children. Due to my parents issues I was left to raise my 7 brothers. By the age of 17 I was on my own and supported 4 of my brothers for over 8 years. I have 3 children from 2 men and I've been in love with 5 narcissists. My one older brother is a diagnosed narcissistic psychopath serving life in federal prison and I was tortured by him my entire upbringing. You would think I would be wise instead I feed off of the insanity. One good thing is that I'm strong. I have a great career and I'm successful. I'm also extremely loving and compassionate. I'm a business builder. I have the desire to always better myself and the world around me. I'm also sadly an alcoholic. All combined its made me a prime target.
I met the man I have now been free from for 4 months 2 years ago. I met him online. I was a partner in the company I had built from the ground up, owned my house, had a brand new car I paid cash for, was raising 3 thriving and amazing kids, and had been single for a couple of years.
My ex was living at the salvation army. He was exactly what I was looking for. Georgeous, completely unattached, and ready for me. He told me he had been through a really bad divorce and lost everything and was trying desperately to rebuild his life, his family was dead and he had 3 children by women who wouldnt let him see them. He cried over the loss of his children and family on the first date. I was hooked. I had lost everything in my divorce and understood and I know how nasty exs can be. He also said he used to be a meth addict but had been clean for years. Having an addicted mom I understood how it could happen but was so amazed by his recovery.
My kids were gone to their dads for the summer so I took him home, fed him, cleaned him up, bought him a new wardrobe, and polished him off. I found my new partner.
It was great at first. He showered me with attention. Told me I was the most beautiful, amazing, successful, smartest woman he had ever met. But he also told me I was good. I was pure and kind and whole. I felt like a princess. He was everything I wanted.
Then the kids came home and he started controlling things. When they could eat and what, they could only have one friend over a month, started flipping breakers to save electricity, started timing showers, and throwing away anything they left out. Then about 4 months into it he started getting very negative about my son (16 at the time). One day my son smarted off and he slapped my son then started smacking him across the back with a belt. I broke it up but started immediately trying to get him out of my house. He wouldn't leave. Then about a week later he was depressed and hadn't gotten out of bed for 3 days. I was fed up. I started packing his things and was yelling for him to leave. He pushed me so hard I did a back flip then shovede and grabbed me bruising me all over and smashed all the phones. The neighbors heard and called the police. He ran away. And I made the reports and took the pictures. He came back the next day and told me he was bipolar and needed meds and if I would help him I would have the best man ever. He begged, pleaded, cried, for hours. An officer called me the next day and told me 'this man is very dangerous. Run do not walk.' but I was gonna fix him.
We went through 2 months of MHMR, counseling, in home therapy, and got him on meds. The doctor told me 'ma'am there is nothing wrong with your husband he's here to control and manipulate you.' but I was gonna fix him.
Through the counseling the truth came out. His parents weren't dead they hated him, his ex wouldn't let him see the kids because she claims he molested them and beat her horrifically. He had been in a 2 year homosexual relationship in his 20s where he dressed as a woman. He had been married 3x. He had felonies in 3 different states and had done 2 years for domestic violence with extreme bodily harm. He had also just gotten out of prison for almost killing his Craigslist roommate. But on the meds he was totally normal and we were very happy. I had cured him of his bipolar! Even though his doctor said he wasn't bipolar. So we got married. I finally fixed him! Then the monster emerged.
On our honeymoon he brought cocaine, hid from monsters in the bathroom for 24 hours masterbating to gay porn and talking incessantly about having sex with men. I thought I was gonna die. I was devestated. We got home and I immediately started trying to get him out. He wouldn't go and the police couldn't make him leave. We went through all kinds of drug induced insanity. Him hiding in trees, calling in the mental health police, dropping him on the side of the road, him calling the police and telling them I was trying to kill him. It was insane! By this time I had sold my car to get cash, lost my job, cashed in my 401k, etc just to stay afloat because he wouldn't work and was stealing thousands for drugs. I was losing my mind. I found a friend to buy my house, grabbed my kids, my stuff and rented a different house.
I'm financially devestated. And I've only known him for 6 months. Then I started getting his mail at my new address. I came home about 3 weeks later and there he was. I called the police and because we were still married because I couldn't afford an attorney I had to let him stay or leave myself. I stayed. He would follow me from room to room saying give me money or I will give the dealer your stuff. I would hide my wallet but honestly when he was in the bathroom for hours masterbating to gay porn and pretending he was having sex with men I didn't have to think about him. So I gave him money while I planned my escape. One might it got really bad he wouldn't let up on me then proceeded to spank my daughter for leaving her backpack out. I got him calmed down and went to bed. I woke up at 2am and found him shooting up coke in the room next to my girls. I called the police. They told me if I gave them his drugs I would go to jail because possession is 9/10 of the law. I asked them to leave. My 16 year old son attacked him. I called the police back in. They removed him because a minor was involved. I was told I had 24 hours to get my kids out of MY house or they were coming back with CPS. I showed up with a Uhaul the next day and cleared out. 2 weeks later I got a call they found my husband naked in the street at 3am on a drug overdose and he'd had a heart attack and destroyed the house and car I bought him. He went to rehab.
I sent the kids to their dads for the summer. And got another house. I'm losing my mind now. I'm flat broke and trying desperately to rebuild again. I came home and he had busted in the back door. I called the police and I had to let him stay because we were still married. He had reconnected with his daughters mom in CA while in rehab. He started telling me she was his real love, 10x more woman than I would ever be etc. the kids came for a visit. The night they got there he went to the gas station and bought synthetic marijuana. Got high and hid it from his monsters. Then accused me of stealing it. Got my laptop and a hammer and said you take from me I take from you. Proceeded to show my kids what happens to people who steal from him by smashing it to pieces. I called the police. They said I had to leave. 2 days later my children's father served me with a restraining order and a child custody case. I agreed to let them go with their dad for one year while I got out of the mess. That night he found his pot and accused me of trying to trick him. He threw his plate of food at me then threw me against the wall and on the floor then threw his beer bottle at my head. Then called his ex and told her he was leaving his crazy wife got in the jeep I bought him and drove to CA. Thank God. Until she took one look at him and the victim in her emerged and she said 'hell no!'. He was back in a week and I had to move again.
Got an apartment. And came home to him again. Again the police said he's my husband and has a right to everything I have. I started planning. Over then next four months I was tortured. Mercilessly. Finally I caught him shooting up and he held me down by my hair for 4 hours telling me the only way I would ever get away was in a body bag. I vanished. Completely. When he figured out he wasn't gonna find me and court orders would be in place before I tried to rebuild this time he posted a dating profile. The first 2 dates were bombs. The 3rd date he moved from my apartment to her apartment in 2 days and asked her to marry him on day 3.
Now is where I get really sick. I started texting, emailing, begging him to come back. Told him I would change my religion, give him all the money and let him have sex with men while I watched. I sat in a dark room for 2 months and drank myself stupid crying my heart out. His new fiancé texted me telling me how wonderful he was and how she couldn't believe how I could be so horrible to such a wonderful man.
Today I'm getting MDMR therapy for PTSD and codependant. It's been 4 months and u still miss him so much it is physically painful. But i now know how sick I've been and I know what the problems are and Im working on me for the first time in my life. I'm healing. I'm hurting. And I'm growing. I finally get it. Even if I did email his new woman just yesterday to warn her. I'm trying.
The hardest part is the psychological damage. He treated me like a princess one second then told me I disgusted him the next. He was nice to his patents one second then telling them he was gonna piss on their graves the next. He was nice to my kids one second then tell me he hated them because they took from him the next. He hated my son completely because he wanted all the attention and would tell me he hoped he died or went to prison and got raped. He would call his ex and beg her to terminate his rights to his daughter saying he wished she would die because all his daughter was was a financial burden and he hated her. I had to cut and color my hair, change my make up and clothes. I was accused of cheating even though he was so obsessive I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom by myself. It was a nightmare.
His mom called me 6 months into the relationship and said. I have one thing to say to you. Get away from my son. He's a diagnosed narcissistic sociopathic drug addicted homosexual. He will destroy your life. He will strip you of your children, bankrupt you, beat you and leave you with nothing. Get your kids and run for your life.
My other 4 stories will come at a later date. Although not as traumatic equally as narcissistic.