Goodbye Friend. Money is your comfort now.

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#1 Jan 30 - 9AM
RecoveredDoorMat
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Goodbye Friend. Money is your comfort now.

What a surprise to hear from you.
Given you did not return phone calls, note or email, your brief letter was certainly a surprise.
I am sure you received my email, thanking you for our years of friendship. At that point, since you again did not respond, one would assume communication was over and the message cleanly and kindly exonerated you from having to respond.
The motive for your recent note is as much a mystery as was your response to my one request in a long history of friendship.
Let me make something perfectly clear. I continued to support you as a friend, though you used money that your were entrusted with as a gift in my son’s name. You used it for your own purposes. The pain, the sorrow in my heart was constantly with me as you made it very clear that I was to keep your actions a secret.
At that point in our friendship, I continued to befriend you, though my trust and my heart was broken. It took quite some time for me to deal with the realization that money is more important to you than my heart or my feelings or my son.
Your Father’s passing and subsequent infighting was also painful to watch, given that money will never bring a loved one back.
Just before XXX died, she let me know that she thought of me as her other mother. Given that XXX unselfishly gave so much of herself over the years, including helping us with the plans for XXX’s funeral, my love for XXX and for you was what made us get on a ferry, a bus and an airplane to get home to you as fast as we possibly could when Amy died. We were there for you. XXXX was NOT.
One time in our 33 year friendship, I asked you just one time to please leave XXXXX out of our conversations, to please understand that “XXXism’s” were painful to me, given that she did not honor XXX or come to your aid. It was infuriating to me that she could not find it in herself to get on a plane to be with you, but that is a choice the two of you made and it no longer matters to me whatsoever.
My opinion at this point should mean nothing to you, nor do I care; however, it now seems clear that XXXXX has won her dominance in the friendship game. As for you, you have XXXXX, who has the financial means that is apparently very important to you. As for me, I have the peace of mind that my husband and I will no longer experience being taken advantage of in the guise of friendship.
I am returning your note; therefore, you will have no need to worry about feeling differently some day in the future: Our friendship has been over for some time now.

Jan 30 - 10AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Beautifully written. It's

Beautifully written. It's hard at times to say good bye to a friend. But when they are toxic, saying good bye is a must. Know in your heart that you did what a true friend would do, have no regrets cutting this toxic person from your life. You and your husband will be able to live freely, without this blood sucking menace in your life. Stay strong!
Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
RecoveredDoorMat
RecoveredDoorMat's picture

Thank you, Sparrow!

Thank you so much! I have only verbally shared with my husband, another relative and my doctor, who I saw today. He wanted to know what was bothering me. He certainly is perceptive! Hearing supportive words, such as yours, is making each day easier in getting past the loss of this person. We will never get over the loss of our son, but to anyone on this site who has experienced such loss, as a parent, a child is always a part of us. The loss is always there, but the loss does change. In getting on a path to healing from the abuse of a narcissist, I think it is somewhat similar path: It is almost hard to breathe, it is with you all the time, then one day, you begin to breathe with a little less pain. Sparrow, again, so kind of you...
Jan 30 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I am so very sorry for the

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I can not imagine in my worst nightmares what you and your husband have already suffered and than to suffer at the hands of a narc. Please know that there are always members on line that you can reach out to any time of the day for support. And your husband is certainly welcome as well. We have quite a few males on the forum as well. NPD is a very disturbing disorder to begin with, but what yours did to you and your husband, and your family, is downright shameful and dispicible. They all are, of course, but this narc friend, he s in a category all by himself. Please know you are among friends here and we are happy to help you to recovery. Hugs