Rejecting the Rejectors- Curious How The Narcs Process This....

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#1 April 13, 2012 - 10:42am

Rejecting the Rejectors- Curious How The Narcs Process This....

I am going through divorce from narc. We have children, but I am NC with narc and his family. Sometimes I have had to go LC with narc because of our children, but it is rare.

Narc is living with OW and does not live close by. I am so thankful for this. He knows I want nothing to do with him and that I am completely disgusted by him, his family and want absolutely nothing to do with any of these toxic people.

He still tries to be abusive if he has the opportunity but the opportunity for this is rare since I basically cut him off at the knees. My family wants nothing to do with him or his family and will not acknowlege any of them. There is complete rejection. The bottem line is the rejector is being rejected in return. I have myself and my life back and he knows it. He knows we all look at him and his family as toxic, disgusting losers. I am a little curious how this resonates with the narc. Any thoughts?

April 14, 2012 - 9:54am

Ns don't care, they really

Ns don't care, they really don't - they show no remorse, they are never sorry, they have shallow emotions and they move on immediately. If they have new supply, and they usually have at least one OW ready, a N isn't interested in what an ex is doing though they will almost certainly be telling lies about the ex and how 'unstable' and 'awful' they were to gain sympathy/pity/secure new supply. Unfortunately, they often come across as genuine in this situation as we have often acted bizarrely/appeared insane as we were being abused. Ns never believe a relationship is over however so they tend to come back at some point and attempt to destroy supply all over again.

April 14, 2012 - 6:29am

They view you as property.

They view you as property. You are theirs to do with as they please. When the toys rebel, they must be punished!

April 14, 2012 - 3:58pm (Reply to #12)

the ex n.. used to say to me

the ex n.. used to say to me .. the sooner you learn to behave yourself the better! so defo a toy that wouldnt behave!

April 14, 2012 - 10:47am (Reply to #7)


I guess that's why he was so surprised about me taking my maiden name back! LMFAO!

April 14, 2012 - 11:09am (Reply to #8)

My exN's ex wife kept his

My exN's ex wife kept his last name when they got divorced, bet he loved that! lol!

April 14, 2012 - 3:57pm (Reply to #9)

so did my ex n ex wife and

so did my ex n ex wife and yes he loved it..... I dont think she is free of him yet.... ewwww. xx

April 15, 2012 - 7:41am (Reply to #10)

i dont think she ever

i dont think she ever understood he was a narc cos for about 6months after he left her she was still sending him letters and calling him asking for him to come back, she met someone else then and has been with him ever since. but she still is friends with N's friends and still has mutual friends on facebook and hangs out with them so it wouldnt surprise me if N tries to hoover her again!

April 15, 2012 - 8:21am (Reply to #11)

Same for his ex . She didn't

Same for his ex . She didn't want him back but she couldn't understand why she was replaced so quickly... And he continues to abuse her cos they have a little boy together x

April 13, 2012 - 10:54am

First, i'm so happy that

First, i'm so happy that you're on with a new life. Congrats to you! And it's great you have such a supportive family in this. Sometimes, that's not always the case, as many people don't 'get' what narcissism truly is, even when we explain it.

I'd say that from me experience, (I dumped my ex, he didn't dump me)...he sought revenge. Tried to humiliate me. Tried to discredit me amongst our friends. I broke NC a few times, but once I stuck to it, he got even worse, I was told. Then, once I dumped all the toxic 'friends' we once shared, he started writing to my email addy, through an alias.

So, if that gives you any idea...of what they think of our 'rejection.' They simply can't handle being ignored or rejected. Your ex is preoccupied with his new woman, but when she ceases to jump through his abusive hoops, he will try to get to you. Stunned that you have shunned him.

I believe that is how they process rejection, and NC. It's like pouring water on the wicked witch as seen in The Wizard of Oz. It truly destroys them.

Not why we should go NC, of course...but it does affect them.

April 13, 2012 - 11:07am (Reply to #2)

So true, Deidre99!

I am very lucky to have an extremely large and supportive family. What really helped us is educating ourselves on NPD. We all know so much about it and the benefits of NC. You find out what losers these people are. I really think that we should just call them losers because that is what they are!

When the narc found out I was going back to my maiden name once the divorce is final, he was very surprised, lol! I found this hilarious! Did he really think I was going to keep his name? No way! Part of me reclaiming my maiden name speaks volumes to me returning to myself. More narcissistic injury to him I guess...

April 14, 2012 - 8:47am (Reply to #5)

I too went back to maiden name

This part is really interesting. I had decided to keep with his name for my d12 sake. She one night out of the blue said "Mom you don't want to be the 2nd Mrs. x in our town (when Exnh marries OW skank)...and personally, if it were me, I'd dump it. Doesn't bother me". So, when I told lawyer and stbxh I was returning to maiden name, I too believe he was shocked. He then went on this long rampage about how D12 was "not going to change her name" and on and on...even though I never even brought it up.

So wierd but true to narc fashion. His first thought was keeping his name of course and all it meant for HIM....

I think they experience rejection by replacing us. I rejected him and asked for divorce finally. He immediately replaced me because HE HAS NO LIFE OR IDENTITY OF HIS OWN.

My family too is wonderrul and have also educated themselves on narcisssim, PD and such. They Want NOTHING to do with him after all the bullshit he has done to me and d12 since he left.

April 13, 2012 - 1:06pm (Reply to #3)

I'm truly impressed that your

I'm truly impressed that your family took the time to educate themselves about the disorder. Seriously, it's so very hard to get 'outsiders' to see what we see. They might think the person is abusive, but they still don't grasp the whole thing. So happy they are there to support you, can't say that enough!

Question...just say you 'cut him off at the knees.' Does this mean he can't really contact you? You have children, how does that all play out? Not meaning to pry, but just was curious, as to what you meant by that...'cutting off at the knees.'

And I applaud you for going back to your maiden name!

April 14, 2012 - 10:43am (Reply to #4)


We do not have contact unless it is official business (the children, etc.). What I meant by that is the narc no longer is a part of my personal life.

Divorce parenting classes through the courts emphasize going from a personal to a business relationship. This is disastrous for narcs, because they are cut off from you.

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