Distraught727's Story

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#1 Nov 20 - 12PM
distraught721
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Distraught727's Story

This is so powerful:
I don’t care if you’re used to corresponding by texts and emails and every other woman has put up with it – I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to disappearing and then coming back with little or no hassle. If you disappear on me, you’d better stay disappeared!

I don’t care if your ex didn’t mind if you wouldn’t hold her hand in public and didn’t mind that you’re not affectionate – I do mind.

I don’t care if all the other women let you date and shag them all at the same time. I’m not those women!

I don’t care if you’re used to getting a shag, an ego stroke, and a shoulder to lean on with minimal contribution into a relationship. I deserve more than crumbs.

I don’t care if ‘other women’ are more compliant and don’t expect you to be a decent guy in a decent relationship. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if every woman has been sympathetic to your commitment fears and let you coast through those relationships claiming that you’re scared and you need time. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to getting your own way and having things on your own terms. I’m a person of value who is an equal party to this relationship.

I don’t care if every other woman let you go bareback because it feels good – strap up or piss off!

I don’t care if you’re used to dodging responsibility and accountability and blaming whoever you’re involved with for your thoughtless actions. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if all the women you’ve been with have waited around for you to make up your mind while you reject them time and again. I’m not those women.

I don’t care if your ex let you do X,Y, Z. I’m not her. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women have let you have sex with them when you have demonstrated or even said you’re not interested in them/don’t want a relationship. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women when you’ve told them you don’t want a relationship with them have gone into overdrive trying to prove themselves to you so that you make them the exception. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to being with a woman who thinks you’re the centre of the universe and the only source of her happiness – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to being with a woman with low self-esteem that let’s you control the relationship and define her – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re used to pressing The Reset Button and acting like nothing has happened and getting away with it. I’m not that woman. I will remember.

I don’t care if you’re used to controlling someone’s every move – I’m not that woman. Don’t even try it.

I don’t care if other women have believed you when you said you wouldn’t lay a hand on them again – I’m not that woman. I’m not taking my chances.

I don’t care if every other woman felt sympathetic to your One Time in Bandcamp tales of woe and excused all your dodgy behaviour – I am most definitely not that woman.

I don’t care if every other woman has put you on the deeds of her house or given you access to her bank account. I am not that woman. Are you crazy?

I don’t care if you’re used to having virtual sex and sending nude pics to women you met a hot minute ago on a dating site – I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women don’t mind if you’re married/attached – I do. You should.

I don’t care if other women let you call them up late at night and let you come round for sex – I’m not those women.

I don’t care if you’re used to women competing for you, fighting in the street and getting into all sorts of craziness. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if other women have been prepared to ‘go with the flow’ when there is no flow or you’ve been flowing backwards. I’m not those women. I am entitled to be with someone who is not afraid to see a future with me.

I don’t care if you’re used to playing a cat and mouse game. I’m not that woman. You’re either in or you’re out.

I don’t care if you’re used to having your lame excuses like my cat was stuck up a tree/battery not working/The Busiest Week Ever/I lost your number etc accepted. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if your mother and every other woman you’ve been with has let you do as you please – I’m not that woman.

And….

I don’t care if you’re upset because I won’t let you mess around with my head and my emotions now that we’ve broken up. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re upset because I won’t be your friend now that I’ve got tired of you rejecting me for the umpteenth time. I used to be that woman but now I’m not.

I don’t care if all your exes let you call them up and use them for a shag, an ego stroke, a shoulder to lean on, money, whatever. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you’re worried about what everyone will think of you now that a ‘good woman’ has left you. I’m worrying about myself.

I don’t care if the last time we broke up I let you call me up, sleep with me etc. I used to be that woman but I’m not anymore.

I don’t care if other women let you force your version of the truth on them. I’m not that woman and I make up my mind about my truth.

I don’t care if you’ve just separated or divorced and are looking to try on a new relationship for size. I’m not that woman.

I don’t care if you just broke up with your ex and are looking for a Fallback Girl to be a buffer and let you treat her like an option so you can avoid the pain of your breakup. I’m not that woman. I’m not your emotional airbag.

I don’t care if other women think that guys like you are the best they can do. I’m not that woman. You’re not the man for me.

I don’t care if me having boundaries and treating myself with love, care, trust, and respect writes me off from being with you. If being with and loving you means I can’t love me, I’ll choose me. Other women might be prepared to let you bust up their boundaries, but you guessed it…I’m not that woman.

I know it’s not easy out there but I know what I’ve experienced and to continue to carry the same baggage, beliefs, and attitudes and choose the same people different package and expect different results would be relationship insanity. Others may not be ready to get off the merry-go-round…but I’m not that woman.

I read this on http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/im-not-that-woman-an-ode-for-every-woman...

Nov 21 - 5PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

This is really cool! Thanks

This is really cool! Thanks for sharing! I'm printing this one out!
Nov 20 - 1PM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Awesome Post! Thank you!

Awesome Post! Thank you!
Nov 20 - 12PM
distraught721
distraught721's picture

USED

Good to hear! So much second-guessing...NO MORE!! I tried to stick to this attitude but he had a way of making me second guess myself and after reading this today...it all made perfect sense! ANd I felt PROUD I held to what I believed in even if it took a few slip ups due to his picking away at my self esteem...now I know my standards were correct....and I feel so good dropping him months ago...and now the next time there will be no second guessing if I start seeing someone new...I will NEVER go back or even give him the HONOR of my friendship or my spoken word...or response if he contacts me...please share with all your friends!
Nov 20 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
Used
Used's picture

I BECAME THIS WOMEN WHEN I

I BECAME THIS WOMEN WHEN I DROPPED HIM. AND I HAVE STAY NC FOR OVER 2YEARS.....I COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THAT WOMEN WITH HIM, ITS NOT POSSIBLE...IN NEARLY EVERY WAY WITH HIM I COMPROMISED MY BOUNDERIES....NEVER AGAIN...
Nov 20 - 12PM
distraught721
distraught721's picture

Its great

I did not copy and paste the first few paragraphs...it starts out like this: I don’t care if one thousand women have gone before me and they’ve all had sex with you on the first night or whenever you chanced your arm for it – I’m not those women. I have sex when I feel comfortable and if that time happens to be when I feel more confident about where I stand with you and the values, qualities, characteristics that you possess, you’ll have to deal with it, or go back and have sex with one of the women that make it easier for you. What would happen to all the assclowns that cross our paths if ALL women took this oath and took this stance???
Nov 20 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Used
Used's picture

What would happen to all the

What would happen to all the assclowns that cross our paths if ALL women took this oath and took this stance??? AH ,WELL THEY WOULDNT EXIST WOULD THEY?
Nov 21 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
empath
empath's picture

what would happen if we all took this stance...

It will never happen. There will always be a slower gazelle for the cheetah to prey upon. Narcs know this, that's why it's so easy for them to write us off and move on. We are interchangeable sources of supply to them. I love Natalie's "Baggage Reclaim" blog, and I have her book also. That article you have posted...that is for US. That conversation would never play out in real life, because the N doesn't understand or care to understand. Iam painfully reminded of having a conversation like that when I broke NC and responded to the N last...and the statements I made to him were met with a lack of understanding or a weak admission. Actions don't ever match words with a N. Which is all the more reason why our actions have to match our words. So, that "conversation" Natalie wrote...that's for us! That is our reminder to do what is right for ourselves and not allow an assclown or a jerk or a Mr. Unavailable or a Narc to bust our boundaries and manage down our reasonable expectations or superimpose their values onto ours. We should never be That Woman. And if we are here, we have to own that at one point, we were That Woman. Never again.
Nov 20 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

distraught721

AWESOME AND THEN SOME....THIS IS NOW IN MY FAVORITES, AND WILL SOON BE ON MY FRIDGE DOOR....THANKYOU, THIS IS THE WOMEN I NOW AM, IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING....XXX