Goodbye You. Hello Me!!

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#1 Dec 31 - 7PM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

Goodbye You. Hello Me!!

I am sitting in the place that I have written many love letters to you. But now it's time for me to write a love letter to myself. This is not as much a goodbye letter to you, as it is a HELLO letter to me, the me that I had pushed aside for 6 years. You were lucky. You found me at a time where my self-esteem was low, where I was just ending my marriage and not sure of my career or how things would turn out. I was new at the relationship game, having been married for so long. I didn't know about narcs, or liers, or cheaters. I didn't know that people could do what you did, lie so well and cheat so well, all the while saying they were "good Christians". Yes, you were lucky, because for 6 years you were able to fool me. But as they say...."Fool my once, shame on you, fool my twice, shame on me". So I am not blaming you at this point, I am blaming me. But, thanks to this web-site and the wonderful ladies (and dudes) that I have met here, I have had an awakening. I began reading all the stories on this web-site forum like crazy, I spent over-time reading books about N's. Then suddenly, as I was lifting myself from the fog, things in my career started to come together in a very positive way. I now feel empowered. The compliments starting coming, things like..."ACgirl, you are so smart, so attractive, so funny, a great mom, etc.

Do I hate you? In some ways yes, because you took me on a roller-coaster ride that I didn't want to be on. One minute you loved me, the next minute you disappeared. One minute you were calling me 3 times a day, then again, you disappeared. One minute you were telling me you met an O/W and you were going off with her. Then a week later calling me to tell me you still loved me. Then there were the times I would come to your house and somehow I would find "things" that seemed to belong to other women, but you said it was your daughters. And of course, with all the money you had, I have never known a man to be so cheap. But as my therapist told me, cheap with money, cheap with your heart. Yes, I bought the lies, I kept buying the lies because I wanted so disparately to have the fairly tale. And you knew it.

But the amazing thing about how I feel now is that I know for certain now that I am worth it. Did you notice how special I was in your life? Yes, I believe you did. You told me many times that I was the only woman you could trust. Why? Because even though you had money, I had plenty of my own money and you always thought that the bimbo OW's that you were screwing were after your cash. All I was after was your love. But you were so caught up in your lies and web of deceit that your judgment went off the rails.

Will I ever talk to you again? Maybe, as absolutes are unattainable. But will I ever grovel and write you a love letter again in hopes to win you over? Nope. From this day forward, any man that wants me is going to have to work at getting me. I have finally realized my worth, and it took a very long time. I have accomplished things in my career that very few people have, and the best is yet to come. I have been a GREAT daughter to my mom, I have worked tirelessly to help people in need and to support positive causes.

But you were too busy finding your next bimpo OW where you work and you were too busy juggling all your supply, and keeping me on the roller coaster. Well, Mister H, I have walked off the roller coaster ride and out of the amusement park!! The hoovering will no longer work. As they used to say in Disneyland, the "E" tickets were the best rides. Well, buddy boy, you lost your "E" ticket ride, me!!

I believe in God. The only hope you have for salvation is God. There is no power in this universe to save you. It would have to be divine intervention.

So, do I hate you....sometimes. Do you I still love you, yes. I do. I do love you because I am a loving person. But one thing is for sure. I am done, because I love me more and it's time for me to enjoy life.

Thank you to the ladies and gents of this forum. Happy New Year, and thank you all for saving my life!! xoxo ACgirl

Jan 4 - 9PM
sista
sista's picture

Awesome!!

I'm new at this and it is still so painful but reading your letter gives me so much hope. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be free of the pain!!
Jan 4 - 10AM
HardToBelieve
HardToBelieve's picture

Powerful.

Great letter! Powerful statement.
Jan 2 - 8PM
Gemelli
Gemelli's picture

Awesome ACgirl

This was a great goodbye letter! Sadly,Narcs don't have a relationship with God like you, I and others in the world. They believe THEY are God. Therefore, they will never love or be loved the way we will. And they will never have eternity to look forward to. So, they will remain in their personal EGO filled existance. Always remember what EGO stands for; Edge GOD Out! The bigger the ego, the farther they are from God! It sucks to be a Narc in the big scheme of things! Sadly, they don't know how truly pitiful they are! Thanks for sharing your personal story and releasing all that from your soul to help others! Peace and Blessings!