Red Flags, but I was colorblind :(

1 post / 0 new
#1 Aug 9 - 11PM
freaked
freaked's picture

Red Flags, but I was colorblind :(

from the Archives of the Narcissism List by Sam Vaknin:

Q: What can the average person gain from your knowledge, experience and book?

A. The average victim can gain peace of mind. Labeling the incomprehensible and cruel behaviors of the abuser has a soothing effect. The book offers a plethora of coping techniques and tips as well as tools intended to help past victims avoid a future replay of their ordeal. How to spot a narcissist or psychopath, how to cope with maltreatment of all sorts, what to shun and what to seek - I like to think of my book and my Web sites as a guide through the hell of abusive relationships.

8. Ten traits to be on the lookout for that will reveal the true narcissist sitting next to you...(sort of a checklist to run on its own beside the main story)

1. Grandiose statements and frequent, unwarranted boasting and lying.

2. Feelings of unbounded entitlement and haughty superiority.

3. A consistent and energy-draining pattern of exploitation (give without take).

4. Blames every mistake of his, every failure, or mishap on others, or on the world at large.

5. Hypersensitive and hypervigilant - picks up fights, feels constantly slighted, injured, and insulted

6. Cruelty and lack of compassion.

7. A history of battering or violent offenses or behavior coupled with serial jobs and relationships.

8. Possessiveness, control freakery, and excessive, pathological, explosive jealousy

9. Lack of respect for your personal boundaries, wishes, and privacy.

10. Rapid cycling - between moods, between idealizing and devaluing you, between preferences and beliefs, etc.

If you have exclaimed "yes" to any of the above – stay away! He is a narcissistic abuser.

Q:How can we deal with narcissists at home/work and not get sucked into their web?

A. There is only one true and tried remedy: avoid them and abandon them. You can easily manipulate the narcissist by providing him with narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, affirmation). Narcissists are paranoids, so, you can also (legally) deter or frighten your narcissist. But by far the most effective strategy is to utterly ignore them. Narcissist can't stand being ignored and they go away.

If you are forced to remain in touch with the narcissist (for instance, if you have common children or common property) - reduce any future contact to a minimum. Be in contact through third party professionals: attorneys, accountants, law enforcement officials.