I feel messed by the Call again today.

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#1 August 31, 2011 - 11:08pm
June09
June09's picture

I feel messed by the Call again today.

My Ex N called me yesterday and she started to accuse me and for the first time i gave it back to her saying it was her making and stuffs and i told her i don't care what she does and the best thing that happen to me was her breaking up with me.She tried to make me guilty and sad but it did not affect me for what ever reason and something about relationship came up i told her i don't care who she goes with.She told me the guy she has been cheating with me is an amazing guy who likes her and treats her so well.i said good for her and stuffs and she also said she has driven past my house few times and that she has not seen my car which sounded really funny to me.She told me as a boyfriend i never did anything for her but she knows i gave so much of my time and effort into her and i mentioned it back to her.She told me she was going to melbourne this weekend and i told her i don't care where she goes and who she goes with for which she replied i am going with my girlfriends and she said she has to go now and hung up the phone.Today i got a call from her and she said she received and email from my one of the contact about some previous business matter and i said to her i am busy and i will give her a call a bit later.When i called her she said she has nothing to do with it and that i need to check my stuffs i sit and wonder why am i being dragged into this and she said she does not want to talk to me anymore and she cut the phone one me.When i called her right back she says i hang up before she even says bye and that its for that reason and that she does not want to talk to me any more and hangs up the phone.I sent her a message right back saying " i don't appreciate what she is trying to do"..i feel confused and lost.What is she trying to do and what does she get out of it.Do they mean what they say or just act immature.I am feeling confused and lost.

September 5, 2011 - 8:25pm
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

She is a disturbed, twisted

She is a disturbed, twisted person. Truly. Disordered. She wants a reaction. Please go NC. Once you stay NC FOR GOOD? It will become effortless, and you will truly not care who she's with, what she says, why she does what she does. It's called...sweet freedom. :=)
September 1, 2011 - 1:20pm
LuckySpurs
LuckySpurs's picture

Selective Memory

You talked about how your exN said you never did anything for her; wow, that sounds soooooo familiar! My former pal told me the same thing. She acutally had the gall to say that I had NEVER done ANYTHING for HER! Her delusions know no bounds. In reality, our "friendship" revolved around HER and what I could DO for HER. Never about me and I was sick (literally) and tired of it! So I was backing away from the "friendship" for some breathing room which is part of what prompted the final D&D. A year later after I had sent her an email confronting her about rumors she was spreading about me to anyone that would listen; she wrote back and said that she could never wish me ill because I had done so much for her and I was there for her when no one else was. (You can see the email in the "It's All About Her" forum, if you want) Narcs are great at "selective memory", it just depends on what day it is and what their objective is for that day. They're crazy! For real.
September 1, 2011 - 12:45pm
OneoftheEXs
OneoftheEXs's picture

Well it's simple...

I'm sorry you are being dragged and hammered into this drama of hers... It is simple really, she is doing it because she is MENTALLY ILL. She has a personality disorder. She is not happy with herself and she is masking that pain she caused you by putting the blame on you so she feels she done nothing wrong and move on with her life like nothing happened. Just think about this, whenever she calls from now on, because you already broke up, and because she is already with another. Things will not get better with her.. you will never get back together unless you want another round of abuse... so basically she is caput, someone in the past, someone you knew before but now is just part of yesterday, a waste of your precious time. She will drag you in her drama as long as it takes for her to feel ok with hurting you. She always seeks validation and to get that from you, she needs you to acknowledge that things didn't work out because of YOU and NOT HER. AND if she realizes that the guy she is with sucks, she won't accept that the perfect her made a mistake so she will find all your faults or invent your faults to convince herself that the one she is now is better. I'm sorry you have to go through this but the only way to stop this pain is to go No Contact as this amazing forum has been supporting all of us to do for however long we need it.
September 1, 2011 - 12:10am
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

You are doing good. Try to

You are doing good. Try to not answer the phone, she wants to mess with you to make herself feel better. Take away her power by not calling, answering, or responding to anything she says or does if you can. Good luck and keep reading here and writing here as well. ds
September 1, 2011 - 12:20am (Reply to #2)
June09
June09's picture

Ok.Because i responded to her

Ok.Because i responded to her does that mean that she has the power over me now.Or will she call me back to argue with me..
September 1, 2011 - 1:08pm (Reply to #7)
OneoftheEXs
OneoftheEXs's picture

Taste of their own medicine

No she doesn't. She wants to but she doesn't. She will try over and over and it's up to you to just ignore her. I would tell you , a woman who loves you will take care of you, listen to you and show you concern. A woman's love is wonderful, it seems to me that she is not that woman or capable of being one - a total waste of your time. So.. if she attempts to tell you AGAIN that the other guy is better and that he treats her nice, tell her that "you are sorry you made her feel that way but you realized that she is not the one you are looking for as a long term partner and you will be the most amazing guy you will be for the one girl you think deserve it". WHO IS MESSED UP NOW F***KER! OK... so maybe that is bad.. you don't have to say that, you can just write it down to get your frustration out...but it's just nice sometimes to give them what they give you which is devalue you. This forum does not support revenge in any way and i totally agree with that method which i actually practice.. but ..i just feel like sometimes you need to kick someone so they stop kicking you....
September 1, 2011 - 12:27pm (Reply to #5)
June09
June09's picture

Please help

i am feeling really messed up after the calll.feel really hurt and sad...
September 1, 2011 - 12:51pm (Reply to #6)
megamillion
megamillion's picture

Hi June09, I'm so sorry

Hi June09, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. You asked above if she had control/power - this is the exact question I asked in the first few weeks of starting NC. I wondered how she would take what I said/did, etc. I KNOW how hard this is - I can still feel the physical pain of the D&D and the crazy-making that makes you feel like your mind is reeling, or that your head might explode. The best and only way for you to really feel better is to get away from her. Go NC completely, do not answer her calls and do not engage in her conversations/arguments. It is really hard because you just want to be heard and have your opinion/perspective validated - but SHE WILL NOT GIVE YOU THAT. You have to remember that it's all about HER, all about her needs, wants and demands. It almost sounds sarcastic and I know I scoffed in frustration when I was told the same thing, but you must TAKE CONTROL by focusing only on YOURSELF. This might mean only focusing on yourself for 20 seconds before thoughts of her come back. Envision your future, focus on your work or projects, examine your fingernails, etc. One trick I used early on when I was spiralling about things she said/was doing was to count/list everything I could see in the room around me: chair, pillow, lamp, rug, tv, outlet, table, cushion, wall, skirting board, plug, coffee cup, etc. Once you can do 20 seconds, you can work your way up to longer and longer. Your brain has been trained to think about and respond to her; now it's time to retrain that brain to think and respond to your needs and your future. It is very difficult but it gets easier as you get away. I am still working on it. You can do it, believe in yourself and love yourself more. Hugs and wishing you strength xxx Mega
September 1, 2011 - 12:27pm (Reply to #4)
June09
June09's picture

Please help

i am feeling really messed up after the calll.feel really hurt and sad...
September 1, 2011 - 12:27pm (Reply to #3)
June09
June09's picture

Please help

i am feeling really messed up after the calll.feel really hurt and sad...