2good4u's story

Goodbye Time

My story...where to begin. Feels like there have been a hundred beginnings with my N.

First, I wish I would have used the username of 2good4him instead since that is who the "u" is aimed at.

My N came into my life 5 1/2 years ago. He was so amazing the first 3 months. So attentive, caring, thoughtful and completely swept me off my feet. I am a single mother of 2. I had been with my ex husband for 11 yrs. I was finally on my feet again after a 2 yr divorce and felt great. I was told I was beautiful, motivated, successful and had so much to offer a new relationship. When he came into my life I thought everything was falling into place.

My N never left me once. I always had to kick him out. He worked on the road and was home every weekend. He called and text every day and night and I just didn't think he would have had the time to cheat. I enjoyed the space since I had been on my own for a while and liked not having someone to answer to every moment so it felt really right.

Then....then 3 months into it OW contacted me saying she had been involved with him for many years on and off. I ended up talking to his family and friends about her and they all reassured me she was nuts and that she was just trying to cause problems because she was never able to let him go. I had met all of his family and friends and he seemed to be so normal so I had no reason to not believe them and just wrote that one off. Another 3 months down the road he seemed to start having to work extra days on the weekends and a few nights here and there he claimed that he fell asleep early and that is why he didn't call to say goodnight. I was concerned but still not overly as I was still in contact with his friends and family and he had really sucked my kids and I in 150% by then. Went as far as to ask my kids if he could marry me. We went on a number of vacations together and he seemed to be so good with the kids and wanted to have a couple more "when we got married".

Another few months down the road his mothers 50th Birthday party was coming up. He claimed he couldn't come home for it but his dad had enlisted my help so I was involved with the planning and preparing for it. The night came and OW showed up as she also thought she was exclusive with him. Nice, right? He came home the following weekend when I tried breaking up with him but managed to get his cell phone first and discovered yet another woman he was "exclusive" with. I ended it then and was very angry and hurt that he could do something so low. I changed both my home and cell phone numbers and cut off communication at that point. He was out of my life for over 9 months! I had not gotten closure yet when he managed to steal my numbers out of a mutual friends cell phone and he began contacting me. I ignored him for a few weeks but then he got more persistent and started calling my house when my kids were home and I finally talked to him. Feeling that I had not yet gotten closure I agreed to meet with him. He cried so hard and begged for hours for me to give him another chance. Swore on his dead brother's grave that he had changed, saw the damn light and was hit up along the side of the head with karma and I fell right back into it!

Things were good again for a number of months but I was never happy with myself or the situation I had put my kids back into. I was never believing him because he would disappear a day here and there and claim to fall asleep after work. He worked 4 hours away the last year so I couldn't just drive to see if it was true. It seems I kicked him out every other month this last year and he would come back sweet talking me and I felt so off kilter all the time. Like I was never getting a chance to wrap my mind around what was going on or his lies or what might actually be the truth. He went as far as to drive the road I take to work in the morning a couple of days when he was off of work to just see me. It felt like he was saying he "You can't ever get away, I will find you some way or another". The last year was complete and total hell with him for myself and for my kids. I didn't know that people could be so sick. And I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop...and it did a month ago. I was contacted by yet another OW. When I ended it a few more came forward!! Yeah, that's right. Some of them where holding out that he would end it with me and be with them. Some were even stalking my facebook waiting for a relationship status change! One even said that he told her that if she said anything to me about their relationship that he would never speak to her again. Like he is some kind of precious gift to her, a life line even.

I found out that he told his family and friends that I was crazy and wouldn't leave him alone so he is now making me look like the first girl who approached me.

He was never angry with me. I think we got into maybe a half dozen fights the entire time we were together. He always praised me as a mother, girlfriend, friend and lover. He never just left and made it easy for me to walk away. I have been NC for 14 days. I blocked his number right away but gave in and sent him an ars chewing on Valentines day because I was really angry but if he replied I knew I would never get it and didn't want to. I know I shouldn't have gave him that validation especially on that particular day but I was hurting and angry and need to vent before I exploded.

I feel that I am on the road to recover and found this site shortly after my last contact with him. The more I have read about narcissism the more empowered I feel and am so grateful for this forum and everyone that has the strength to post and tell their story. The thing I struggle with the most now is not having him text me to ask how my day is or say goodnight beautiful I love you. Although I know it was all a show, a nightmare really.

I realize I spent the majority of our relationship trying to get back to the first 3 months and know now that the entire relationship was fake for him and I fell in love with someone that doesn't exist but knowing this doesn't exactly take the pain away or give me closure. I know he is the lowest of pigs and I am thankful that I was able to walk away now, run actually. But I still find myself thinking about him constantly and it makes me angry. And more so that I am embarrassed and guilty that I put my children through this over and over. I feel so much shame that I was that naive to his crap that I gave in. I know that I deserve better and knew it at the time but somehow he had that power over me. Thankfully I have a large family and many friends and even though I had pulled away from some of them this past year, they all have opened their arms to me again and are helping me through this. I have started seeing a therapist as well and we are planning on bringing my children in to speak to her as well. I feel more clear than I have in years but I also know that he will try to contact me in time. I don't know if it will be tomorrow or 2 months or 2 years. But I know he will show back up and try to swindle his way back in. I only hope that when that day comes I am strong enough to erase it and not give it another thought.

I find it very surreal as I sit here typing this out that I am living this right now. It seems like stuff you only see in the movies.