Movingforwardnow's Story
Movingforwardnow's Story
Feels good to get it out so why am I crying???
Ok. So here’s my story:
I am single mom of two great boys. Their birth father got mixed up in drugs and abused us pretty bad. He is in prison and will remain there for many, many years. This took place when my youngest was only one years old. He is now 10. I did not get into a relationship with anyone for the first 5 years after the divorce…wanted to just concentrate on me and my boys.
Four years ago I met my N. He was a dream come true. My kids fell in love with him as well and even referred to him as “dad” he was amazing with them and I loved that they finally had a “dad”. The verbal and emotional abuse started early on but my N always turned things around on me and I was always the one apologizing. I always was made to feel like it was all my fault. We got engaged and the boys and I moved into HIS house. Oh boy, this is when the trouble started: the abuse became worse and the physical abuse started. One time, I even fought back and I was the one arrested. He strangled me and I bit his hand to get him off of me. Well, since he was the one bleeding the police took me away. (And yes, I continued to stay…SICK!) This man would make me out to be the crazy one. I referred to him as my “crazy maker”. I have never acted so crazy in all my life. He pushed my buttons, he enraged me, he belittled me in private, in public, in front of my children and behind my back. He told so many lies. He is weirdo regarding sex. I participated in some of the sick sex acts because I thought I had to so he’d love me. I won’t get into all the details…but sick! He always treated me as if he was the boss. He has no understanding of the definition of partnership.
When I had enough I moved out with the boys and wouldn’t you know he treated me and them beautifully. I thought “wow, he has changed…it’s going to be great this time and he really does love me” Well we got back together but remained living apart. Oh boy was I wrong…it just got worse this time and this time I was even angrier and more hurt than before. And we broke up again. An ugly ugly break up that tore my heart out. He continued to lie about me and make me out to be the awful person and “How could I be so mean to him? He loves me and the kids” Ick! I actually tried talking to him just to end it on a better note. He ignored my attempts, called me crazy and all the other awful stuff they do. My kids do miss him but have also said they know we are better off without him.
It’s a horrible realization that he never truly loved us. We loved him. We thought he was are forever. Now I am just trying to get through one day at a time and pray the pain will go away one day. This is my story in a nut shell, didn’t want to be long winded with all the nasty details. But………
This man has abused me physically, emotionally, verbally and financially. This man has said mean awful things to me and about me. This man has belittled me, humiliated me and manipulated me. This man has controlled me, ignored my feelings, my thoughts and my opinions. As long as he felt ok and justified I did NOT matter. I have no use for him and am moving on.
Thank you for sharing your
The "Crazy Maker"
mc, braveheart, you are crying
spinning
Thanks!