GeorgiaGirl's story

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#1 Aug 18 - 4PM
GeorgiaGirl
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GeorgiaGirl's story

I met him at a time in my life when I was very vulnerable. I was a newly separated mom, 3 kids, working two jobs 7 days a week and a N-husband who I didn't know was an N. I had spent Christmas alone, drinking in a bar with my sister and it was now New Year's eve. I was a waitress, he was a customer and the rest is history.

Within 2 months, we were functioning as a family. He billed himself as a shy, quiet, overwhelmed single dad of 5 kids. I was taken in by his charm, sense of humor and family man persona. And the sex...oh the sex. I moved in with him by month 5 and seriously considered moving out by month 10. I didn't know why but something was really wrong with him. He would make nasty comments to me in front of other people. He would pretend we weren't a couple in public. The sex had completely stopped. I thought he might be seeing someone else.

But then he changed. He went back to being the shy, sweet, charming guy I met and we were engaged almost 1 year to day that we met. I was over the moon but he didn't seem thrilled and refused to set a wedding date. 2 months later I found out I was pregnant, I had come in to a large sum of cash and he suddenly wanted to get married. I'm ashamed to say I didn't see through him at this point. He was so sly, cunning, covert and manipulative...he's really good at his game.

We were married in a small church and 5 months later our daughter was born. Once the attention was no longer on him life went to hell in a handbasket. He started threatening to divorce me when she was about 6 months old so we started counseling. Then the abuse really started in earnest. I was always wrong, he was never to blame, my kids were the problem, my job was the problem, the baby took up too much of my time, I was too hard on his son, I needed to make him more of a priority, blah, blah, blah.

In January of 2011, the abuse became overt and he raised his hand to me. I filed for a restraining order but was denied because he hadn't actually hit me or threatened my life. In February I made contact with the domestic abuse center and in March he drove me across 4 lanes of traffic during one of his rages without stopping or looking. It was then that my kids (15, 13, 9 and 18 mo) and I moved in to a shelter. He changed the locks, didn't call or try to find us, didn't ask to see our daughter for 17 days and filed for divorce. I started with an attorney who kept urging me to "just settle this" so on a psychologist's recommendation I fired him and found another. I have a great therapist, a great new attorney and I'm fighting for my daughter's life.

He is now fighting me for custody of a child that he spent less than a 1/2 hour a day with. She was only ever an obstacle and now she is a weapon. Our temporary hearing resulted in joint custody with week on/week off visitation. I've never been apart from my daughter overnite up to this point and she is exhibiting behavior consistent with being emotionally abused as well. I'm a successful business professional, drive a nice vehicle, had a good life before him and I never thought this nightmare could happen to me.

To top all this off, my ex-husband has submitted an affidavit in favor of my husband but it was excluded from the temporary hearing. He could still testify in court and he hates my guts. The judge we will go in front of will give sole custody to one party and the other will get every other weekend, every other holiday. The trial likely won't be until January if we are lucky. I'm scared but relying on God to see me through this. He is my rock.

Aug 20 - 9PM
Sparrow
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So sorry that you are dealing

So sorry that you are dealing with this Georgia. Heartbreaking story.......aand so sad for the children. He sounds bi-polar to me. Has he ever been diagnosed? Whats with the ex husband siding with him? Is he disordered as well? Please stay strong, continue your therapy and lean on God as you do. This will all work out for you. I don't know where you live, but where I am from, the child stays with the Mother unless she can be proven to be emotional unfit and or on drugs. Good luck, stay strong!
Aug 18 - 5PM
ordinarycourage
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reply to Georgia girl

Glad you posted your story...was thinking about you and mediation today. Will your older children be allowed to testify or give statements? I'm not too familiar with that aspect of family law but that would sure go a long way to counteracting your first husband's testimony.
Aug 19 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
GeorgiaGirl
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If my ex-husband testifies

I don't think I will have any choice but have my kids testify. Especially my oldest son, who is seeing through his dad more every day. I appreciate you thinking of me yesterday! It's great to know I have the support of people who have "been there, done that". This has been such a solitary journey so far and to know that I am not alone in it brings me a lot of peace.
Aug 18 - 5PM
Hunter
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Wow that's a suckie story

Wow that's a suckie story indeed! And Wow, you rock, you are in control and this cat doesn't like it!! Stand your ground and win!! He will never follow thru with full custody does he even know how to change a diaper?? I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Stand strong! Hunter
Aug 19 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
GeorgiaGirl
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Thanks Hunter!

I love your no nonsense approach to dealing with these assclowns and hope I can find more of that "spirit" as I continue to heal. He claimed in mediation yesterday that he had screwed up so bad with his 4 older children that he wasn't going to make that same mistake again with our daughter. He is in this to win and I really don't think anything will stop him short of a court order.
Aug 19 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
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My Suggestion is let him win.

My Suggestion is let him win. Why waste time going back and forth with court costs. In a month or two he wont fufill his obligations and you can prove your case. He cant complete. They get bored. Hunter
Aug 19 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

Then I run the risk

of losing custody of my older children. My first disordered ex will use it to prove that I'm a liar and unfit mother. He has threatened to do so before and if I give in it's the perfect opportunity for him to really go for it. My kids are everything to me and they both know that.
Aug 18 - 4PM
spinning
spinning's picture

GG, I am so sorry this happened

to you. I am so glad you found this community and want you to know there is a lot of help and support and valuable information here. I want you to know YOU ARE A STRONG STRONG WOMAN! Good for you for firing that sorry attorney's ass and FIGHTING. This is your future and your kids' future and it's worth every ounce of fight you've got. Your disordered one is obviously trying to stick it to you. To show who's boss. To continue to control you. It's all about CONTROL with these freaks! All the sudden he's father of the year? What a joke! Dig out every bit of ammo you can and make sure your attorney knows it. I am sorry you couldn't get a restraining order. There is something really wrong with our system when a woman is threatened (but not actually physically hit ...yet... ) that she cannot get the protection of the courts and judicial system. I know because I went through this. GG, this guy may be "good," but you're better! He will NOT TAKE YOU or your precious daughter DOWN! You were duped by a master, but no more. You know exactly what you're dealing with now and that's a good thing! I really dislike this guy. I can only hope the universe, God, karma, and all that is good will take care of things. I'll be praying too. You are a very strong woman! Don't ever forget that! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I'M IN FOR THE LONG HAUL. THE SICK FREAK TRIED REALLY HARD BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN.

spinning

Aug 18 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

Thanks Spinning

I've been reading here for quite a while and I enjoy your posts very much. Your support means a lot! I am so fearful of losing my girl to this monster. I have joint custody of my other children and feel that I am a very good mom. But stbxN has caused me to doubt every aspect of myself including my ability to parent. I'm working through so much right now emotionally and fighting for my girl is just another piece of it. I'm right around Step 4 and starting to enjoy life again...that seems like huge progress by itself. Again, thanks for your positive words!