I'm Going Down

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September 14, 2011 - 2:55pm (Reply to #52)
BadaBing
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Agnes

I didn't expect this to happen honestly I didn't
September 12, 2011 - 12:41pm
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Badabing

This is good to dialog about this and for you to be honest in what you are doing, however, this is a recovery site from PD's which encourages NC as part of the recovery. You do not have to be NC to be here. You do need to respect what our members are trying to do. Like I said, we will be here for you when you have had enough. You must understand that by posting this you are going to get the responses which you have received. Loving, honest, responses concerned primarily towards your well being. Have a healthy honest dialog regarding your feelings if you would like; just please keep in mind that we will not be debating the importance of NC and we will not be tolerating any negative comments towards those who are NC and are simply trying to help you to see the truth in what you are doing. So please read the comments without debating the feedback because there is no debate here. You have already shared with us how bad it was for you with this man and we are not going to be encouraging what you are doing. God bless, Goldie
September 12, 2011 - 2:09pm (Reply to #49)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Just 2 days ago

Goldie I posted today to report what happened, not to have any debate either way. It JUST HAPPENED -I broke NC. I just posted on it! regarding all the extra words in your response is UNNECESSARY TO REMIND ME this has not been ON GOING so I don't really need clarification on debating when I haven't even posted before about this! I am certainly not going to post on what just happened again.. and I am not interested in any debating of what goes on in MY LIFE FOR SURE
September 13, 2011 - 4:32am (Reply to #50)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

Bada I don't know you. But I

Bada I don't know you. But I can see your communication It makes me think and it raises questions. Not for us. For you. YOU are desperate. YOU DEBATE with yourself. And you try to project your fears... and got angry with the forum. The question is what makes you go into such a defensive mode to attack and prove your right? What do you want to prove and to whom? Your post called Going down... If I am in love and I am fully happy and sure about my decision, I am going actually high.... So... think about this... What is making you going down??? And if there is something, what makes you accept it??? What makes you feel so threatened by the comments? What made you post this if you knew what will be the reaction? You didn't come here for permission, did you? I understand you are not in the position to accept my comment. This is your life. So we have nothing else, but sit back and wait. And hope that you are going to be ok.... But to be honest, your comment is more calling for help, than celebrating love. Take care :) XXX
September 12, 2011 - 11:58am
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Bada we are here for you

What the girls wrote is dead on, I too was struggling and thought he had changed and gave him chance after chance after chance. We want to believe they will change and will grab onto those crumbs with all our heart. I loved mine more than you know and he was always amazing, loving and generous to me and my family. There was no anger, no yelling, no name calling etc. He was a silent liar, manipulator, so good that I had no idea for a very very long time and to this day would prob have no idea. Some are masters at seeking supply. I believe you are in the idealization phase again. He may believe he will change but I believe in time you will be hurt again. Each time it gets worse because they know which buttons to push. Mine never D&D'd me, I always left him but he was very very good at what he did. He was married for 26 years to a very beautiful smart woman and I'm sure he fooled her too. We are here for you and do not want to see you hurt again, I wish you could put a wall up to not fall into his prey as it seems you have. Just protect your heart and we are all here for you. xoxo. I spent the day/night with my exN on Saturday and told him I would never ever take him back. I used him and he used me and thats all it was...as much as I would love to be back with the man I thought he was at the beginning.
September 14, 2011 - 2:56pm (Reply to #47)
BadaBing
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@ Lisa 87

I knew it would be hard to post
September 12, 2011 - 11:56am
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Whoa! Hang on! I just did a

Whoa! Hang on! I just did a double-take and realised I've got you mixed up with someone else! You're the gal who wanted the therapy session with the guy who sounded really angry and potentially violent, and who tried to bulldozer you into only going to the session if you had sex with him, aren't you? Wish I could delete my previous post. This guy is BAD NEWS. He's manipulated you repeatedly. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different end result - why do you think he won't manipulate you again? Why won't he be angry and nasty and use you?
September 12, 2011 - 12:10pm (Reply to #42)
BadaBing
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Yes

Pretty Yes, you are correct Yes, I admit that i went back to 'that' guy
September 12, 2011 - 12:28pm (Reply to #43)
prettypeeved
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This isn't a guy who's just

This isn't a guy who's just called you a few names. He's stalked you, chased you through car parks, threatened you, and manipulated you repeatedly. Why? Who go back?
September 12, 2011 - 12:33pm (Reply to #44)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

In his way

he wanted me to listen i get it, that I only posted the bad things, the worst things here. I shared my pain and agony. I didn't share with you the years we were together that I was happy. I didn't share with you all the things I liked or that I felt he added to my life. I get it that you can't see WHY
September 12, 2011 - 12:38pm (Reply to #45)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

So it's OK that he's

So it's OK that he's threatened you, chased you, hurt you, lied to you, and all the rest, because a while ago (a LONG while ago, I'm betting) he was nice? He wanted you to listen so he scared you to do it? What's next, if he thinks you're still not listening? Will he decide to hit you to make sure he has your attention?
September 12, 2011 - 11:55am
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Bada, there is not much I can

Bada, there is not much I can say to you that the others have not.......but will say this...... EVERY TIME that I went back with "my eyes open" the outcome was worse than the time before that. Of course your sister is mad at you, and your sisters here are upset and concerned........you are blessed to have so many that truly care for you, and I believe you know that. No one can tell you what to do and what not to do, you are going to do what you want, period. That is the bottom line. Relationships with narcs never work, ever, and you know that. But somehow this time is different for you and you are going to give it another try. Best read up on "how to succeed in a narc realtionship" I will tell you, it can be done, but ONLY by giving up your entire self. If you are able to do that, cool, sad, but cool if thats what you want for yourself. The only purpose you will have in the relationship is MANAGING him and his disorder. A lifetime of that is a lifetime of imprisonment, no one signs up for that willingly do they? I want more than that, and so do many on here, including you.......that's all I can say. It's a sad day on the forum only because you are loved by so many, you can understand that, can't you? BADA, BACKS ARE NOT TURNING HERE, ONLY HEADS.......YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.
September 12, 2011 - 11:53am
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Oh and BTW

Bada, a man doesn't have to be VIOLENT to hurt you. In fact many personality disordered men never lay a hand on their victims, but the sexual, emotional psychological and financial mindfucking they did to them, sent them to suicide or mental hospitals or on medications and intensive therapy to get over. The pain of being objectified used and abused is often worse than being hit. At least with violence and I've experienced two psychopaths, one violent, one not, I knew what was coming. WIth this last one, he was far more subtle, dangerous and conniving.
September 12, 2011 - 11:56am (Reply to #38)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

No

I just wanted to clarify that he never put his hands on me or hit me that is all I wanted to do because he hasn't ever hit me and i wouldn't be with a man that did I am totally in love with him, so whatever go along with that right now - denial even I am giving him another chance and I am going to believe in the best in him
September 12, 2011 - 12:02pm (Reply to #39)
Layla
Layla's picture

There was a time I could say ............

...that my abuser never put his hands on me too. Then we got married.
September 12, 2011 - 11:51am
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

badabing

It is amazing to see your denial. Tell me, what will you say to us when he abuses again? You're not thinking straight, all doped up on oxytocin and a manipulative love making session. Abusive men take YEARS to recover, Bada and that's if they choose too. PD's do not. Obviously the sex sold you, as it often does. We've all learned that we don't listen to what he SAYS bada, but what he DOES. You're only listening to what he says, not what he has done and will continue to do. Your sister is not speaking to you for a reason. she is well within her right. She knows too, Bada. And she knows how bad this man is. She's not going to participate in your self sabotage. Good for her, she shouldn't, although my guess is that when he does something worse, she'll be there again. You need to understand that you can't cry wolf too many times. This is why victims are often blown off after going back over and over again. This is different, because you are MORE than aware of what's going on and who he is. Your sister probably realizes that it's not healthy to be around you when you're overdosed in oxytocin and lies out of him. I'm actually glad you told us, Bada, know why? Because even though what you're doing is highly triggering to some posters, here, I find it sad. I feel sorry for you. I really do. But it also makes me more emphatic about my NC and how that keeps me safe from my ex and any attempts to hoover me while being in a vulnerable state. YOU are extremely vulnerable. He knew that too. They can sense this stuff. I'm not only concerned now because of your denial and false belief that this man remotely loves you, and your blindness, but when he hurts you MORE this next time, I worry about your fragile state and what that will cause you to do the next D&D. Good Luck.
September 12, 2011 - 11:59am (Reply to #35)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

cry wolf?

Really? posting the TRUTH here about what I did? some how is compared to me crying wolf? I don't have to share anything here I don't want to, and I was doing so today but not to cry wolf fucks sake!! enough now You don't know what SOLD me again on him and honestly I don't think anyone here really cares - you will have your opinions and I will have mine
September 12, 2011 - 1:00pm (Reply to #36)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

SOLD

is the key word, bada, even your conscious mind knows that what you got was an oxytocin weekend love fest with a seriously dangerous, disordered individual. Nothing less than a psychopathic sales pitch that you were just SOLD on. Actions speak louder than words, Bada. His actions are horrendous. ANd now they will be much worse.
September 12, 2011 - 11:26am
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Badabing

This post clearly illustrates the addiction aspect for us. It is similar to the drug addict. It does not matter what they have already lost or what they may still lose. They still go back for another high convinced that this time they know the way it is, this time they can take the drug in safety and won't get addicted, this time they will be able to stop, they will only do it for awhile just to get that high and everything will be fine. Everytime they go back there is more to lose; yet when in the throes of addiction they just can't see it. The loss of self respect, money, friends, family, health, and all the rest that goes along with it. I have been at this for a long time, working with addictions, drugs, relationships, ect... and it is always the same thing. You just don't understand. I know what I am doing this time. My eyes are open. This time it will be different. This time I can make it work. He would never hurt me again. He will never hit me, or cheat on me again. He has changed; he realizes now. I am in control now. My PD is different than your PD, mine really loves me. My PD makes me feel good; so good that I cannot even remember the bad stuff anymore because this time it was so great. He is so sorry; I just know it, I could see it in his face and hear it in his words. He held me so closely while I cried or we laughed together all weekend. Yes, it is always the same, until the next time he cheats, lies, steals, or completely disrespects you. Same shit; different day! PD's don't change, they can't and they don't want to anyway. They enjoy the control they can exert over us and they enjoy the game of sucking us back in so they can go another round with us and feel like they are back in control. IT IS ONLY A GAME TO THEM, as soon as you are completely sucked back in.........WHAM they slam you again. All boils down to when YOU have had enough. Do what you want or need to do Badabing. We will still be here when you are ready. We are not going anywhere. I am not going to say anything bad to you and I will embrace you when you return. I always do. We all have slips and sometimes the slip is because we just have not suffered enough or there is some aspect of this we just don't get yet, and when we do, we become more willing to end it and stop the insanity. Enjoy the high because there is always a major low to follow in the relationship with a PD. Stay safe and try to get out on go NC again before it gets too bad. Love you Badabing, you are one of our sisters in recovery, God bless, Goldie
September 14, 2011 - 8:18pm (Reply to #33)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Wow Goldie!

Yes as you know I have struggled so hard with the addiction. I could/can know that the man is evil and not good for me and still crave to be with him. Dear Lord it is a horrible addiction and surely a struggle for me. It truly is one day at time for me.
September 14, 2011 - 2:56pm (Reply to #32)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Yes All those things

Yes
September 12, 2011 - 11:15am
Scoop
Scoop's picture

The warning i give you is the

The warning i give you is the same as Spinnings , the last time i went back to my narc he turned violent , he bruised me so badly it took a month for the bruises to go . The FACT is a narc WILL get more abusive the more times you go back . This psychopath doesnt love you , he is creating a fairy story for you in order to get you back under his controle and once he knows he has done enough work on you BAM you will be right back to having him cheat and messing with your head , there is no happy ever after with a narc , and if you think you are going in eyes open you are wrong , the chemicals that are running through your body (oxytocin and dopamine)are practicly jummping of the page as you write , you can not by the chemicals very nature be thinking straight . Having said that and im sorry for being blunt , we will be here always for you , when he turns again we will pick you up .. again .. Scoop x
September 14, 2011 - 2:56pm (Reply to #30)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Thank u

I will see what happens
September 12, 2011 - 11:11am
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

You still have hope for him

You are brave to update us on your actions and feelings. I hope you continue to do that even though you will have various reactions from your friends here. I'm too new to your story to express an opinion. You have so much awareness now, that should help you as you continue to evaluate him and your relationship.
September 12, 2011 - 10:59am
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

Hi Bada, I read my fortune in

Hi Bada, I read my fortune in a fortune cookie the other day that read "Killing time murders opportunities". I saved this fortune because I thought it was applicable to my situation with the Narc.....it was going nowhere but I couldn't always see that. Just make sure there is a future....I would hate to see you waste your time.... : (
September 12, 2011 - 11:01am (Reply to #27)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Wow, Better than ever

I just love that, says it all doesn't it? God bless, Goldie
September 12, 2011 - 10:56am
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You are choosing him over

You are choosing him over your sister and us! WOW!! Forget us but your sister Abd her BF who has help you at every corner! Can't say I blame her! I don't need to know what went on, he won, I'm telling you you are not thinking! You are not!! You have triggered me big time! My narc has played this game with me for 20 yrs! At least I can say I didn't know what he was at the time! Your eyes are wide open, you are doing some discarding here and to the wrong people!! Best of Luck, I know how this will end! Badly. Hunter
September 12, 2011 - 11:03am (Reply to #19)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

@ Hunter

In no way am I choosing him over anyone here at all!!! I have feelings FOR him Hunter that I have battled with for months now! I have done by best and I didn't think I would consider giving it another chance Maybe, I am not thinking maybe I am feeling right now I had to be honest with you all about what happened and the choice I have made to go back to him this has only been 2 days now and I haven't decided what exactly I will do now but I had to tell you the TRUTH right or wrong hate me I didn't mean to trigger anyone esp you! with telling you what happened and that I did CAVE in to him again
September 12, 2011 - 1:34pm (Reply to #23)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Bada

"Hate me." Nobody hates you, Honey, but understand they are concerned for you. You say it has been 2 days, and you haven't figured out what exactly you are going to do. Huh? You WENT back. Please start figuring it out asap bc you are dealing with a narc, PD, possibly P, and they are always one step ahead of you. Walking away from my exN was the most difficult thing I've ever done, like many here I left for my safety, but in trying to heal, I realize the mental damage he did. My exN was not violent physically, but he was getting worse, and could have gone there eventually. My ex was methodical and manipulative. I can see NOW he has signs of N/P, and a malignant N at that. You, dear bada, are gambling with your mental health! Physical wounds heal faster than psychological wounds. This is the man who you said kept some old book about controlling women in a box in his closest, no? This is the man who called you "girlie" in a threatening manner. He is scary, bada. What has he DONE to change? Has he mentioned counseling? IMO, his issues are so ingrained it would take years of therapy for someone who sees he needs help. That is why they say it is incurable. You can change though, bada. You can take care of yourself, get help, find answers, look inside yourself. Your sister is rightfully concerned, as we are here, AND SHE LOVES YOU, as a real, physical person who is part of her life! My sister felt the same for me after my exN called me a b!tch and threatened me long distance. This formed a rift in our r/s. My exN tried to exploit that too. Today, I HAVE MY SISTER BACK, and I will never lose her again. I am in recovery still and by no means healed, but I am out of the woods, the deep, dark woods I felt I was running through that was the life with my N, always tripping on tree roots he put there, and branches everywhere. This is what it was REALLY like, even though the denial kept me trying. Honestly, bada, if you are so sure of your choice, why not post the specifics of what he did/said? Afterall, you posted his letter. The veterans here know what to look for. They can give you an experienced and unbiased opinion (what I mean is they are not related to you). However, as you see already, they already know without it. As one poster said, you may want to read books on living with a N. Yet, your's sounds like mine, and I knew for my mental health I HAD to leave. Once you remain with them, it only gets worse.
September 12, 2011 - 2:27pm (Reply to #24)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

@ Caligirl

Thank u for your words today I wanted to write you and answer some of your questions. I didn't post what happened between us because I didn't want to defend it to anyone, and I didn't feel like hearing anyone tear down the words that he used,or him. And I knew it was enough to tell everyone here how he made me feel and that he was able to convince me to pick up the phone , then see him , then go out and then back home with him. Then, stayed with him the rest of the weekend. I didn't have to post all the words because I knew that was enough for anyone to understand me. Yes he called me 'little girl' and referred to me as an immature brat and we fought and he cheated and I could go on and on that I didn't know until the end. I don't know what I am doing exactly right at this point and I am glad he didn't ask me to know either. That this only just transpired and I am coming back to him. I don't have it all figured out in my head yet, any more than that I just love him.
September 12, 2011 - 4:49pm (Reply to #25)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

bada, you're welcome. I said these things not so

much expecting an answer, but as food for THOUGHT, as it is clear you are "feeling" with your heart (and as the majority says under the oxytocin). It is certainly your perogative not to share what he said, but it just sounds as if you are "protecting" the one who abused you (which is often done to facilitate denial in the abused). I totally get this! I didn't tell my family what mine did and said after that first incident early on bc I knew how they would react. Also, if I recall when your bf said girlie, it was not like "you're acting like a little girl" as you say above, it was more like, "Hey, girlie" or "Look, girlie," far more of a threat. He also made sex a condition for therapy. Bada, reread your post to me... He called you, you saw him, you went to dinner, back to his place, in his arms all weekend...does this sound normal how fast it moved? It would be far better to take it slow and see actions and not just words. You say he is not asking for a decision. Of course, bc until you decide, he is also free. One last thing to consider. I have a dear friend whose H cheated on her while she was pregnant with their 2nd child. It took months of therapy both couples and individuals before she found peace. He is a "normal" from what I can see, a dr. of PT, active and loving. Are you and he willing to do that? Cheating is a huge betrayal and you walked in on it...it will take therapy. Why don't you ask him, and see how he reacts. This time hopefully he will be amenable without the sex condition. His reaction might reveal something to you. I truly wish you luck and take care.
September 12, 2011 - 11:35am (Reply to #21)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Bada

I was the one of the only ones giving this guy a shot! I was wrong, his behavior spells Narc, Every single episode you have with him was one I could relate to! I love the Dog Whisperer more than you know, I dont think that will ever leave me, ever. He was my first love, what time has done to him makes me sick! He is sick! It's not fixable, the only thing I can to to fix this is to walk away! If I called him today he would answer, I know it, and some piece of me will always believe he loved me as much as he was capable of. Please don't be me, 20 yrs of pain because I didn't understand, you do! Hunter
September 12, 2011 - 9:28pm (Reply to #22)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Hunter

You Loved him not love him.... past tense sister! He's a jackass!
September 12, 2011 - 11:14am (Reply to #20)
spinning
spinning's picture

Bada, this is the last I'll

say here because you have made a choice based on your feelings. I have feelings for the disordered one I was involved with too. Part of me "feels" like I still love him. Like he was my brother. Like he was part of me. So it's really hard for me to hate him because hating him means hating a part of me, too, and I'm not so up for that any more. It was my own self-hate and self-loathing that led me to accept his poor treatment of me in the first place. I still cry over the pain and the loss. But I stay away because my "feelings" for him almost, almost destroyed me. We are all here because we at one time all had "feelings" for the disordered ones. Every last one of us battled it out. Some (including myself) still do. You haven't paid enough I suppose. It hasn't yet cost you enough (though I find that surprising). There is a pay-off here for you still. I'm here to tell you, however, it will never be enough. And you will pay and pay and pay until there's nothing left. Good luck, Bada. Sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF

spinning

September 14, 2011 - 2:57pm
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

I didn't post any specifics

I am
September 12, 2011 - 10:03am
Layla
Layla's picture

Some of us here literally ran to save our very lives....

...me being one of them. I see nothing romantic or wonderful about this post at all. This was the guy punching your windows in your work parking garage? The sinister stalker? My husband was just like your guy.....one night, he violently raped and tried to strangle me to death.....he could "play mr-nice-guy" sometimes too....... Your call though, your life. Just being honest.
September 12, 2011 - 11:06am (Reply to #16)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Layla

Exactly, this is how they suck us back in. They are the masters at the: I love you so much, everything will be different now. Thank God you got out! Breaks my heart when I see a post like yours. We are supposed to be able to trust our husband's and when they completely dishonor this union and hurt you like he did, you just have to get out. So sorry he hurt you like that. God bless, Goldie
September 12, 2011 - 10:45am (Reply to #14)
spinning
spinning's picture

This is the honest

to goodness truth. I was almost destroyed. I was so dead inside already that when I thought he was going to break my jaw I didn't even care. He grabbed me so hard by the collar that I had strangulation marks around my neck for days. This happened the day after he left my bed and left me a note saying how much he loved me, needed me and couldn't live without me. It happened because I stayed in it when I knew I had to get out. He knew I knew it too. Bada, I surely hope you don't wake up at age 53 and wonder what the hell happened to you. Peace. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF.

spinning

September 12, 2011 - 4:45pm (Reply to #15)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

So true Spinning

Mine left me with the psychological scars that run deep. I didnt have your physical injuries and my heart goest out to you on each and every level it can, because you have been a constant source of inspiration to me. Because I had feelings too. My point is that mine left the very morning after hearing that "he loved me, wanted me, needed me, imagined what life would be with only me - and how we are extremely compatible and everything seems just right when we are together. We understand eachother." They say what you want to hear... and for me, it was the most special moment. Right up until he left me as an object on his shelf. I never heard from him again. He knew I had him figured out. He knew I had to leave also. Good luck Bada.......
September 12, 2011 - 10:01am
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You are screwed! I Give it a

You are screwed! I Give it a week! Now the pain starts all over again! I also suggest you get tithe Dr. You must have forgotten about the couch and the date you saw him on! Remember exhausted? She posted the same thing! Guess where she is ?? Jobless and heartbroken AGAIN! You messed up! I'm sorry to hear this!! The worst part for me is you know it! Hunter
September 12, 2011 - 10:01am
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

I wish you well, BadaBing.

I wish you well, BadaBing. Maybe this time it will work out, and I can understand you giving it a try. You know where we are if you need us.
September 12, 2011 - 10:07am (Reply to #10)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

peeved

NOTHING EVER works out with a disordered one. Not this time or any time. EVER.
September 12, 2011 - 10:08am (Reply to #11)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Yeah, I know, but I can't

Yeah, I know, but I can't blame her for trying once more.
September 12, 2011 - 9:57am
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

I feel the same way when

I feel the same way when things go well with my N (47 hours NC and counting). When we are together and it is happy, it is the best romance of my life, it's like heaven. I was just thinking about this last night. One thing that is different, though, from a normal real happy romance is that this wonderfulness we share doesn't seem to be important to the N like it is to me. I would do anything (and did) to preserve what we have. After really wonderful nights or weekends, he can act like he could just take it or leave it. Like he too hasn't found the most precious thing life has to offer.
September 12, 2011 - 10:06am (Reply to #6)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Iwanttoheal

This is what gets those that go back every single time and im absolutely amazed with all the abuse you've all endured that he can suck you back in with a little oxytocin overdose and faked "sharing" of whatever. They don't share anything. they manipulate. They feel NOTHING when they're doing what they're doing. While you're basking in oxytocin bliss, he's jumping up and down that he duped you all once again! Those that go back are not getting that he's doing this to HURT YOU FURTHER this is why the same shit happens over and over again. You're not truly believing that this person is disordered and that his fake love making sessions are not "shared" by him, but only way to worm himself into your life to DESTROY you further. How sad this is!
September 12, 2011 - 10:13am (Reply to #7)
iwanttoheal
iwanttoheal's picture

Sunafterrain

Please don't be mad at me! I need you people! I have gone 47 hours NC because of your support! The people on this board are literally saving my life... I know I don't have the perspective those of you do who have made it clear of the N, I am just trying my best to be supportive... I honestly need you, please, especially right now, this week. This week is critical. I am only JUST getting 100% that this person is disordered, because I always went back believing he was a little bit human...
September 12, 2011 - 10:41am (Reply to #8)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Iwanttoheal

She's not mad! She's frustrated! These men are sick, they dont feel one thing that you describe! NOTHING! It's heart breaking to see suffering! Enabling is not support! You'll get there! Hunter
September 12, 2011 - 9:52am
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Bada

I wanted to point out another thing here. What you got was a hit of your drug. Him. We are all addicted to them this is why NC is so important. It is natural that you are going to be weak, but it is not when you give into the drug of choice. While the initial high and relief from the NC feels good, it is so very temporary and the next withdrawal will be more painful. I'm so sorry you made this decision for yourself, but believe that once he hurts you (it will be worse, as it always is), you will go NC again.
September 12, 2011 - 9:47am
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Bada

With everything you have shared about his jacknut, you are in for a world of hurt. Again. He wins. You lose. You're right, it wasn't real. But it worked. I'm sorry you fell for this machination. I cringe thinking about the pain you are going to be feeling shortly. We are here for you when the fall comes.
September 12, 2011 - 12:09pm (Reply to #2)
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture

Bada

Your posts have been a strength to me on here so please stay close If we could cut the tie and never look back ,well we would be them I am a newbie But I can't go back because I know I will never gain any real comfort from the person causing the pain. I love the sweet side of him but the other side of him is hell