cloak of gold

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#1 March 21, 2012 - 11:30am

cloak of gold

I read an article about putting you on a pedestal, and it got me thinking that far from him doing this to me, I think I did it to him. I believed he wore a 'cloak of gold' ! Every time I looked at him I thought he was special (not in the latter days). I had him on a throne. The funny thing is I didn't really like him at first. He just grew in my eyes as a demi god. I thought he was soooo special. I had butterflies in my stomach when I thought of him, but they turned into tight knots, I was scared of him. Still am.

Is this normal? I mean the way we idolize them? After all said and done he is simply a man, nothing really. He is actually very red faced with anger and booze, and is quiet fat, although I didn't see it at the time.

March 21, 2012 - 9:11pm

Hi Brit, I definitely

Hi Brit,

I definitely understand what you're saying. Never thought my N was attractive until we got together and he started all the idealization BS. He's got a big beer belly and double chins and his hair is thinning...he's 43 but could easily pass for close to 50. HOWEVER, it got to the point where I found him utterly irresistible, and devilishly handsome. It's like I zoned in and idealized on all the small details...his intense eyes, broad shoulders, nice calves. Wth, his calves??!! And the more I got to know him, the more I idealized his intelligence and wit, to the point that I started to feel like my own intelligence/personality/attractiveness was inferior to his. How the hell do they do this to us? The funny part is, I was on his FB today sending looking at his photo, I'm not seeing the physical attraction as much now. Not that I woukdn't still jump into bed with him in a weak moment, which is why I have to stay NC, but it seems like I'm gaining a little perspective. Prince charming's luster is starting to dull just a little.

March 21, 2012 - 1:25pm

He definitely put me on a

He definitely put me on a pedestal, we had a couple of playful disputes about my alleged perfection and he refused to accept that I wasn't perfect. That made me uneasy. I wish I'd known then what I know now, what his seeing me that way signified.

I never saw him as perfect. There were things he said and did I disagreed with, some of his mannerisms I didn't like, particularly in public the way he behaved sometimes made me squirm, some of the ways we related to each other weren't great but I took it all as a package deal and I loved him warts and all and figured the stuff we can work on, we will, and the rest isn't important. No one's perfect including me and I didn't expect him to be.

What I did put on the pedestal was our "love", that third entity in the equation. The love I thought we had felt so perfect, so right, it was a function of these two people coming together 'at long last' and it was beautiful. Love is a beautiful, sacred thing. My love was real. His was contrived.

The only pedestal he's on now is as a statue in the Narc Hall of Infamy, pigeons gleefully splattering shit all over him.

March 21, 2012 - 12:40pm

thank you

How lovely to make new friends. This forum is a life saver for me. xxx

March 21, 2012 - 4:50pm (Reply to #8)

SAME HERE BRIT! Glad to have new friends

that aren't out to use subterfuge and destroy us!



March 21, 2012 - 12:27pm

You Idealize them in the begginning

beacuse they are a real FAKE, they mirror you and all your wonderful qualities! They of course want to keep you around so they are fun and witty and full of b.s., then you finding yourself putting them first before you, and then when they got you right were they want you, the devaluing starts! Then destruction, if ya stick around long enough!


I f i had a person that treated me as well as I treated him all the time, I certainly wOuld not be treating the like shit! WTF!

March 21, 2012 - 12:26pm
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hi Brit

I always like reading your posts. I think we would be great friends if we lived nearby. I know exactly what you mean. My X was very handsome & knew it. He was so arrogant. But I thought "look how tall he stands. He's so confident". I catered to him, told everyone how lucky i was. blah blah blah.

I found this plaque in a thrift store

woman was created from the rib of a man
not from his top him
neither from his be walked upon
she was made from his be his equal
from beneath his be protected by him
from very near his be loved by him

I used to only consider men who are extremely handsome, but no more. How shallow I was.

March 21, 2012 - 12:01pm

The are master manipulators..

The are master manipulators..

It's the only thing they are good at if you think about it..


March 21, 2012 - 12:32pm (Reply to #2)

They suck!

I wish i could put them all on an Island and we could all watch as its NUKED, bigmushroom clowd of burning Narc Psycho ashes, going to HELL!



March 21, 2012 - 4:53pm (Reply to #3)


now that has made me smile!! there would be a hellish long queue to press the button! lol

March 21, 2012 - 10:42pm (Reply to #4)

It's really sad but I have

It's really sad but I have thought that if he would just die.... I wouldn't care at all. I'd puke on his grave.

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