Seen how much pain he has already inflicted upon you I find it very hard to believe he will ever do/say anything to make you feel better about yourself. Even if you contact him in a month or a year. It won't make a difference to what the two of you have already been through. It's not going to make matters better. The closure thing for me is when he has no insight to my life whatsoever. When he can't see me, hear me, know anything about my current life status. He doesn't even deserve to see me dressed up and happy. I can be happy without him and I don't need his validation to reassure myself I was ever good enough for him or too good for him. I will let other people reassure me that.
I hope you find closure soon.
but would like him to see me looking good so he doesn't think I'm pining for him
Would love to know if he would meet me when he said don't contact me for a while how long is a while?
Do you like being shit on? Why would any woman want to be with a man who clearly has no interest in them? The sad truth is you are just a back up in case he gets bored or is low on supply. I don't want to be mean but sometime we need to be kicked in the head with reality. My god girl, they want what they can't have! Then once they have it, they get bored once again. Supply is supply period! Don't contact him, work the steps and watch what happens. I was your age when I met my N and danced the same dance. Now 14 years later he is no different then when I was 38 years old. It does not matter how great you get dolled up, look like barbie, or act like you are not bothered. You obviously still are.
Have a bon fire and burn his shit. Listen to those of us who have been here! Please don't contact him!
if he had no interest in me why hang about for 3 and half years and if he was truly done with me why want to remain friends his suggestion?!
Why would he want to go home to mummy at age 40 and turn down money I offered him ? Still don't get that ?
if he had no interest in me why hang about for 3 and half years and if he was truly done with me why want to remain friends his suggestion?!
-He had interest in you, as supply. He needs his ego fed constantly.
Why would he want to go home to mummy at age 40 and turn down money I offered him ?
- Not sure why he turned down the money. But he went home to mommy because all N's have mommy complexes. Their mommy's are the only ones who excuse all of their ridiculous behavior. Look under "Narcspeak" theres a part about the mommy thing.
Hello......are u there? What part of you are supply don't you understand? Since you still seem to not get it, you obviously don't care to educate yourself about his disorder. They are liars, cheaters, manipulators and can not be alone. My stbxhn told me "I will not be alone and you know I can't exist alone." He left me 9 times and told me that he didn't love me anymore but that I could stay in our home and I didn't need to work and just wanted to be friends. Each time he left he said he needed about six months to think. Yeah right. He secured his supply, left me, got bored and came back. That is exactly what this N is doing to you. Wake up!!!! He is playing you like a fine piano. As long as he can keep you playing his game he will continue. And why, because you allow it. Why should he stop? He doesn't have too. He will always have new supply and when he gets bored, he can go back to you until he once again finds another victim.
Why, why, why do you allow that?
given that he likes to be better than everyone and boast does he not see moving back to mummies at age 40 as a huge come down ? That's why I don't get him turning down money?
Is narcissim a recognized mental illness do you not think it's us just trying to label bad behaviour in bas..... Of men ?
Why do you think he is going back to Mommies house? Because he said he is? Narcs lie. He has other plans.
You are lost in the obsession of him, otherwise why would you give money to someone to keep them from leaving you. Please stop explaining and forgiving his actions and just get pissed off at him instead and let the feelings out here.
He hurt you. He will keep doing that...just like a dog that bites. Stay away from the yard with the mean dog, or you will continue to get bit. We all understand your confusion and sadness...but we want you to see the truth...only that will set you free of him and the serious dysfunction that you are currently living with.
You deserve better than the scraps and crap he is giving you. Please read the steps today listed under the home section on the upper left of the screen. Read them all, it won't take long.
We all have to get de-programmed and re-programmed...it is like we were hostages with no way out...now we have the keys to the cell door but don't recognize the lock, don't realize what it looks like, and we are scared of the light and of the freedom...the fear of being alone and of letting go of our hope and wishes. This happens to most of us...but we get through it, and so will you...so stop reciting his lies, his words...and look at what has happened instead.
He has done you a favor, we all know that. You will soon enough see that as well.
Let go, let God!
ds
no he really is moving back home in 3 weeks he's moved home before first time 2 years then rented for year then back home for year and half then in august he couldn't stand being home then rented again and now 6 months he's back home again before he dumped me he said was moving home as couldn't handle bills but doesn't want to move home so why when I offered him money he refused when he's taken before especially when he doesn't want to move back home yet again at 40?
It does not matter whether or not you offer to pay his bills, rent or buy him a new fucking car. Is it not obvious he does not want to be with you or he'd jump on that. He has someone else and does not want you to know about his "secrets." Let it go......you keep beating a dead horse. Have some pride and dignity for god's sake. He is a loser!
Sadanddown,not only have you ignored private messages, you are ignoring every one that is trying to help you. Weather you realize it consciously or not, you are defending his actions. This is exactly where he wants you to be. This is all very new for you and the fact that you are asking so many questions is a GOOD sign. This means you are trying to understand.
Of course it was his suggestion to be friends!! What narcissist in their right mind would turn away someone fawning over them and anxious to defend their every action!? The answer is none of them. Supply is their drug, and you unfortunately are his dealer.
Why would an addict want to sever ties with his dealer if he's getting the drugs for free?
He's keeping you on a string, chasing other girls, and he will come back when he gets bored.
This is all very pre-planned. As I have said numerous times, I was in your place once and you will be okay. You just HAVE to open your mind.
And I do not know why he opted to live at home. I thought the same thing about my N for a very long time who lives at home as well. I thought there was no way he was bringing girls home when mommy was there.. but HE WAS and he was FINDING WAYS. There wasn't just one other woman.. there were MANY other women. He may be refusing money from you because he doesn't want you around to bug him. Lending him money would put you in a position of power and he would NOT want that.
But surely if he's got new supply as you say wouldnt he want to stay in his flat instead of moving home to mum? Not really impressive to a new woman and he can't take women back to his mums??
Really? Seriously? Did you just ask if he has new supply wouldn't he want to stay in his flat instead of moving home with mum? What do you know about OW? He stayed with you and you are willing to pay his bills. You don't think the other woman isn't willing to let him stay and play house in her flat? He doesn't need to even tell her he lives with mum? I moved back home with mum at 45 when I was estranged from my husband and I spent the night with a friend when I wanted. Never said anything about living with my parents. No ones business.
Please stop believing his shit. He is a patholigacal liar and is having his cake and eaing it too! Wake up!
no he never did live with me he didn't want to live with me or anyone said he wanted to be alone which again can't fathom why he didn't accept money stay in his flat and not move home to mum and come and go as he pleases
Seen
but would like him to see me
Sadanddown
Do you like being shit on?
if he had no interest in me
sadanddown
Hello......are u there? What
given that he likes to be
Why do you think he is going
no he really is moving back
It does not matter whether or
also if he truly didn't want
sadandown
But surely if he's got new
Really? Seriously? Did you
no he never did live with me