My Goodbye letter ....feels so good!
My Goodbye letter ....feels so good!
There are so so many things that I wanted to say to you. So many questions I had and so many answers I thought I needed but I don't now.
This letter is for me, for once it's about me and not you. When I met you, I thought you were amazing. I thought you were perfect and that I really wasn't good enough for you. Not good looking enough, not good enough in bed, not good enough in every way. But you said that you loved me and that you would cherish me forever. You showered me with presents and took me to the most wonderful places. You said you loved my children and that you would be there for them forever too and I believed you. They were young and looked up to you and you said that you would be a good role model for my boys. You said all the right things and before I knew it , I was head over heels and after my first husband had been so terrible , I couldn't believe I had been so lucky and had found you.
I saw signs every now and again that you weren't exactly Mr Wonderful. The jealous side, the judgmental side but I just loved you and thought that you loved me too and that you just wanted me to yourself . I had never had that and thought that maybe that's just the way it is when people are really in love.
I told you my deepest secrets and fears and shared everything with you. My home, my children, my friends and whole life. I loved you so much. Then you proposed and we married.
Then you changed. You had lied to me about money, massive debt and really the man I had fallen in love with had pretended to be someone he wasn't. I never cared about the amount of money you had, what designer labels you wore, what fancy car you drove, the expensive hotels, lavish gifts....none of it mattered and I always told you that...I just wanted you. When you realised that I knew that it was all a front then you changed. You got angry, you called me names, you ignored me, didn't look at me, smashed the doors and made me feel like the most worthless person in the world and just laughed at me when I cried.The times you got so drunk used to scare me and you knew it....the next day you would ask casually why I had slept on the sofa and why my eyes were so puffy. I usually stayed up all night crying after the drunken abuse and when I tried to tell you what you had done then you would just get mad again and accuse me of trying to start a fight. So I didn't bother in the end, I just stayed quiet and hoped and hoped that you would change.
Enough of talking about that now because you know it all. You know what you did to me time and time again and gradually over the four years, you wore me down into a woman that my friends and family didn't recognise. They would plead with me to leave you but I just thought that I could fix you. I can't fix you at all. You can't fix you...I know that now.
This wasn't my fault and now I hold my head up high cos I can see again. It's three months since I got the courage from somewhere to say no more.
The person you have been since then has just proved to me more and more that I have made the right choice.The lies you tell about me, the affairs you say I had?????, the abusive text and then the sorry texts. My friends and family are thrilled that I can see this now and the children are doing great.
I don't love you anymore, the person I loved never existed. You are incapable of love, happiness, joy and a feeling of peace and I have all those feelings now. I am free of you and when I think of you every now and again, I don't get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore, I just smile to myself because I have the chance to live again now.
You keep trying to get in touch with me...... keep trying as much as you want because you'll never ever get a response. I hope you will give up soon. Divorce starts Friday and soon this will be finished.
Enough now, that's it. It's over. I'm done.