I just joined this site and I wanted to let everyone know how much your stories have helped me. I want to share my story and see if any of you can relate.
I met my exN on a dating site two years ago, but we also happened to work at the same large corporation. I wasn't immediately into him but he was persistent so I gave it a go. As time progressed and we became intimate, I felt more of a connection. Few red flags, but not enough to get out: His texts (oh, and he would ONLY text and email.. he didn't like the phone!!!) would be a bit "rote" such as "To be here now with you , looking at the stars, would be perfection.." Seriously, who talks like that??? Maybe he heard it in a movie perhaps...
Our first major fight was regarding the fact he never wanted to call me....probably because it was too intimate for him. I became so used to it that I became totally accustomed to texting and emailing. On average he would
text and email me 50-70 times a day.....it was outrageous but I got used to it. Looking back, I realize it was ALL about control, not about closeness. My mistake!!!
So, there were plenty of good times of course....we played lots of sports together and attended many social events. At the same time, he became increasingly sarcastic and demeaning.....it was always sugar coated with "Oh, you are cool...you can handle it, etc.." I just let it roll off my back. In the two and a half years we were together, he broke up with me 3 times (the fourth was the last and final). Each time was some lame reason that he usually made bigger than it was....making assumptions not based on reality. I always took him back because I thought things would be different, like he would change based on the fact he had "missed me so much". How ridiculous!!!!
I had a unique opportunity at the beginning of the relationship that I didn't take advantage of. My girlfriend at work knew the N's ex-GF. She gave me her name and showed me her pic on MySpace etc....One day I decided to read her blogs (why it took me so long to check this out is beyond me...) I was blown away by her entries. She wrote about their many, many breakups in such detail that it was obvious I was living her life....NOTHING changes with these people.....The exGF wrote of the promises he broke and the lies he told....and promised a ring, just like he did with me!!! It was as if God had said "Here....please be warned by this...."
So, I at this point I have him "figured out".....and you could tell he knew it.....He started to become more emotionally more abusive....attached, suddenly detached....DEFINITELY rageful....getting mad from 0 to 60 over stupid things, constant projections....
So it finally ended June 25th!!! One week prior, I had the nerve (imagine that!!) to stand up for myself and ask if we could spend more time doing things I wanted to do. Well, after a week of receiving the silent treatment from him, I told him it was over, blocked him from FB, and told him we couldn't be friends. He really couldn't understand why not.....they really don't ever get it, do they????
So, it has been about 3 weeks of NC and I'm better than ever.....seeing things more clearly and learning from all of your experiences. Thank you so much everyone for sharing your stories and insights!!!! Hugs to all!!!