It's all the same....

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#1 Feb 10 - 9AM
HelpMeHeal's picture

It's all the same....

.... only the names have changed.

My story, which I haven't posted yet, sounds similar to many of yours. It's amazing how these creatures are so much a like. As much as I'd rather not waste my precious time on a letter to HIM, I do believe it will aid in my recovery and your comments on my other posts are Help(ing) Me Heal. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Here goes...

Dear exN,
If I could turn back time, I would erase the last year of my life in it's entirety. I would have stayed content with being "bored" at home, taking care of my house and family. I would have remained faithful to my husband, honest to my kids, true to myself, but I can't. The best I can do now is let you know how I feel about you and hope in time, I will come to terms with the fact that I am human and humans are not perfect. You are BY FAR my biggest regret in life. THE BIGGEST. I actually can't think of any other regret that even comes close.

I wasn't out there looking for love. Not at all. It never even crossed my mind. You found me, and preyed upon me through mutual friends. Facebook is your tool of choice. You crave the attention it brings your way. The attention from women and men a like, doesn't matter as long as they pay attention to YOU. I often wonder how you operated prior to it's advent. It sure is convenient though, isn't it? A virtual brothel and your line-up was your friends list! You sured me up as your next victim and then pounced, but you made sure I was good and ready for your advances because even the smallest hint of rejection, you just could not stand.

And so it began, the long conversations, the constant text messages, the daily visits, the kind-hearted speak, the gifts, the trips, the promises of forever, the "we are soulmates". The fact that this was all bullshit still blows my mind but I accept it to be true.

You must have been doing this to women for years because you are just so skilled. You've got everything timed out to the minute - who you will call, who you will text, who you will see. While all of the good men (including my husband) are out earning their pay, you are content with cheating the system and going door to door to be with each of your lovers during the day. You absolutely disgust me.

You are an pitiful excuse for a man. You lie to your wife, your multiple OW, your employer, your friends, your family, yourself. You lie about EVERYTHING - big and small. Things you don't even need to lie about, you did. You are pathological. Do you know that? It started to drive me mad, and when I started to confront you, you started to withdraw. The silent treatment began. Texts, calls and visits lessened. I was the crazy one. You didn't know what to tell me, we just weren't working anymore. FUCK YOU. You were not working for ME anymore. If I had kept my mouth shut, I would have worked for as long as I allowed you into my life.

As I sit and ponder the situation from beginning to end, I realize I was never your only OW. That repulses me to the core. I now know that I replaced the last full-timer and was replaced by the next. And some part-timers remain on your rolls. Good luck to all of them because you are SO NOT WORTH IT.

I went from the love of your life to a name without a face within days. After months of sleepless nights, weight loss, crying to friends, STD tests and treatment, I have decided that I don't care what happens to you next. I actual find joy in knowing that I am returning to my old life and that it's not nearly as bad as I once thought it was. I find joy in knowing I will laugh, smile, and experience life again. And you? You will always be the one spending your days chained to your cell phone, hiding from your wife, sending and receiving nude pics, watching porn, and surfing facebook. You have no chance of living a normal life.

Ordinarily I would be saddened by this. Ordinarily I would forgive, but in the case of you, I am not and I won't. Never.



Feb 25 - 3AM
TheBird's picture

Great letter

Thank you for writing a lot of the things that I am feeling. I am just about ready to write my letter myself and post it. You have so much more courage and confidence than you thought you did. What a great letter.
Feb 20 - 10PM
sohurt12345's picture

Thank you for sharing

"It started to drive me mad, and when I started to confront you, you started to withdraw. The silent treatment began. Texts, calls and visits lessened. I was the crazy one. You didn't know what to tell me, we just weren't working anymore. FUCK YOU." I like that. I like that a lot. It's true. We were good enough for them as long as we kept our mouth shut and submitted to what they wanted. As sad as this is, it's the truth. They sucked us dry. And we were so far into it, we wanted to believe in the good in them. Please continue to share. It helps all of us.
Feb 20 - 12AM
ACgirl's picture

I just read this and it was a

I just read this and it was a great goodbye letter. Actually, reading what you wrote helped me release a little more anger that I still have inside. I find that reading on this site and posting is so helpful because so many of our stories are the same. As I look back I remember so many things now more clearly then I did then. I didn't want to look at the truth before, but now I do. Now I want to see and remember everything, all the lies, all the OW, all the hidden text messages, disappearing acts, all of it. He thinks he is giving me the silent treatment now, but what he doesn't know is that I win. I had my last say with him. I finally had the last word and I feel GREAT. He lost. I won because I got out and I know the truth and he knows that I do. Thank you for writing what you did. I felt your pain and understood what you went through. I have regrets too, but the good news is that we have the rest of our lives to live happy, and the narcs will be miserable for the rest of their lives. ACgirl.
Feb 12 - 4PM
aquabella's picture don't happen to don't happen to live in the Dallas area do you? I think we may have dated the same guy...oh wait...they're ALL the same guy! Nice job with your letter! xoxo Lynn