I am sooooo sorry guys, PLEASE, be patient with me

I know my posts are all over the place.....thank you guys for all your support. Overall, there are so many deep seated pathological issues with him, that I think all of you are right. Even for the months things were going pretty good (and the "pretty good" was in comparison to the previous 8 months....there were still many, many issues. He really is very deeply disturbed and I know that in my gut. I am very ashamed of myself for even staying this long.

I am so sorry I am going back and forth with this.....I can not even describe how confused I am right now. My brain is spinning, and it wont shut off. As each day passes now, he becomes meaner and meaner and now that he has a back up (and he is making sure he tells me about all the women he has lined up......even that right there is just not normal, no "christian" would be out on the prowl 2 weeks after their wife left.....we have not even filed divorce papers yet)....it is so bad right now....he is so tormenting me....in some sick way, he wants me to leave so he can say to everyone that he was "abandoned"....I'm sure that will get him at least a few dates.

This whole situation is so messed up. I think he is planning to throw me away soon anyway. I hate him so much for ruining my life....I know I have "shown up for the abuse" every day, but when they mess with our minds so much, I don't even know what is right and wrong....normal or abnormal, etc, etc. Why in the world would I even care if he starts seeing someone else....he is going to do it anyway.

He is a monster......I just can't believe people like this exist!!! I WILL GET OUT OF THIS....I WILL BREAK FREE OF THIS......BE PATIENT WITH ME, I AM VERY GLAD I FOUND THIS FORUM.....THANK YOU ALL, AGAIN, VERY MUCH!!!