"I Want a Strong Woman"

64 posts / 0 new
Last post
Oct 4 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You know you just hit a

You know you just hit a nerve!! "He wanted a Robot like himself" ding,ding... His dog... He loved that dog, why?? A robot of himself... He had that dog trained to obey and tend to his needs!!! WOW!!! Poor dog.. Hunter
Oct 4 - 12PM (Reply to #33)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

LOL, Hunter

I guess I was a bird dog, not a chiwawa (sp.) Thank God for instinct.
Oct 3 - 10PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Great! Make it something fun

Great! Make it something fun and liberating that defines the reborn you, the fun and happy you!
Oct 4 - 12AM (Reply to #31)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Sparrow

Some of these pics are so cute! how do you create them though? Do you upload one or? That's a stupid question, huh?
Oct 3 - 9PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

"Be good"

"behave" ...oh yes, been there, heard that, got the t-shirt. "The only way it may have worked is if I had become an inverted N or a full blown N; or if I would have died." I'm glad you chose life tresor!!
Oct 4 - 12AM (Reply to #28)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

You know, Rose,

I've thought of this before and maybe I'll do it...run off t-shirts with N one-liners or maybe even multiple liners. I think more people than what you would think will relate. I love the "behave" shirt!!
Oct 4 - 10PM (Reply to #29)
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

lol tresor2 awesome idea, N

lol tresor2 awesome idea, N t-shirts love it and it would get the msg out there too so people would be woken up if they don't know about Narcs
Oct 3 - 8PM
Hope
Hope's picture

That's what his x-wife did...

Tresor, when he said that he was totally manipulating you, he said that just to get it in your head, hey I better not shed a tear...don't want to remind him of his x....mine did the very same thing to me when I questioned him about a women he stared at and I called him on it asked him if he thought she was attractive and he said yes...then when I told him that bothered me he said oh now Hope my x wife nagged me all the time, his x wife would say to him "oh I know you are screwing your secretary," he said I had to hear that all the time, then N would say to me now don't make me start having to lie to you....boy doesn't all this sound the same????
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #26)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Hope,

Yes, it sounds the same...manipulation, manipulation and more manipulation. If we're unsure of ourselves and our self-esteem is shaky, the manipulation works. I sold my soul to try to be someone I was not, just in order to be loved. They love seeing us suffer.
Oct 3 - 8PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Tresor2, your N sounds so much like mine, except

mine never SAID it. What a**es these guys are. Mine was a tough acting, alpha male type, bad boy who talked rough. His dad wouldn't let him cry growing up, and I never saw him cry. His 3 ex-wives looked like rugged types, two raised around farms. I only cried once in front of him, sobbing cry, and it was bc he was being mean. He was mocking of me and condescending. Then he held me and for two seconds it felt good, until he started talking telling me what to do in a harsh voice, like "put your leg on me!" That was toward the end. Most of the time, I held my ground and dished back, but I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. He often talked up that it was good to be tough and not soft, and say how we are tough and don't take crap. He hated rules and cops. I look back and see I would've probably had to become like him, and be something I'm not. It's just not worth it. I was crying on the phone once, and he hung up on me. I don't want to be like him ever. I didn't feel like I could ever be vulnerable around him. I think he wanted me to be just like him, unfeeling and insensitive.
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #21)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Cali, Sounds like you

were a lot tougher than I. Good for you for holding your ground and dishing it back. They are so good at shutting us down emotionally. It's all so fake and superficial. I guess neither technique works with a narc because you can't win with them. I've never been a drinker until he came around. A couple of times I drank alone when the pain was unbearable and those were the times I was the most emotional. He never listened to what I said or took accountability for anything; it was all about the meltdown and all about him. I'll never show my emotions again to any man. I know I'll never be the same.
Oct 3 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

tresor2, these Ns would drive anyone to drink, even

Mother Teresa. Thanks, I WAS tough, so I don't get it bc he liked toughness. I was raised by a career military father and heard sailor talk in my life. Let me tell you, I can talk tough when I want!! Lol. I'd tell my N to "F*ck off" when he was being an a**. He once said, "I like that you don't take my sh*t." But I don't want to be like that all the time. It's not me, and he was abusive and getting worse. I was having a hard time staying strong, as he was breaking me down. I was also raised with manners and culture, a far cry from my N. They DON’T LISTEN bc they really don't care! It's all about pushing our buttons, getting a reaction. They get off on seeing ANY KIND OF EMOTION. It makes them feel powerful. Mine was even trying to elicit my fear in the end, and it was working. Physically, I was no match for my exN. He was VERY intimidating. He didn't like fear either. He saw it as weak. You really can't win with these Ns bc we have emotions bc we are human. I only saw anger, rage, and occasional insecurity (fear) by mine. The insecurity was what caused so much cog diss too, bc it was like the little boy who was scared. He didn't ever show me any compassion though, so f*ck him. Excuse my language, but I've been feeling anger these days. I did so much for that a**hole. It really breaks my heart to hear you say you'll never show any emotion to a man again. I say f*ck 'em. You were right to show emotion. It takes more strength to show real emotion, tears and such. Something these a**clowns will never know anything about. ((((Hug))))
Oct 4 - 12AM (Reply to #23)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Cali, I love your attitude and

honesty. I actually told mine to fuck off a couple of times too...during the last D & D, I sent him a text that said F U about 20 times, LOL. I guess I do have a little part of a backbone left. When they see that you're getting wise and they feel you might be leaving, they step up the abuse, just like yours did. Compassion from a Narc; no way. When I told the asshole I had breast cancer, he used the same conversation to announce he had moved in a OW. WTF!! Who would do that? A mother F, that's who. Anyway, I don't want to get on a roll...I have NC for 4 months and doing well. Hope you are doing well too.
Oct 4 - 1AM (Reply to #24)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Tresor2, thanks, and you ARE tough, lol about the

The text you sent! That's awesome! I wish I had done it, but I just went n/c and got the hell away from that sick bastard. Congrats on being n/c 4 months!! You are doing well. Your N is a mother F for doing what he did. You did the right thing going n/c. I'm doing well. Sometimes I fall back a few steps, but every day out I'm feeling farther away from it. I was catching on to him big time, getting really hot about his games and emotional abuse, that's when d&d really kicked in. He was also dosing in moments of affection or nothing being wrong, so it caused quite the mindf*ck! I wish I never let him in. I was so vulnerable when he came along, mainly healthwise. I hope you're health is good now! xx
Oct 3 - 8PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Soooooooo familiar...

"I can't see you in person or have sex with you anymore if you are going to cry afterwards every time." No problem, Chief. "Maybe it's better if we just spend some time apart since we can't even have a conversation without you bringing "us" into it." Ok, no problem there... "You used to be so much fun and happy and outgoing, you've changed so much since we have been together." BINGO! Adios, my friend. Bastards. I am not an all you can eat buffet.
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #19)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Unfreakinreal - What a

piece of work!!! Truly disordered. So glad your free of "it."
Oct 3 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

unfreakin

"You use to be so much fun and happy and outgoing, you've changed so much since we have been together". That statement makes me wanna go slap MY disordered one! He use to say the same thing to me. Then when he put me on ST, and would call me months or weeks later, he'd say, "Wow, what happened to the woman that bitched me out all the time? You're so much fun now". Soooooo much to read into that now, so translation: You're so much happier without me and I can tell! So let me say something "nice" to you so you'll come back and I can knock the shit out of you and off your high horse. What assholes. Tres, I so understand. I want to encourage you by sharing that all of your reactions were NORMAL to an ABNORMAL person. You reacted NORMALLY to a very sick person, so there is no SHAME in that at all, although he blames you because, well, OF COURSE, he has to take no responsibility for creating those reactions with his provocations in the first place.
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #17)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Sun, thanks for normalizing

my reactions. I used to feel so regretful afterwards but, the feelings were real. I wish I could have just walked away and saved the drama. These fools take ownership for zero; they are masters at projection. Mine was a lawyer and it doesn't get any better than that...it's what he does for a living; manipulate.
Oct 4 - 12AM (Reply to #18)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

tres

sooooooooooo true, same here, wish I'd saved the energy rather than waste it on the drama that the disordered one constantly created. you're normal, he's not! YAY!
Oct 3 - 7PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

tresor

See because they cannot show any emotions except anger, rage, jealousy,, all the horrible ones, they cannot tolerate any real kind feelings, they DO NOT feel, they are hollow, empty inside, like a walnut without the meat inside. i will never forget once when I was staying with him crying about my future, where to move, etc. he came in the room and told me to be grateful for roof over my head and food on the table and to get ready for his son and wife coming over, he never once could empathize or even put his arms around me and say, onwithmylife things will get better, NOTHING, that says it all doesn't it, they are sick fuckers, it is so obvious only at the time and my 15 year investment i never saw it then..such is life...........
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

OWML

Sick fuckers says it well. So incredibly cruel and sadistic. We were all blinded by love, hope and their ability to pull the wool over our eyes. True wolves in sheeps clothing. Mine would actually fake a few words of concern once in a while but, it was so fake that I once told him "it sounds like you're reading from a law book." Nothing he said was genuine, it was all an act.
Oct 3 - 7PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

He is an ass, plain and

He is an ass, plain and simple! Prove him wrong, it's time to give yourself an avatar that defines you, not how he see's you. Find a picture that screams "you"........it will be fun to see what you come up with! I bet once you change your picture to something that doesn't remind you of him, each and every time you log on, you will smile just looking at your picture! Just a thought............. P.S. He wasn't worth a single one of your tears, you must know that by now.
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #12)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Sparrow, Good Idea,

I'm going to start thinking about it. I'll let you know when it's unveiled.
Oct 3 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Strong women... gag...

Tresor, why is it that male Narcs the "I love strong women" routine??? They totally don't mean it. They want someone as narcissistic as themselves or someone subservient. The ex-Psych prof would tell me he wanted a strong woman... he spoke of women fighting alongside men (using an Aleister Crowley quote) He'd talk about how much he wanted a STRONG woman, not a weak one. Once, he told me, "I won't let you go because you're strong." (he had been talking in class about the hostage situation at the Japanese embassy in Chile, and how the old women were let go because they were weak) By "strong" I think he meant "fellow Narc." I had a Narc coworker for 4 years. He'd brag about how he told off a Baptist pastor because this church talked about male leadership. This pastor had been giving pre-marital counseling. This coworker bragged how he told the pastor that he didn't want to be the head of the house, that he believed in men and women being equals. This coworker bragged about how he didn't NEED to work because his wife made so much $$$. This Narc coworker would proudly proclaim "I'm a feminist" when he refused to help women in the kitchen, call his wife a b*tch, brag about a female high school student baring her chest for him, and hit on female nurses. Ns/Ps love the "I love strong women" line. It's their MO. They want either (a)another narcissist or (b)break a woman down. If Narcs love strong women so much, why do they go out of their way to leave them devastated and humiliated?
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Susan,

Thanks for your feedback...my conclusion is that they'll say anything as long is it gives them the end result they desire. I've read that 2 narcissists might do well together; what do you think? Well, with me he got he got someone partially subservient but, I couldn't bring myself to allow him to totally destroy me; he came close. I tried to eliminate my emotions but, I failed. There was actually a point where I believed it was adventitious to be devoid of feelings because he seemed so happy and self-assured all the time.
Oct 4 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Beware the man who claims he's a feminist

A REAL man who cares about women SHOWS it. He doesn't sermonize endlessly on it. He doesn't have to. His actions speak for themselves. He doesn't have to get onto his bully pulpit and proclaim how he's a feminist;he treats women well. This former Narc coworker had a kernel of truth when he talked about this patriarchal Baptist church. Some churches are misogynistic and see women only as existing to meet men's needs/desires. Some use the "headship of the man" as an excuse for abuse. But, as with all Ns, truths were mixed with lies. This Narc coworker had NO problems sitting, staring, stuffing food in his face when his female coworkers were struggling to get lunch out on time. Once, I was doing a double shift and I NEEDED help... all he did was stare blankly as I struggled, then blame me later. "I've read that 2 narcissists might do well together, what do you think?"-It's true. My maternal grandparents were Narcs. In a perverse way, a Narc pairing works better than a Narc&a normal person. When the ex-Psych prof told me he was disappointed, I think he was disappointed that I was *NOT* a Narc. He'd accuse me of narcissism a lot... but I honestly think he wanted a narcissistic partner. What I learned from male Narcs is- Look for a man who respects you for YOURSELF Beware a self-proclaimed feminist A man who has elaborate, contradictory ideas on the Ideal Female is probably a Narc Male Narcs seem to have this Ideal Woman, and when reality doesn't match up, they tantrum.
Oct 5 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Susan, Feminist Narcs

are red flags. Mine actually wrote a book about global sex issues...as if he cares about anyone getting victimized. What a hypocrite...he's got everyone fooled but a few.
Oct 6 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"I LOVE women"

That's what the obese Narc coworker would ALWAYS say. Now, one could agree with him that patriarchal churches tend to shield abusive men-but in the Narc coworker's case, it was also PROJECTION on his part. It's true churches use "headship of the man" to demean women and engage in misogyny... but this Narc coworker wasn't a feminist. I once did a double shift, I was getting tired, he wouldn't lift a finger while I was panicking. He just stood there, staring blankly, huffing and gasping. He also demanded special treatment. He'd tell me that *I* had to make sure he always had grape juice made for him. As if he couldn't make it for himself. He tried to evade child support. His "I LOVE women" and "I'm a feminist" and "I believe men&women are absolute equals" were MAJOR CD when it came to how he ACTUALLY treated women. He bragged about how he&his wife's truck had fallen apart due to not having its oil changed FOR YEARS, and how he forced his wife to bike to work because he wouldn't have it repaired. Apparently, he lectured her with "I bike to work" (he had so many DUIs he lost his license) and "therefore you have too as well." Feminist Narcs are among the WORST. Much more reliable to see how a man actually treats a woman, than what he says.
Oct 4 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Tres

Something I'm noticing here. I almost FEEL BAD because I wasn't "strong" enough to put up with his SHIT! I think that is the INTENT. Part of their grandiosity. So in essence we have to walk away feeling like we failed because in reality we're really STRONG and called them out and wouldn't put up with it? What is the disordered one's version of a "strong woman?" Take it, flip it. One who is COMPLETELY subservient. He needs the strong to feed off of until they become WEAK and I think it might be safe to say that most of us here weren't so weak that we didn't get away before we were destroyed. Another epiphany. Many patterns are starting to develop as I read these blogs.
Oct 3 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Sea
Sea's picture

U said it all Susan!

Exactly my exN. He always says this "I want strong woman" yada yada and his mama dearest is such a pillar of strength when his a**hole father is making a mess outa home etc. He actually ever called me a weakling, a cry baby etc. He was merciless to me. Even when I had an accident I called him instead of worried and wanting to know if I was injured he joked about it asking if my arms are still there? and I said my neck and chin injured and needed head x-rays, he joked to ask if my head has swell double its size due to the impact! I broke down and cried and hang up on him. He texted me saying he was just "joking" why I am like that? I didnt die so its not in danger and if i can still call him I should be ok. Why I am always a weakling that wants attention all the time. This cruelty was inflicted on me at an early stage of our relationship and i did not see this big red flag. Anyway that was still the idealisation stage, so he apologise and we make peace.