I am over your BS, B. S.!

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#1 March 15, 2012 - 3:40pm
Natashroom's picture

I am over your BS, B. S.!

OMG, what a relief! It has been 2 weeks since I decided to move on and cut communication, but about a week since our last communication where he, of course, noted that it was him who broke up with me! (Surprise-surprise!)

It wasn't very easy to move on, and I have been missing him a lot. At first I was angry for the way he treated me, than started worrying about him, then I learned about narcissism and realized that he was one big fat N.

Then I became sorry for poor thing with distorted personality, then I became sorry for myself, then angry at him again, then once again started missing him and developing unrealistic desires of him to turn out to be not a N, and for us getting back together again...

We both have paid memberships on a dating site, where he turned out to have not one but three profiles. And I couldn't resist peeking at all of them. It wasn't hard to recognize him in all three. And, of course he couldn't not have noticed that I looked at them.

So in one of the profiles he just added a line "No BBW or obese!" (I have some extra weight) Totally another way to control and hurt me even after we split up. Needless to say, that he didn't mind my body for 5 month we have been seeing each other! He has pretty high standards and I am pretty sure he liked me, and I was attractive to him physically. And now this, to let me think again how unworthy I was of him!

And this just stroke me. At first it hurt, of course, but then I started thinking. This man have been seeing me for a few months, we have been engaged in substantial intense sexual interaction, he did bring me back once again already after we had a short break-up during this time. He does like me and having sex with me. So, the only reason he would write that is to sting me knowing that it's my raw spot.

Up to that point I actually thought he was - yet distorted a bit but in general - normal and even had deep compassion and sorrow for him. But now when he did that it's so damn easy for me to see who he actually is - empty, shallow, selfish self-absorbed heartless creature that can't get love in any other way than manipulative, cause he has nothing - NOTHING - to give.

Thank god and thank you, BS (actually, his initials!). I just deleted all your contact information from my phone and now intend to go clearly NC (actually MY initials!!!), and now it's even EASY! Because I am freaking over your BS, B.S.!

Moving on and happy - that I won't be the one whom you will brainwash and utilize from now on. I can't even say "find another toy" because you don't deserve any of living women, regardless of how deserving of bad treatment they may be. Nobody deserves anybody as bad as you, mean empty shell. But what I know already - you are going to be alone. You are now. And you will be.

Hasta La Vista.