He loves his mommy

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Sep 21 - 2AM
greengirl91
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oh my God..scary stuff, and

oh my God..scary stuff, and scary people! I read somewhere on a blog, that it is possible for some enmeshed guys, while they are still young, to brake free from their needy mothers. They gotta cut the chord, like they say. Because if they don`t, they are going to control all their lives. And we have so many cases here, it`s true. And oh, guess where all the anger and frustration goes, for not braking free? YES, to us! Those who dare to love them..sad.
Sep 21 - 6AM (Reply to #30)
onwithmylife
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greengirl

I always said their not breaking free from mommy ruins them for life and they take all that anger out on the ones closet to them, us. Mothers have to let their little boys make the break by 5 years old, /I read some where and that is where the father comes in to help the son break away, my narc father did not do that and the narc remained forever tied to his mother until she died some years ago but the damage was long done.
Sep 21 - 3AM (Reply to #23)
ifinallygotit
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mine used to lash out of nowhere

and say "you are not my mother" when I would ask a simple normal question. He was a mostly sweet quiet type so it was really WEIRD to see him become livid over nothing. I guess there is alot of suppressed hostility from having overbearing mothers... Mine had a mom that would come live with him for a month in his apt when he was a millionaire in his mid-30's - he would hang with her every night instead of a GF. He then moved in with her after he retired early and stayed with her until she died. He then acted the same over enmeshed stuff out with his sister and moved her in until she died. I was not allowed to the meet the sister while she was there upstairs for 9 months...weird huh. I once bought her a get well gift and he grabbed it and inspected it like the police - it was soap. Off topic but he never spoke of either after they died and I was his closest person other than a sibling - it was like "you are not allowed in my family - you are just GF and sex"
Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
Jannie In the Sun
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Hostility

That is exactly what Narcissists do. Mine has a LOT of hostility toward his mother who he described as (you guessed it) a Narcissist. That anger came out sideways and spewed all over me like battery acid if I said or did anything that reminded him of her. After his last hurtful tirade, where he accused me of having NO FILTER because I didn't like his favorite sports car (really?) - I will never have a filter regarding his dishonesty and abusive PA behavior. If that little man crosses my path again I will make his mama look like Mother Teresa. I don't want to live in a world full of self centered and emotionally abusive people. I am all about Narcissism awareness and never putting up with their bad behavior or keeping their twisted lies a secret! Stronger, Wiser and Loving my Narc free life!
Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #28)
foreverfun1
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you go girl!!

i can't tolerate it either and i speak my mind whenever i see anyone act like that
Sep 23 - 12AM (Reply to #29)
Jannie In the Sun
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Tolerating their BS

Good for you! I know i must use careful words but i think that one of the worst things good people often do is look the other way which is very often confused with turn the other cheek. Not one and the same. One is done out of love and the other out of fear.
Sep 21 - 6AM (Reply to #24)
onwithmylife
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ifinallygotit

mine said the exact same thing, "you are not my mother"when i asked something normal too, it is all over enmeshement with their mothers, mine too lived with his mom briefly when he and wife#3 broke up, it is all very sad and sick.
Sep 21 - 11PM (Reply to #25)
bedrtimes
bedrtimes's picture

yes i've heard that too. of

yes i've heard that too. of course i'm not his mother...at least i would hope that our so called relationship was different than the one he had with mama. a few times he even answered his mothers calls with "hi mommy". his mother calls at least 7 times a day be it at work or at home. she lives a mile away. he stops by mamas house to pick up his breakfast and lunch for the day....everyday. sick sick sick. 57 and you're calling mom mommy and talking like a baby? really man? so gross to think of that relationship.
Sep 21 - 11PM (Reply to #26)
foreverfun1
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yes

major HURL!!
Sep 20 - 11PM
Sea
Sea's picture

Emotional Incest

I read that this is emotional incest. They dont have real incest sex with their mums but the relationship is abnormal. My exN says he loves only his mum. All other woman only "care".
Sep 22 - 10AM (Reply to #21)
Jannie In the Sun
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Narc Parents/Emotional Incest

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq5.html Interesting article in that topic regarding Narcs. Spot on w/my exN. His daughter has suffered tremendously. Her mom killed herself when she was 4. She doesn't get it yet, but it is obvious to anyone close enough that most of her beliefs about herself came from an emotionally codependent, passive aggressive, NEGLIGENT, womanizing father. Sad for us, worse for the children. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but take care of US, let them go and pray for them while moving on.
Sep 20 - 8PM
Susan32
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Mother figures

The ex-Psych prof lives with his wife&twins... along with his PARENTS. Right after his twins were born, his parents moved in to raise them. Now his parents have moved in for good. What's odd is that the ex-P idolized his father, called him by his first name... his mother remained anonymous, he rarely spoke of her. He hangs out with his Daddy and his Daddy's colleagues. I don't know about you, but if I hung out with my father&his colleagues in the oceanography department... I'd find it awkward. I like the ocean, but I'm not a scientist, and you don't become a scientist thru osmosis. The ex-P would say he was a professor because his Daddy is a professor... talk about mimicry when it comes to a CAREER!!!! The ex-P would tell me that if I married him, I'd have to live with his elderly aunts... because that's what happened with Leo Tolstoy. Leo's mother died when he was 2 (his father died when he was 9)... but his aunts served as mother figures. He lived with his aunts. When Leo married Sofia, they didn't exactly have the estate all to themselves. They didn't have a honeymoon. When the bride arrived, her husband's elderly aunts greeted her.
Sep 20 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
foreverfun1
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susan

it's interesting how his parents have to raise his kids! my ex N has a kid that his parents adopted and they are raising. when i asked why he said i guess they thought i couldnt handle raising him, it surprised me he would admit this. is ur ex-P married to a narc? (cuz who else can put up with them to marry them). and who would let his parents raise her kids when shes there? thats one weird setup. ur ex-P is enmeshed with his daddy to the extreme like mine w his mommy. and he lives in that crazy fantasy world where he mimics Tolstoy. mine is always off dazed in some other world too.
Sep 21 - 4PM (Reply to #19)
Susan32
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Raised by Grandparents

Interestingly, this entry mentions Russian custom as well as Leo Tolstoy (he couldn't help but be raised by his grandparents, since his mother died when he was 2, and his father died when he was 9-so extenuating circumstances)- http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RaisedByGrandparents And here's the "War and Peace" reference. The ex-Psych prof kept his engagement "private",and a "secret"-but keeping an engagement secret was a BIG DEAL in the Romantic period (19th century) Karl Marx and his fiancee Jenny van Westphalen (who was 4 to 5 years older than him) kept their betrothal secret for 5 years(!) Okay, here it is with "War and Peace"- Once she (Natasha) began him (Andrei/Andrew) about his son. Prince Andrew blushed, as he often did now- Natasha particularly liked it in him- and said that his son would not live with them. "Why not?"asked Natasha in a frightened tone. "I cannot take him away from his grandfather, and besides..." "How I should have loved him!" said Natasha, immediately guessing his thought;"but I know you wish to avoid any pretext for finding fault with us." Book 2, Part 3
Sep 20 - 9PM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
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My reality check is in the mail

"Is your ex-P married to a Narc?"-I really don't know. I met the ex-Psych prof's girlfriend only once. I have never seen such a LACK of chemistry between people... I was practically begging my classmates for Spanish fly to slip into their drinks. I couldn't tell if she was enamored of him, but she didn't act like the swoony girl in love (plus she's a decade my senior) It's been said that the BEST way to survive a Narc is to reflect their lack of humanity-and only a Narc can do that PERFECTLY, without putting on an act. For me, to mimic a Narc takes work, an Oscar performance. But for a Narc it's natural. "That's one weird setup"-At http://tvtropes.org , there's the trope "Raised by Grandparents." Leo Tolstoy was raised by his grandparents (his parents died, so one can understand) In Russia, it's traditional for grandparents to raise their grandchildren until they're 10, or even older. I was *SHOCKED* when I got some closure reading "War and Peace." The cerebral Narc Prince Andrei keeps his engagement to Natasha private, secret. The ex-P claimed his engagement was "private." Prince Andrei has his father, Nicholas, raise his son (also named Nicholas)... he tells Natasha that she won't raise his son (because Andrei is a widower), but that his son will stay with his father. One can see the same thing with the ex-P's father raising the ex-P's kids. So... I had to read FICTION to make sense of cold hard facts. Bizarre to the extreme. During the final D&D, one of my classmates said he could NOT imagine the ex-P dealing with toddlers because toddlers are spontaneous. Talk about prophetic. My mother and I predicted that the ex-P's parents would raise his kids... our prediction was made in '96 and it came true in '01 (sometimes I hate being right!!!) "Enmeshed with his Daddy to the extreme"-He wanted a woman who would act as a Daddy figure... that's a taller older than a woman acting as a Daddy figure. Thanks to my nephew, whose father went to Harvard (AND has the same name as the ex-P's father)... I realize that the ex-P is, mentally, at 18 months-2 years old. My nephew is VERY much bonded with my brother in-law... but he's not pushing 50 and a tenured professor. When I broke NC, I said the ex-P differed from my nephew only in age and tenure(!!!) Okay, I can be blunt sometimes! Just a little bit. "Crazy fantasy world where he mimics Tolstoy"-Definitely. When I broke NC in '09... it was after the fact I learned he gave a lecture on "War and Peace." He was obsessed with "War and Peace" looong before I met him... and still is. Talk about the one constant in his world. I never supported the ex-P financially, but I have NO PROBLEMS sending reality checks in the mail.
Sep 20 - 8PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Sounds like the Madonna/whore

Sounds like the Madonna/whore Complex. I have read quite a bit about it. Makes sense. No gifts either huh? Did he thank you for the gifts you gave him?
Sep 20 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
LucyL
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What's with narcs and their

What's with narcs and their moms? Are the moms the cause for their sons NPD? My ex narc kept telling me that the only person he loved was his mom and I keep reading that in here as well... Has anyone read about this on any book?
Sep 20 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
wisdomneeded
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books i suggest

Lucy....One book I can suggest is When He's Married to Mom -by Kenneth M. Adams and Alexander Morgan - this book does not specifically address narcissism, BUT it is an interesting read. also Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by Linda Martinez-Lewi - this book has a chapter entitled Golden Child - Growing Up as the Very Special One. finally just a good overall book is Help! I'm In Love with a Narcissist by Steven Carter Nd Julia Sokol. This was the first book I read on the subject. Try amazon for these books sometimes they will let you read snippets before you order it. Hope this Helps . The Narc my daughter was involved with is so enmeshed with his mother that after my daughter forgave him over and over his lies of sleeping with others, she purchased for him a Broadway Play ticket for them both to see a professional musical costing over $300.00. HAHAHA OMG! Even as I type this I can't believe it. His mother bought a ticket also.....So he chose his mommmy and she drove him to the play and waited outside of the show until it was finished - she waited 3 HOURS FOR THE PLAY TO END.(she only bought him the ticket) HE CHOSE HIS MOMMY. HE IS 19 YEARS OLD.
Sep 20 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
foreverfun1
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he rarely said thankyou

but he did actually thank me for the gifts. the odd thing was how he didnt feel one bit awkward about not getting me a single thing. and i got him a lot of stuff plus a stocking filled with thoughtful things. he didnt even flinch about having nothing for me. how freaking weird is that.
Sep 23 - 12AM (Reply to #13)
bedrtimes
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i wold give mine gifts to

i wold give mine gifts to find out later they were thrown away. what a dick!!!!!
Sep 21 - 12AM (Reply to #3)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

foreverfun1

I had the exact same experience but for 10 years! I gave him gifts which he gladly and graciously accepted - he really was quite sweet - but then no shame what so ever that he gave me nothing back - maybe its like when children get gifts they are just happy for the attention and do not think about buying one for the adult!
Sep 21 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
lola_azul
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His Mom

Going back to the Mommy topic, mine is so enmeshed with his Mom as one of his primary suppliers that I am convinced that EVERYTHING he does regarding finding secondary suppliers revolves around her. He even told me that he was certain that he would have to start "living" only after his parents die. Ahhh, the red flag!! I know he lies to her because he wants her to have this impression of him as if he is the man of the house b/c it looks like the Dad is useless (the one with the money) and the mom is in reality running the show. I was with him for over two years and was never introduced to her but was introduced to his Dad who was really creppy as he was checking my butt and my boobs out like I was a woman on the streets and not his son's gfriend. They are very dysfunctional and I am convinced that his hate/love relationship with her is what turned him into NPD a long time ago. He is the first born, the boy, the jewels of the family, their hopes were in him and he probably could not handle all that pressure. Besides, all those expectations (which he excelled) he was spoiled and made believe that he was entitled to whatever he wanted. Now, it is showing and I feel victim of that. Going to get those books and learn more about this psycho people!!!
Sep 23 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
lilliandiane
lilliandiane's picture

OK, guys, let's lay off Moms

I had 5 boys and my daughters in law treat me like I am so irrelevant and old and not even female, compared to them. And I am sorry, but I am NOT irrelevant or old or a battleaxe to be made fun of. I have a lot in common with my boys--I love sports and I raised them to like the football teams I like. Why shouldn't I want to watch ballgames with them? And if one of my sons broke up with their wives or gfs, why shouldn't he live with me? I like to talk about teaching and history and literature and politics with my sons--why is that so damn threatening? I think a man who enjoys his Mom's company is not a sicko or a momma's boy!
Sep 24 - 12AM (Reply to #6)
Jannie In the Sun
Jannie In the Sun's picture

I dont think anyone implied

I dont think anyone implied that all men close to their mothers are narcissists. Or that all moms close to their sons are controlling. Don't put on a shoe that does not fit. I have several guy friends close to their Awesome moms and they have balanced healthy lifestyles and good relationships with their wives and gfs too. This post is about the sick ones and it exists for those of us who need to talk about how it affected us as we work to heal and move on.
Sep 24 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
bedrtimes
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exactly the point. there

exactly the point. there needs to be a healthy balance in both relationships. i have no problem with men being close to their mothers but there has to be a line drawn when the relationship with mom still exists as if hes the baby. when youre 57 youre not the baby anymore. the wives and girlfriends of these men shouldnt have to compete with mom. ones a relationship of intimacy and the other one should not be.
Sep 24 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
lilliandiane
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yes, but I think that is a common belief

that men close to their Moms or who live with their Moms or like to hang with them are DISTURBED in some way. I had 6 kids and when my son and his wife couldn't have a baby and spent 10 years wanting one, I offered to be a surrogate. They thought the idea was gros! Icky! To me, it was a free means to have their own baby and I thought it was a loving and generous offer. I think both my older sons have had to either think twice or even disown their relationship with me for their wives. The wife of my oldest son even read an email from me to him on my birthday and took it upon herself to call me a slut because of my relationship with my N which she knew about. The other daughter-in-law (they now have 2 adopted kids)actually told my son she was afraid for their 2 year old to spend the night because I might say bad things about her to him. He was 2 years old! What kind of woman talks badly to a 2 year old about his Mom. I just think there is nothing wrong with a man who treats his Mom like she is a real person--instead of like a washed up has-been. I think he is a better man for that. And that wives should leave the relationship with his mother alone and not be so freakin threatened.
Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

sorry don't agree

If one wife felt this way about you then maybe so, but when several of their wives feel the same way about you then its time to step back and take a look at yourself. Just like when multiple people told me that they did not think I was in a good situation withe my N (and I did not listen!) When several people think there is a problem, there usually is, whether we want to face it or not. But I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with boys loving their mothers and wanting to spend time with them - as long as it is not becoming their primary relationship which should be with their spouse. We are talking about N's who adore their moms and never separated to become independent entities and then are hostile and evil to all their GF's and wives as a result of the unconscious psychological stuff from never breaking free of overbearing moms. Being loving to both your wife and mom is a great thing! My exN was kind and close only to his mother and never even lived with a woman and is 55 - he has abandoned every GF and cannot bond -
Sep 24 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
whitneywolf
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Mama's boy

I think 'Mama's boy' is so broadly used, there are countless meanings. I've got to add an example to what I'm thinking might be the more negative/severe, psychologically-incestual mom-son relationship some are addressing. My darling exN has all the same conflicted-mom stuff but also, when sexually aroused or speaking about being sexually aroused, speaks of his 'member' as "loving its mama" and "getting excited because it can hear its mama's voice." (I'm supposed to be "mama" in the situation) He even does a little 'member' voice and acts out what the member is 'saying' (e.g., "Is that my mama?" "Let me out so I can see my mama!")
Sep 24 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
bedrtimes
bedrtimes's picture

alright...you really win with

alright...you really win with that one. that is so disturbing and so totally nauseating. i dont think i could have touched after a comment like that. that is just totally nasty!!!!!!!!
Sep 24 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
whitneywolf
whitneywolf's picture

Right?

Right? I was spinning so hard on all his other stuff, I couldn't even process how sick that was.