Avoiding Narcissists & Sociopaths: By Amanda Somberg

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#1 Oct 10 - 11PM
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Avoiding Narcissists & Sociopaths: By Amanda Somberg

Eventually, you cannot deny the lies, which are second nature to this man, the wolf. He lied all along, but you didn't want to know it or couldn't see it before now. He plays mind games with you and your children, denying he's doing so. It's subtle at first but amazingly effective. You, destabilized and questioning your own sanity, are slowly being driven mad.

The abuse continues. It always does if you stay. He starts berating you for your cooking, your mothering skills, your appearance. Hitting, slapping, and punching are not far behind. By now, you see a pattern: to the world, they see his mask, but you must live with the man. With a sneer, he'll say "Just try and leave me now. No one will ever believe a word you say."

When you leave – if you can leave – you're faced with an imposter who has hidden the money, isolated you from family and friends, and driven a wedge between you and your children. His explanations are rehearsed and twisted, painting you as the instigator, the psycho, the money-grubbing bitch. He is a formidable verbal foe with his credible and plausible explanations of every interaction you've ever had, and you find yourself on the losing end of every session with the couple's therapist or with well-meaning family members.

His attorney is just like him: smooth, slick... a crusader for his client. But the wolf doesn't care about you or your children, although he portrays himself as the long-suffering husband who throws up his hands and exclaims to others "Look at what I have to deal with."

The wolf only cares about one thing in his relationship with you, and it is winning. He will do everything in his power to destroy you in the process, to extract vengeance upon you and the children for "abandoning" him and asking him to change his abusive ways.

When you turn to the court system for relief, there will be no help forthcoming. A judge will never believe you, the true victim of the wolf's controlling abuse. The wolf is polished, calm, unruffled. A pillar in the community. Although he's lying through his teeth, it's second nature to him, as he's been practicing it for years. You are either fragmented and depressed from the psychological and emotional abuse or enraged that this man is harming you and your children. Either way, you come across as exactly the crazed, paranoid harpy he has created.

The wolf gets away with all of this because his charisma, magnetism, and deceit sways judges, therapists, custody evaluators, and mediators. Emboldened by his success, he bullies and abuses you even more. And he'll never stop until you have paid dearly – so dearly – for leaving and rejecting him.

source: http://www.openexchange.org/features/JAS09/somberg.html