Freaked's Story

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#1 Aug 22 - 1AM
freaked
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Freaked's Story

Friends, i am having a really horrific time. After 5 weeks at this forum, finally I have been able to Close my Emotional Response. I am finally DONE with this NH. The question I am requesting an answer for is : HOW TO I GET THE NH TO TELL ME THAT HE WISHES ME GONE A-N-D GET MY ALIMONY?

I really am in a very serious situation. After discovering the TRUTH about NPD-Psychopathy, I feel terribly frightened to be staying under the same roof. It is raw terror I am experiencing.

as i mentioned before, since i am living in a socially backward country, women can never hope to receive fairplay/justice.

what I am requesting here is . . has anybody from socially backward location ever received a clean cut from a NH? I really need to know. I am losing hope of freedom from this cage and suffocation is rapidly engulfing me. I am hanging on here at this forum for dear life.

I am not exaggerating. before i had discovered about PD, i had always accepted sh** thinking there must be something horribly wrong with me...only NOW it has dawned to me that i have been Normal and Human all along...but perhaps Uninformed rather than call myself Stupid. If anything I believe I am not a stupid person.

Is there any Manipulation i can do so that NH cuts the knot in least troublesome way?

Till now he has not even mentioned about the divorce from me which he is discussing with OW.

at first when i came to know I was very scared of being flung into the street. Today... I am desperately PRAYING that he really sends me the D Papers asap.

I also want to live for some years in PEACE.

Honestly, I don't know how i survived so long? Just my need to be alive so that I could protect my child? I confess... that is the one and only reason i managed to survive in this devilcage

Aug 23 - 12PM
freaked
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NOTE to myself:

Dear Freaked, ASK yourself what being in a relationship allows you to not have to face or address about yourself or your own life. Some of these things are difficult to get to. For example, did you grow up believing that being in a relationship would make it so you didn’t have to be responsible for yourself financially, emotionally or socially? Relationships can be a great way of not having to face the things we could or even should do in our own lives. We can postpone our own decisions, not strive for our own goals, and forget our own ambitions and dreams. We can avoid having to find out how we would fare in the world on our own, and that means we can avoid being responsible for our own lives and always have another person, or people, to blame for why we don’t succeed. It means we don’t have to face our own fears. Sometimes maintaining a bad or abusive relationship saves us from having to figure out how to support ourselves financially, or return to school, or to be a single parent, or to date again, or to possibly have to be alone for a long time. Sometimes even a shit relationship can feel safer than figuring out what you need to do for yourself. Make a list of all the things that are important to you in your life. What people matter to you? Are you maintaining quality relationships with the people who matter to you? If you are not, why aren’t you? What are the things you want to do, be, achieve? Are you doing what is necessary to get to those places? If not why aren’t you? Often we put other relationships on hold and stop doing the activities that nurture and nourish. Sometimes it is because the energy to maintain an abusive or dysfunctional relationship is so high that there is no energy left over to do anything else at all. Sometimes it is because we get lazy and start to skim along the surface of our lives rather than delving into the meat and potatoes of it. Sometimes it is ignorance. We don’t take the time to figure out who we are and so we don’t notice when we aren’t being ourselves. This is an exercise that pinpoints our excuses, all the reasons we allow ourselves to opt out of the responsibility for our own lives. If you were to take each of those reasons or excuses and come up with three proactive steps to change it - you would be well on your way to a more balanced and healthful life, which includes balanced and healthful relationships. A final exercise that is easily incorporated into a life strategy is looking at developing personal responsibility and accountability. This is not the type of responsibility that occurs from balancing your checkbook or getting to work on time, although that can be a part of it. Rather it is learning to become self aware and live authentically. Throughout the day ask yourself what you think, what you feel, what you believe. When you answer those questions, check to make sure you are acting in a way that is congruent with what you believe, think and want. Everything you say and do moves you one step closer to where you want to be and who you want to become (and let’s face it, life is very much a work in progress). If what you are doing isn’t taking you forward, it is taking you one step farther from where you want to be. No one else makes these choices for you. You are the only person in the driver’s seat of your life. Where you end up is completely dependent on what you are willing to do in between now and then. The greatest thing about all of this is it is never too late to begin to be authentic, truthful and personally responsible. The only thing that is necessary is a willingness to become self-aware and to be congruent. Building healthy relationships isn’t difficult. The challenging part is learning who you are, what you want, and figuring what you are going to do to get yourself there. Life is an adventure and should be treated as such. There are no excuses for woosie lives, and shit relationships.
Aug 23 - 6AM
freaked
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sharing a useful link

http://survivingcontrollingselfishmen.blogspot.com/
Aug 22 - 10PM
Hunter
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Freaked

Welcome, When dealing with a Narc know that they never go away. Hunter
Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
freaked
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Thanks Hunter

Dear Hunter, thanks a lot for your reply. I am in a jam because I do not have a job nor can I find one given my poor health. Do you think it is OK for me to just accept this harassment and stay on until the NH himself gives me the final handshake with hopefully a small purse for me to eat food and have a simple shelter? I am in a big quandary. It is a no win situation for me.