My final goodbye

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#1 Feb 9 - 12PM
Phoenix2012
Phoenix2012's picture

My final goodbye

I can't take one more step towards you, because all that is waiting for me is regret. I cannot live inside your box anymore.
I had learned to live half alive. I had learned to keep my mouth shut to avoid a fight. I had learned to accept the scraps of time that you threw my way.
I lived in a prison--starved for attention, warmth, joy and love.

I waited so long for you to battle your demons and become a good man.
Your demons won, every time. You turned them loose on me whenever I tried to battle them.
You will never do what it takes to get rid of them.
Instead, you will keep running--all around the world--trying to escape them. You will avoid being with the people who see you for who you really are, demons and all. You simply don't want to face the truth.

You have to have ice in your soul to treat people you claim to love that way. Don't ask me to live that way again. You have broken every promise. You have left so many scars. You tore our relationship apart.

I found my way out of your box, and I put the light back in my eyes.
I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms. So don't come back for me, don't come back at all. Don't make anymore promises. You don't get to be the man who loves me anymore

Feb 25 - 3AM
TheBird
TheBird's picture

Great post

Thank you for mustering the courage to write this and sharing it with us. I know exactly how you feel. I, too, am ready to say good-bye. I am ready to walk away and NEVER look back. I put him on a pedestal and believed his lies for years. Please keep posting.
Feb 23 - 8AM
Phoenix2012
Phoenix2012's picture

Thank you

Thank you for your comments. They help. Just knowing that there are other brilliant, wonderful people who have gone thru the same pain/emotions makes me feel less ashamed for putting up with it for so long. We have all emerged from the painful isolation, and now we can all help each other get our light back.
Feb 23 - 12AM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Wow...Phoenix

This is so beautiful. You expressed my feelings exactly. i want to cry but I am not going to. I am sorry that he hurt you so deeply. It sounds like our XNs are twins. Its just so hard to wrap our heads around. We live in a world of order & accountability & consequence. They live in a world of instant gratification at any cost. Makes no sense how we get sucked in. But I am glad you see clearly now. Keep strong Gf. Hugs 2 u. BTW, I wrote my GB letter today. I am riding the roller coaster of emotions tonight
Feb 18 - 5PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

This good bye letter is

This good bye letter is wonderful! I can't imagine how it did not get read by many and commented on except for the fact that it may have posted on a very busy day on the forum and traffic was so heavy that it made it's way down the line so quickly. For that I am sorry. I wouldn't want you to feel that members ignored your post. I especially love the beginning, "I can't take one more step towards you, because all that is waiting is regret". Beautiful.