bgirl's story - Letter to husband

15 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 24 - 11PM
bgirl's picture

bgirl's story - Letter to husband

Letter to my husband.....victim of Hurricane N

Dear Scotty,
Not sure where to I will begin with 'I am sorry.'
I am sorry I wasn't aware that I have virtually no emotional intelligence and I couldn't protect you from what I now know was an inevitable breakdown for me.
I am sorry that when I first realized what was developing with M that I didn't tell you immediately. It was deceit by omission and I will always regret thinking I could handle him myself.
I will always carry the hurt I caused you. Always. I cannot, however apologize for it happening because nothing would have stopped me. Nothing.
Please know though, that you were always in the back of my mind, as a comparison to him, not the other way around. I KNEW on some level that something wasn't right with him but at first I couldn't pin point it and then when the negatives and abuse and contradictions and crazy making statements emerged I think I minimized them, made excuses for his behaviour and tolerated treatment I never dreamed I would :(
I know you have never and would never treat me like he did.
You said once that you were so sad because you couldn't give me what I needed....but in a sense that is a positive, your best redeeming couldn't give me the abuse that I felt comfortable with and that I was drawn to... :-|
I have so much work to do on myself. I hope that what happened to me and then subsequently all of you, may have something positive come out of it eventually. It is my worst nightmare that I have ruined any of you because of the flaws in my character/personality..:(
I honestly don't know if I will ever fully move on from this experience. I sincerely hope you can and that one day you find contentment and more happiness than you have ever previously known.
You have shown so much integrity, patience and amazing character through what would have been an incomprehensibly painful time for you. I am sorry I couldn't help you but in fact added to your burden. I am sorry that I have caused you huge amounts of emotional distress with my state of mental health but at the same time I know I will thank you for helping me in my mission  to stay alive.
Also you have shown amazing self control not to hurt or abuse either myself or him for that matter. He does not deserve a second of your time. He will relish in even a crumb of attention, positive or negative. All the literature I've read and the professional opinions I have sought unanimously agree that the only way to win or injure them is to fail to acknowledge their existence. Just like he did to me.
The thing I am most proud of you for is the amazing role model you have presented for the kids, but Jeremy in particular. He sees how a real man handles a crisis. With dignity, compassion and class. Think about what an amazing gift you have given your son. There is not many men I know that would have a tenth of the strength and integrity you have shown. Jeremy has seen all of that. He has a real man for a father. He is a lucky, lucky boy.
I also wanted to thank you for not deserting me in my darkest hour. I did not expect you to be there. I will never forget what you have done for at the expense of your own well being. I have never had anyone care for me like that before and probably never will again and please know I will be forever grateful and forever tinged with sadness that I couldn't and didn't treasure you more. I can't go back, but know I will carry this with me for life.
Just a tiny thing I wanted to tell you. We mirror our kids. Jeremy is your mirror, Ellie is mine. The things we criticize them for are the things we don't like but won't admit we possess in ourselves. I'm going to work hard to repair this with El, be more tolerant, listen to her more. Jem needs with him... looks up to you. :)
I hope we have gained something from this mess that helps us be better parents and I hope more than anything you realize your potential and find true love xxx

Sent from my iPad

Apr 9 - 6AM
FinallyClicking's picture

I meant to comment to your

Apr 6 - 7AM
FinallyClicking's picture

I could have written that letter

Apr 22 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
rosa_lita's picture

Yes, I understand this story

Apr 24 - 3AM (Reply to #13)
bgirl's picture

Rosa_lita I'm sorry we have

Apr 8 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
bgirl's picture

Hello :) This isn't my story,

Apr 9 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
FinallyClicking's picture

Thanks for your reply...while

Apr 12 - 4AM (Reply to #9)
bgirl's picture is over. He still

Apr 12 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
Janie53's picture


Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
bgirl's picture

I loved N. There was never an

Jan 26 - 8AM
Hunter's picture

This is beautiful.. I'm happy

This is beautiful.. I'm happy you are sorting this all out.. Learning and growing to "The Path Forward" Hunter
Jan 29 - 1AM (Reply to #5)
bgirl's picture

I truly hope he can move on

I truly hope he can move on to find peace and contentment. I hope N and his family can also achieve the same. I am still longing for M 9 months out, even with NC. I don't know if there is hope for me... I've been reading...that as it is the case with N, there is only a slim chance I may fight my way back from my dysfunction/problems too. I am trying,, but some days it all feels so hopeless.. x B
Jan 25 - 8PM
ash5233's picture


I am so impressed that you could could write this. I'm not quite there yet. I am still compartmentalizing these two parts of my life like they don't affect one another. I hope that one day I can get to this point.
Jan 25 - 7AM
Sparrow's picture

Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Beautiful, simply beautiful. No chance the marriage can be saved? In time and with extensive therapy for the both of you, it may be able to be saved. I hope you aren't resolving yourself to this being over because you "stepped out" of the marriage and don't feel you have a right to step back into it. Fingers crossed for you and yours. :)
Jan 25 - 2AM
Im_always_fine's picture

Soul stirring Gut

Soul stirring Gut wrenching Raw...real Heart breaking Courageous Tragic Poetic Moving