Had a run in with the ex friend today and i am OK

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#1 August 18, 2011 - 7:47pm
PhoebeR
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Had a run in with the ex friend today and i am OK

First, wow thanks for the new topic area, since I have been married to a male N and friends with the female version, this will be helpful.
Well, some may know that i had a falling out with my friend of 20 years earlier this year. Basically she was selfish, took advantage of my good nature and made me feel bad about myself. We have not spoken, and although it has been hard I am learning to move on and finding the real me again, after my divorce last year and this incident as well.
So, part of my story is that i helped my ex friend get a job. A good one, with a major company, the same one I work for. So there is always the chance of a run in, even though the place is huge and we work on different floors. Well today it happened, i was on another floor for a meeting, and we had the bathroom run in. I was coming out, she was going in. Mind you we have not spoken, and she was the one at fault, but to be polite and cordial i said "hey" as i walked by. She scowled at me, and kept walking. It hurt but was not unexpected and I was proud of myself for being the bigger person. So I carry on with my day, and run to the ladies room again, and sure enough, there she was and she says to me "Hello again". Um again? Is she psycho? Everything is fine now? Um. i dont think so, a simple cordial Hi does not mean, all is forgiven, its not a welcome to her to come back into my life and treat me like crap again.
I know the whole thing sounds like high school and in a way it is, but the reason i bring it up is I for once, am ok with this. She has been my trigger, the person that makes me feel bad about myself, and the thing is, i don't feel bad, i don't really feel anything. Maybe confused, which I am, but sad, no, angry, no. It's odd in a way. Maybe i am healing, or maybe i have figured out what and who I need in my life. It feels good but strange in way.

August 26, 2011 - 1:00pm
LuckySpurs
LuckySpurs's picture

Run-in with Narc ex-friend

I had a near run-in with my Narc ex-friend. I was at my niece's dance recital and my former friend was there to spy on, er, I mean support her competition. I had a feeling she might be there. I heard her voice and it shocked me in a way. Just eerily familiar. I had already planned to be corgial if we did end up coming face to face with one another because we were "friends" on facebook at that time. I was there with my entire family (whom she hated, because they are my support system). I thought it strange that she was being all flamboyant and making sure everyone heard her over anybody else and when she saw me there with my family, it was as if someone sliced out her vocal chords at that moment. I have no doubt that had I been alone she would have come right over and put on her sweet face so that everyone could see how nice she was being to me, unfortunately for her, my family (just by being by my side) freaked her out to the point that she hauled butt ASAP. It just showed me that nothing has changed with her.
August 26, 2011 - 7:55pm (Reply to #6)
PhoebeR
PhoebeR's picture

Near run-ins suck

LuckySpur, I hate the run-ins, and hearing the voice sends shivers down my spine. I actually had to go into my closet and get rid of the things we bought together on shopping trips or things she told me to buy, she liked to get me to spend money I did not have. It is good you have a support system in your family, mine is the same way. I think she freaked I was so nice and did not know what to do, they seem to like avoidance and get scared when faced with the people they hurt, they feel powerless I think, and to them its all about power.
August 20, 2011 - 6:20pm
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Sometimes life around a narc

Sometimes life around a narc is like high school, lol. But there is value in growing past toxic relationships. Good for you for for seeing the truth, and dealing with it in a mature, adult fashion. Nothing to regret tomorrow, and that is freedom! ds
August 20, 2011 - 6:45pm (Reply to #3)
PhoebeR
PhoebeR's picture

Done sourcing

Well they say high school really never ends, and they are right. What i have realized is that she was not a nice person all the time. She made fun of and criticized people all the time, and also thought every guy in the room was hitting on her. While I was going through my divorce from the N she said he, the N, had hit on her. Really? Even if he did, don't tell me. It was a mean thing to say and the timing sucked. I feel free not having her in my life. My boyfriend said the last thing i need to do is rekindle that friendship, especially now, some day, maybe, but I am still a little raw and trying to heal. Someone on this site told me once, that once you see them for that they are its like someone gave you new glasses and you can finally see. It's so true. In time we all will heal, and move on from the toxic people in our lives.
August 25, 2011 - 11:11pm (Reply to #4)
Deidre40
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Hi Phoebe--welcome. :=) It's

Hi Phoebe--welcome. :=) It's good to finally get to a point when we recognize these people for what they are. I think that without finding this site ...I'd still be lost. My new mantra since healing from all this is...don't let people into my life who mean me harm--physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or financially. If someone means me harm in those areas, they will not be my ''friend.'' I don't hold grudges. I am a forgiving person, but like your friend telling you your ex husband was hitting on her. Please. Sure, they are disordered. But, we can't cure them, and I won't stand by and let their disorder play out on me, anymore. Without victims, they probably would have no disorder. lol I commend you for coming to your realizations. Hope to see more of you here.
August 19, 2011 - 5:29pm
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Hi Phoebe

Sucks to run into the X, yet it sounds like you handled yourself extremely well and yes they do tend to act like everything is fine and dandy after a Hello. I have run into narcs from years ago who were just horrible to me and they seemed to think that we could get together now like NOTHING happened. Truly amazing, isn't it? They lack the sense of time and emotional memory that the rest of us have. I know what you mean about that almost feeling nothing feeling. I had that the other day with my narc. Once you get to that point and the emotions are barely even there, it does feel strange. I was almost questioning it, lol, like asking myself, why is it that I am not feeling anything. Am I not supposed to be feeling gut wrenching pain or the euphoria of the blissful first days and when the emotions are gone it feels odd, yet for me comforting to know he no longer had that pull and power over me. Sound like you are making huge strides in your recovery. Great news and thank you for sharing this, it gives so many of us hope for handling those untimely unexpected run ins with the Narc. God bless, Goldie