Alicat's story

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#1 Aug 24 - 2PM
alicat
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Alicat's story

My ex left about 3 weeks ago. We have been dating for 2 years. We met at a time when we were both going through divorces. I should have known he was not very stable! We went full force from day 1! I was still weak from my divorce. He was still in denial about his. He started yelling at me for little things and was often mean from about 2 weeks after we met. He had alcohol and prescription drug problems but I held on to the good times, and thought I could "save him" I knew there was a good person in there somewhere! Or so I thought! We continued our journey, he went to rehab and we moved in together when he got out. I bought a house and a new car. He landed a very low paying job but helped with all the bills. He lied from day 1 as well. When I thought he was working he was just driving around all day doing who knows what. He lied to everyone. I still put up with it. it was like an addiction and I hoped things would eventually change. I have 3 boys and he has 1. They grew very close. Things seemed to get better then something else would happen. He would blow up at me for no reason and made it seem like it was my fault. I was the crazy one. I drove him to all his anger and abuse. He got physical with me a few times and I often had bruises. Why didn't I leave then? It's crazy to me! He left the night my parents took all of us on a lavish trip! He said he couldn't take it anymore! He left me feeling like I did horrible things to him. He would text me ugly hurtful things and said I deserved it for all the hell I put him through. Really? He might as well have stabbed me in the heart!!!! I gave my all to him and the relationship! Now he ignores me! I am trying to stay strong and have been following the no contact rule. I truly believe he has no empathy! I still miss him at times why I don't know! I just wish it would all go away!!!

Aug 24 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Well.. I guess I'll say it

Well.. I guess I'll say it again, welcome to Narcville! There is an amusement park here too! Rollercoasters, merry go rounds and lots of things to make your head spin!!! With a little work on your part and NC in time you can put this Circus behind you! Welcome, I hope you get off this ride!! We are all here to help! Hunter
Aug 24 - 2PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Alicat, sweetheart,

welcome to the forum, though I'm sorry you had to land here. This is the right place for you. First of all: IT ISN'T YOU. IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S HIM. HE'S DISORDERED. HE'S A FREAK. YOU DON'T NEED HIM. Second of all: NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. You've been doing very well with that. Third: The feelings you have right now at this three week mark are very, very normal. I know it confuses you to think you "miss" him. You really don't, it's just cognitive dissonance going on in your head. This gets better with time and knowledge. The fog clears with no contact. It takes time and distance but it truly, truly does clear and the confusing feeilngs and thoughts get less and less. You are embarking on a journey that will take a commitment on your part. It's hard work but it's so worth it! Truly. I'm at 10 months NC from a six year journey into HELL and I am happier than I ever thought I could be. I'm 53 years old and life is amazing...there are many good things happening now. I would NEVER EVER go back to a sick, unhealthy, disordered situation again and you will get there too. Just so you know, the disordered one I was involved with was a liar, manipulator and when I was catching onto him he also got physical with me to terrorize me and deflect from the issues at hand. Read all you can on this website. The blogs are very, very helpful and full of tips and insights that really help. Working the steps is really helpful, too. Getting it out, posting here or writing in a journal is a vital key to recovery. It helps you build strength, especially when you can see the truth in black and white in front of you. Also the support of others here is SO AMAZING it will help you stay strong. We have community members at all stages of recovery and some still in the relationships (I was still in it when I joined). There is much wisdom, knowledge, insight and even humor here! Alicat, sorry to make this so long. I just want you to know it will get better and you will be happier than you have been in a while if you commit to going through the hard work and process. It's worth it. Hugs, braveheart, and know you are at the right place. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT. THE SICK FREAK TRIED REALLY HARD BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!

spinning

Aug 24 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
alicat
alicat's picture

Thank you so much for the

Thank you so much for the reply. I really needed to hear that. I am so glad to have so much support from people who have gone through the same hell as I have. I am so glad you are happy and to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is so scary to think that there are vicious men out there that don't really care about you at all. It is just so hard to understand that it all was a lie. I know now by all the reading and support I have been given. I look forward to utilizing these forums. I will need the support on the days ahead. Thanks Again!!!