What did the N do to reel you in,,to get you hooked

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Dec 30 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
strong_enough
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I hear you! I had 2 children

I hear you! I had 2 children with my Narc as well and he is nothing more than a "glorified babysitter" to them. No real connection or interest beyond wanting pistures of the kids to show other people and "brag" about them and how well they are doing. Even though he only spends about 4 hours a week with them. Its crazy! I hate how much effort and energy I put into tyring to make our marriage work, when it was doomed from the beginning. Real life happened and he couldn't hang. I gave him unconditional love; but that's not what Narc's need - they need someone to pump them up and also to serve as their dumping ground for all of their by-passed shame. There must be better things in the future for us! We deserve so much better and so do our children!
Jan 1 - 2AM (Reply to #11)
nomoredenial
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egates

I could have written this
Dec 30 - 9AM
onwithmylife
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amazed

this is all very therapeutic, he reeled me in by pursuing me relentlessly , we were both married and my marriage was on the rocks, just friends, he kept calling and pursuing me and we had become friends from work, I kept resisting but finally gave in. the rest is history.
Dec 30 - 5AM
JRB123
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A few things!

The things he did were: He started staring abit at me I now know this is a common thing for narcs to do - a predatory stare He acted like a good friend, like he cared - this I know now was false He had a great sense of humour - this is true - he does It felt like we 'clicked' and had things in common- this was false mirroring He seemed intelligent - this is true - but he is but not specially so He seemed compassionate - this was false He seemed charming and flattered me a few times - this was false and I kind of feel sad and embarrassed that I was sucked in by this stupid thing, that I was so desperate to fall for this. It's all been a learning curve. The thing about narcs is that they don't come accross as obviously creepy and they can put on a really good act to seem like the ideal guy.
Jan 18 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Amazed
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JRB...The "predatory stare"

The way you describe your narc/psychopath is spot on.... 1. Their look....a slow gaze,,,,a predator stare.... 2. Their "humor" .....really not just laughing together....it seems to have ulterior motives when you look in retrospect...... 3. You "clicked"....wow,,, 4. Intelligence.. 5. Compassion...or they made it seem so...they usually corner you with this when you think about it 6. Thier flattery....well...you know you have the goods my friend....you really do....don't just cut yourself short....you have a quiet self confidence that he was trying to steal from you...however you own it girl....and continue to protect yourself......very very important.
Dec 30 - 12AM
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Lately I've had to admit to myself

that I cannot blame him for having been such an easy and willing target. I had been single for many months and was starved for physical affection. So it definitely threw me off balance when he when he started acting playful in the pub after work and giving me big affectionate hugs (crossing a boundary because we were not friends yet). I thought oh well, he is just a happy person and he does that with everyone, I didn't take it seriously. But he was extremely cute and a great hugger, so this totally awakened my desire for him. I had not considered him before. He reeled me in some more when we walked home from work one night and sat down in the park. He completely opened up to me, telling me about his unhappy childhood (textbook narc...) and his hopes and dreams and how he admired me for my life. Next he "spontaneously" invited me to his place to show me some holiday pics and got me pretty drunk, then flirted shamelessly with me the next day at work trying to get me to come over again. Then, when I wanted to leave a party, he grabbed me, giving me this incredible warm, tender and affectionate hug and saying: "No! Don't go yet! Stay with me!" A few weeks later he sat on my sofa helpless, with tears in his eyes, telling me how smart and beautiful I was and how I shook his whole life and he didn't know what to do anymore. And that he didn't know what would happen now (he was still in a relationship then) and that even if I had to go and be with someone else, it would be hard for him but he just wanted me to be happy (more tears..) In retrospect I gotta say, it was his hugs that got me hooked and the flirty messages at work and his charm and playfulness and apparent vulnerability while at the same time acting like he wanted to protect me and treat me well. Great actor, that one... but entirely my fault for allowing him to cross the physical boundary so easily.
Jan 17 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Amazed
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NarcJunkie....wow..how they use that physical touch thing..

Yes..they come on over the top,....very warm, receptive, endearing,,,giving you "what you want.." or "what you want that you didn't know you wanted" When they cross your boundaries in the beginning, they will do that to the very end. Don't be fooled. Consider it projection. For every boundary they have crossed onto you,,,the smaller they are inside.....they are very insecure people, and not good peeps to hang around!!
Dec 29 - 9PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

It was so long

It was so long ago but I had just ended an abusive relationship and he came and saved me. (so I thought). He was very attentive and said all of the thing that i wanted to hear. He would bring me beautiful flower every night and write me poetry and leave me little notes all over the house. He would call me all times of the night and tell me he loved me all day. He asked to marry me within the first 3 months and then BAM!!!!! The monster came out! I should have ended the relationship after 3 months. But he manipulated and controlled me for 28 years. WTF!!!!! He is soooo good at what he does. They are masters manipulators and It could happen to anyone. I was smart, successful, educated and he conned me for 28 years. Never again!

victimnomore

Dec 30 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Lisa87
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Amazed and VNM, my exN was

Amazed and VNM, my exN was married for 26 years and I met him after his separation. I often wondered how his wife stayed with him but after reading your post VNM, I guess its because he is a master manipulator for sure. Had me fooled. His exw was smart, successful, beautiful and they had 3 boys that are wonderful men now (because of her I believe). She got her law degree, got a new man and kicked his ass to the curb! I see her pics through FB through exN's son and she is so truly happy and lets it be known for the 1st time in her life. My exN lured me in with his kindness, charm, intelligence, generosity and the way he was with my kids. We would go to lunch, walks, dinners, spent all our time together and were an official couple in a matter of weeks. A month or so, he told me he was falling in love and I had no doubt that I was too. He took us away, took me and my kids into his home when my house was being built and never argued, yelled, got in an argument...never. He wants everyone to love him and put him on a pedestal and thats all he cares about. When the mask started to slip, it was nothing he did of course, he denied, lied, cheated and manipulated me into believing he was telling the truth. I could never believe someone could lie so well but he's had a lot of practice apparently. Now he is lying and manipulating someone else!
Jan 18 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Lisa87...I admire your courage

It is very confusing to have such a close relationship so quick...and to find out all that generosity was backed by someone so coniving... it doesn't compute....keep NC....they never win.....and who cares...take care of you.