Goodbye, Eric

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#1 Jan 6 - 10AM
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

Goodbye, Eric

I thought you were my soulmate - the key to my heart, which had lain dormant for so long. Your devoted attention, strong arms and tender affection swept me off my feet. We built our big blended family in our own way and on our own timeline. We got lots of attention for having so many kids and being your wife was my pride & joy. Our life together didn't come easy but little by little we did it.

But the little comments, the backstabbing, the knowing looks from people I'd never spoken to - it all started to add up. The very first time you lunged at me during an argument I had a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. All this in the midst of raising our beautiful baby girl, your son and our 3 children. Things would get better for a while but then spiral out of control once again. I learned this is called the Cycle of Abuse. A term I wish I'd never had to learn about along with Malignant Narcissism, Psychopath, Gaslighting, Triangulation and Infidelity. I have never been so out of my mind in pain as when I realized that I would have to dissolve our beautiful family to save myself and my four children. Realizing that you were a monster and not the family man I loved unconditionally was a soul-scorching awakening.

Leaving you is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The decision took me months of abuse to come to and still I physically shook as I walked through our home that last day. I gathered only items I knew we would absolutely need as we entered the domestic violence shelter and escaped from your wrath. My heartbreak as I locked our front door that I had painted just months earlier was palpable on my face as I walked away without looking back. Walked away from the last 3 1/2 years of our life and the life I had so lovingly crafted with you.

I learned this week that what I have gone thru in the past year is called Fierce Grace of Life. An experience designed to wake a person up to their true potential. This process is unwanted and often incredibly painful to go through but is given to someone, by the loving grace of God, as a chance for growth, change and self-actualization. It is the singularly most painful thing I've ever experienced and I'm surprised now that I survived it. But survive I did and I'm so much stronger...so much braver...so much MORE than I ever was before. I'm a better mom, a better friend and a better, more spiritual human being thanks to this experience. And in the end, after all the heartbreak and challenges, I have accepted that it was worth every single second of the pain. The Holy Spirit's quiet presence by my side daily reassures me that I made the right choice.

When I see the genuine smiles on my children's faces and I am able to genuinely smile back at them completely present in that moment...it is then that I know why I went thru this.

Goodbye.