Married man wants to 'be friends'

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September 9, 2011 - 7:13pm (Reply to #28)
Deidre40
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susan lol

there's an amazon message board? lol you're kidding! how funny. they're everywhere, susan!!! good for you for not being his amazon friend.
September 9, 2011 - 7:19pm (Reply to #29)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Yes,Deidre, there are Amazon Message Boards

They're called "customer discussions." I should've posted the relevant link. The boards tend to attract virulent homophobes, anti-Semitic Holocaust deniers, not a nice bunch. At least the folks at Yelp Talk at http://www.yelp.com would rather crack jokes, talk about restaurants, Five Guys Burgers&Fries, sex, George Lucas' latest Star Wars changes,etc. It's ironic... I feel better at Yelp than Amazon. Yelpers tend to be wilder, and their concept of "friendship" doesn't send one running for the door. One of my Yelp Friends is Compliment Fairy, and I've gotten invites to Yelp events in Southern California... but none of them give me *BAD* gut feelings. What's weird is that Amazon deleted its "Amazon Friend" program without really notifying ANYONE. People used to have Amazon Friends on their profile pages, but those have been deleted, without any explanation.
September 9, 2011 - 8:20pm (Reply to #32)
grace67
grace67's picture

Susan32

When I read the "I've gotten invites to Yelp events in Southern California" part, I just HAD to ask...the guy that invited you wouldn't happen to be amassage therapist, would he? lol..XN invited half the women on FB to come visit ..while I was sitting right beside him thinking "Really? Seriously? WTF? I'm Right Here ya know!" I figure he may have branched out to Yelp now.. I'm kinda.. halfway maybe, kidding here. ;-)
September 9, 2011 - 8:25pm (Reply to #33)
Susan32
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Food trucks

No, I've gotten invites to Yelp Events that are PUBLIC and FAMILY-FRIENDLY. They usually involve tacos, food trucks, movies. NOTHING private and involving massage. No invites from SoCal massage therapists.
September 9, 2011 - 8:30pm (Reply to #34)
grace67
grace67's picture

lol..

He hardly ever starts out with an invite for a massage.. although I have seen it happen. Just freaky how many of these guys seem like the same guy over and over and over... I shouldn't be as surprised by it as I still am.
September 9, 2011 - 7:29pm (Reply to #30)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

susan

I should join, and you and I could chat there, too. I love amazon. lol Your description is hilarious...''holocaust deniers.'' good grief...sounds like a hostile bunch...throw a few narcissists in...and we've got a helluva party. NOT! :=P Susan...do you date? I have never asked you. Oops...this is an open thread, you can pm me the reply if you like. Just curious if you have ever encountered another narc after your ex-prof?
September 9, 2011 - 7:57pm (Reply to #31)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Encountering Narcs

The Yelp bunch is friendlier... none of my Yelp Friends have sent me PMs or Compliments that would send red flags waving. They'd rather shoot the breeze with discussions of altercations at the San Rafael Whole Foods or how avocados are frakking delicious. I've encountered Narcs since the ex-Psych prof... but the good thing is I've NEVER fallen in love with them. My former Narc boss was openly gay&had an older boyfriend. I've been dealing with a female Narc at work, I don't swing that way, and she's married. I've dated on and off. A friend at church set me up on a blind date with an older man who struck me as creepy. He sent me a letter at work that was filled with fortune cookie quotes... he couldn't come up with anything original. I didn't take it any further. I'd rather be careful than attract another loser. I've dealt with Narcs, but they are small potatoes compared to the ex-P. They're small indie movies that open at art houses, while he is the Big Budget Epic with A-List Stars. My former Narc boss looks downright angelic and saintly in comparison.
September 9, 2011 - 6:36pm
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

Married Men Who Want to be Friends (with benefits)

Tell this man in no uncertain terms that you do not want to be friends. Even better, delete and block him from your email. He'll get the message and look for supply elsewhere.
September 9, 2011 - 5:20pm
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Delete! Return this puppy

Delete! Return this puppy before you get attached! Hunter
September 9, 2011 - 5:24pm (Reply to #25)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

you and done sourcing made me

you and done sourcing made me laugh, hunter. haha! i am still at work...leaving soon. just a quick note of thanks everyone. i honestly didn't think much of any of this...just a guy at the gym. he seemed to be very...single...in his behavior. but, i wasn't 'interested' per se...just a getting to know him kind of thing, but clearly, this cannot go anywhere NOW. I don't think he sees it that way, or he wants the wifey at home...and someone on the side. I can't say that with certainty, not knowing him that well, but men who truly ...TRULY....care about their wives' feelings, aren't telling random women the things he's told me. Hey, at least he admitted he was married...this could have gone REALLY BAD...! lol Where's sara smile? LET'S GO JOIN THE MONKS...LOL!
September 9, 2011 - 5:05pm
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Smitten and friends and

Smitten and friends and married man...you know the answer...try a bookstore, lol ds
September 9, 2011 - 4:56pm
WakingUP (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Your gut already told you.

Your gut already told you. Listen to your gut. Don't call him back. Telling you he's smitten is a big red flag - would a potential girlfriend say that?? NO. He's not interested in being just "friends." I agree, he's testing your boundaries. Oh, and "smitten" was the exact word my narc used early on. Its probably in the handbook.
September 9, 2011 - 5:44pm (Reply to #21)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

waking up!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! "It's probably in the handbook" LOL! This was one was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too obvious. RUN!
September 9, 2011 - 6:54pm (Reply to #22)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

sunafterrain

lol...I know, it should have been obvious. But, I honestly didn't think/know he was married. He acts very 'single,' for lack of a better word. When he started talking about his wife, it was so strange. And he mentioned her right after he said...he's smitten with me. lol WTF? I don't understand men anymore! (sorry done sourcing, you seem like a good man, though lol!) :=P i just figured out your username, sunafterrain. all this time, i thought it was...'sunafteratrain'' which i was like...how odd. lmao! See, this is why i'm oblivious to the obvious! lol
September 9, 2011 - 4:59pm (Reply to #20)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

lol--this made me laugh ''in

lol--this made me laugh ''in the handbook'' ...i hadn't even thought of him being a potential narc. how dumb is that? have i learned nothing?? i will write more when i'm home...
September 9, 2011 - 4:50pm
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Don't reply to the jerk!

Don't reply to the jerk! That's just my opinion.
September 9, 2011 - 4:46pm
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I KNEW I came to the right

I KNEW I came to the right place with this. Looking back to last night’s IM session, after he made the comment about his wife…I asked if they ever work out together and he said…’’no, she’s not into that at all.’’ See where this is leading? Nowhere good! I just continued, and then said, I had to go…and this morning, was when I decided to send him the email. It just doesn’t feel right, and instead of ignoring this, I should heed your advice. So, do not reply? That’s it…just don’t reply? thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 9, 2011 - 6:14pm (Reply to #14)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Deidre40

No reply is necesary. Remember these guys can sniff us out like hounds. If he persists then tell him under no circumstances will you be his quote friend.
September 9, 2011 - 6:55pm (Reply to #15)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

happy

thank you happy...i plan to not reply. you know what's rather sad though? this guy apologized, not even 'knowing' me all that well or for that long, and the ex N NEVER apologized! lmao! i give up.
September 9, 2011 - 11:10pm (Reply to #17)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

The only reason he apologized

The only reason he apologized was to get himself off of the hook because you called him out on his behavior. He is trying to save face. He didnt do it for you. Don't mean that in a mean way:)
September 9, 2011 - 7:00pm (Reply to #16)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

D

I get ya! Mine never apoloigized to me either. But he sure seemed sincere and full of fake I'm sorry's to others. We need to remember this too. Hugs
September 9, 2011 - 5:08pm (Reply to #12)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Its a friggin record

you set the record, no date at all and you already have to go NC, and no response. Probably after 6 mos and a couple grand in therapy you will learn how to survive the loss :) ds careful (they're everywhere)
September 9, 2011 - 5:25pm (Reply to #13)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

done sourcing

HAHAHAHA!!!! I didn't even date him, and I'm going NC. hahahaha that's hilarious. i needed a laugh today. ;)
September 9, 2011 - 4:42pm
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

youve answered your own

youve answered your own question. Hes pushing your boundaries and testing your morals. want the bet, after you sleep with him hell say. "but I told you I was married". these scum suckers are all the same, friendship my arse, hes trolling for extra sex supply. why dont you listen to your own instinct . it is saying, keep away he's a lying deceptive shit. Second, stay away from gyms and internet dating sites, if you want a relationship or real friendships. both GYMS AND DATING SITES ARE INFESTED WITH NARCS> if you are worried you'll never find a man. living the rest of your life alone is far better than the terrible damage these shits bring to your life. STAY THE HECK AWAY!!!! the men there are almost always slime sucking predator putting out their nets. married men who really want to work out in the gym, get in there, do the exercise and go home. if they are hanging around online or in the gym. they are vermin. stay well away dont answer anything . send him a three line message "you are married I have nothing more to say to you".
September 9, 2011 - 7:06pm (Reply to #9)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

foolednolonger

((hugs)) and thank you for this. I really love your reply ...and I do plan to not reply back to him. I told him I was sorry for appearing flirty (when I found out he was married), and then he apologized ...and went into this long email. All I know is this. If I were his wife, and my husband were telling another woman he's smitten with her, I'd be pretty hurt. So...that's all I could think about when I sent that email this morning. I don't know if he's a narcissist, and perhaps my judgement is clouded because he's a christian man, he's a minister, actually. I can see all of you reading this right now...if I were a fly on your walls! lol Thanks for being here for me. I clearly still need advice when it comes to this, but the good news is...I'm taking it, and in my gut, I knew something was not right. Before the ex N...(and the one before him)...I might have fallen into a trap. @ dabussard...I appreciate your comment, because your story could really happen to anyone married. You're unhappy, and then someone like your ex strolls in, and there you go. And before you know it, you're wrapped up with a really bad guy.
September 9, 2011 - 10:09pm (Reply to #10)
How could I
How could I's picture

Oh My Lord

Oh My LORD, mine is clergy too!!!! STAY AWAY GIRL!!!!! This sounds like the same guy - same story!!!
September 9, 2011 - 4:39pm
dabussard
dabussard's picture

My Dear Deidre

I agree with everyone else... My relationship with my N started out as friends... He knew I was married and that I just wanted to be friends... Next I knew he was telling me he loved me and uped the anti my wall came down and boom I was left raw and bleeding... We all know these narcs start out charming, loving, and we think that we have found our soul mate... Then Boom, we have found a monster... Please be careful!!!
September 9, 2011 - 4:33pm
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sounds like a narc at work to

Sounds like a narc at work to me! I have many male friends, my field is mostly male, sometime they get out of line but I make sure the stay straight! It's all about boundaries! I don't like this dudes approach ! Just don't answer him anymore! Hunter
September 9, 2011 - 4:33pm
Layla
Layla's picture

You know the answer to this.

Any relationship you have to hide from your spouse is a relationship you SHOULDN'T BE HAVING. I am willing to bet the farm his wife knows NOTHING about his little chats on the internet at night. Saying you are Christian and acting "Christ-like" are two entirely different things, and I say this as a "Christian".....true followers of Christ know you leave and cleave to your WIFE, not lady-at-the-gym.......and you certainly don't keep secrets from her, either, and you can bet you are a "secret".....
September 9, 2011 - 7:09pm (Reply to #5)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Layla

I agree...I would bet his wife doesn't know either. Last night, before he told me about his wife, there were these super long pauses. I kept typing to him...if you have to go, that's fine. He would then reply...oh, no...I was just distracted. Then, it would happen again...and he'd say...''I had to plug my computer in...'' and it went on and on and on like that. No...probably what was happening, is...he had to stop typing, because his wife was nearby, and when she came in the room, he probably minimized the window or screen or something. Once he told me about his wife, it all clicked. Ugh... I honestly don't care. I've only known this guy a few months, and have minimal chats. Just the past few weeks, have we talked a bit more about our faith, working out, and then he started expressing more of his 'feelings.' So...I wasn't falling in love. No worries there!
September 9, 2011 - 4:28pm
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

This is one of those times I

This is one of those times I would say "WHAT WOULD HUNTER DO" I swear I am going to have bracelets made up that say "WWHD"........... She would say "Hark, Hark, I hear a Narc" And she would be right, as usual! Stay clear from him, he is poison and he is testing you. DON'T BITE, YOU WILL REGRET IT!
September 9, 2011 - 7:10pm (Reply to #3)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

sparrow

yes...what would hunter do. should be bumper stickers with that mantra. we love you, hunter! :=)
September 9, 2011 - 6:16pm (Reply to #2)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Hunter would have given him

Hunter would have given him her look and he would have walked away. :-)