"Daddy" fetish

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#1 Jun 27 - 2AM

greengirl91

"Daddy" fetish

I believe my ex N had a strange fetish about being called "Daddy", lol. Did any of your Narcs had it too? He always sort of introduced me as the Father figure, some sort of Protector, to keep me his little girl forever. Always, even in the hoovering "love" songs from him, there was one with him "schooling his little girl", who can`t wait to be screwed by "Daddy". Jeez, I guess this was his way was showing he has total control over me. In the beginning when I think, it was funny, but then it got kind of creepy and sick. Just like him I guess.

#2 Jun 28 - 2AM

greengirl91

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your replys, it only confirms and sows that these N men are very much all alike, whether are Mom ensmeshed, Dad enmeshed or both..mine had a thing for Pink Floyd music and concept, huge fan, and in the movie "The Wall" it shows a little boy growing with the ideal of his father, adoring him, wanting to be like him, and being somehow suffocated, overwhelmed by his mother`s love. I think that`s kind of hapened to the ex N. When I thik about it, I haven`t had a strong father figure myself while growing up, always felt like the adult in the relationship between me and my faher. That was one of the reasons I was first drawn to ex N, because with him I felt "safe", he looked very manly, wasn`t afraid to take decisions and challenges. But later on, I was gonna discover that this "manly" thing was nothing but a facade, a fake persona he created.. One of the things I found hard to let go in the relationship with ex N, was some sort of strange connection, for example, he walked into a room once, when I was there, and we both looked in the same diretion, and I said as a joke to myself, in my head "oh, that teacher sure looks funny with that haircut!" and then he said exactly the same thing out loud. It was weird..as if he was reading my mind. But yeah, I better take my head out of these thoughts, for my own good. And as for intimate relationsip between us, I think he was more afraid than I was. As if, if he had been intimate with me, somehow he would "take" my innocence or something, and then I won`t be his little girl forever. I mean, in a healthy NORMAL relationship, both individuals grow, both individuals evolve..they enjoy having intimate relationships and grow together into the experience. With ex N, he even recently, through hoovering, left me the impression that an intimate relationship with me, would be traumatizing for him, even more than for me. I know thing were "intense" and all that, but really, it`s frustrating to be so "in love" with someone, and not being able to hold him, or be with him. In a normal relationship, both individuals strive to grow, to be with each other, nurture each other in healhy ways. In toxic connections like these, it`s like being always stuck in a slow motion scenery, a cycle of idealisation, withdrawal, devaluation, discard, whose ending and control, HAS to belong to Him. Or else. That is exactly what I`ve been trying to explain to ex N before I finnaly so called "left" his existence forever, but I`m not sure he "got it" for real. It is true I had moments with him, when I felt I didn`t need anything else in the world, I felt COMPLETE, and that`s what they say about "true love" right? That when you hold that person in your arms you don`t need anything else in the world. And I felt that. And he knew that.. Only that those who call this "true love" don`t mention the "punch" that I received moments after, when I saw him making out with a complete stranger in frontof me. This "modification of the script" doesn`t appear in the true love scenery, where overs are supposed to want to spend all the time together, not wanting to screw half of the town, when the other isn`t looking..shame on these conmen. A healthy relationship is based on trust. How can he expect me to believe him and come back for the I-don`t-know-what-time, only to play the role of his "little girl" who caters and nurtures him, while he screws half of town?..Jeez, they have a nerve to ask that, lol! Well, all in all, happy recovery to everyone, and hope to see you on the other side of the tunnel, the side where there`s sunshine, laughter and joy for all of us! Peace, GG

#3 Jun 27 - 7PM

Susan32

He had one himself

The ex-Psych prof gave the silent treatment to fellow professors who called him by his first name. The ex-P was deeply enamored of his Daddy;he was more Daddy-enmeshed than the typical Mommy-enmeshed Narc. His girlfriend was masculine, a scientist of sorts (a curator), wore glasses... with the exception of the bald spot&flamboyant eyebrows... she was in a sense a clone of his beloved Dad. The ex-P would refer to his father by his first name in class (yes, it was something I saved for use later, and yes, I used it), and speak admiringly of his father. I think his father is the only person he admires&respects. In contrast, his mother would factor in some of his stories, but she remained anonymous. The ex-P would say that if I married him&bore his children, I'd have to watch him kiss his father affectionately after kissing my hand like a stranger because that's what Prince Andrei in "War and Peace" does to his pregnant wife Lisa. He kisses his pregnant wife's hand like a stranger, but then kisses his aged father affectionately. The ex-P knew how I am devoted to my father. My father, like his, is accomplished in academia. The ex-P saw that mirrored in me. At times, he'd be jealous of his father&say "Do you think I'm smarter than my father? He's a scientist but I'm a philosopher!" He had a Daddy fetish... for his own Daddy. Surreal.

#4 Jun 27 - 5PM

onwithmylife

green girl

He and I had what I thought of as a daughter, father type relationship, , he often acted like he was my father and I was his daughter I had to say YOU are not my Dad and I am not your daughter.

#5 Jun 27 - 5PM

Susan32

Let's go to the Morning Becomes Electra Coffee Shop

The ex-Psych prof is 15 years my senior... he ended up ditching me for his girlfriend who was only 5 years younger than himself (she was 32, he was 37 when they tied the knot) The ex-P would constantly compare himself and I to Leo&Sofia Tolstoy. Leo was 34 when he married the 18 year old Sofia. I was 18 and the ex-P was 32 when we first met... at the final D&D, I was 22, he was 36. The final D&D would, to an outsider, look more like an exasperated parent dealing with a weeping toddler (with me weeping, him lecturing) at the mall than a NORMAL breakup between adults. When I met the girlfriend, the ex-P said that his engagement to her was "private", acting the same way if a parent were acted an intrusive question about their sexual life by their child. He thought my congratulations were "intrusive." The ex-P relished the teacher/father role. He'd reproach me for acting like a schoolgirl, call me a slut if I dressed in a feminine way (his girlfriend was VERY butch, she even had a crew cut like him) He'd say "When you come of age, you will no longer sing" because Natasha in "War and Peace" stops singing as a result of being toyed with by the psychopath Anatole&marrying Pierre. During the final D&D, I wrote an essay about "Anna Karenina" (the ex-P was paranoid about me reading his beloved "War and Peace"-turned out it pissed off my classmates instead of me) and how Alexei Karenin&Constantine Levin are married to women young enough to be their daughters, and treat them as children rather than adults. When Levin is depressed&going through an existential philosophical crisis, he doesn't appreciate Kitty's love&support... he basically does the silent treatment&contemplates suicide. My professor at the time said that I was using my essay to figure out my relationship with the ex-P... and I wasn't even using the FIRST PERSON!!! I wrote from a very personal place, albeit in the third person. So when Lisa Scott says writing is important for recovery, SHE MEANS IT!!! In "Anna Karenina",Levin is enamored of Kitty's childlike qualities, he doesn't see her as an adult. In one striking line, Tolstoy says "He (Levin) did not put himself in her (Kitty's) place" during their courtship. In a similar way, Alexei is condescending towards Anna&their son. Anna has "repressed vitality";she wants to be physically affectionate towards Alexei, but he is cold to her... no wonder she ends up committing adultery with Vronsky. At the beginning of the relationship, the ex-P asked me if I had read Tolstoy's "Family Happiness." I said yes. At one point, the lead character, Masha, says she felt she was destined to marry Sergei because he made toys for her when she was a child. So yeah... another parent/child relationship instead of a spousal one. Sergei doesn't relate to Masha as an adult woman. He treats her like a willful child, instead of a spouse with issues and ideas of her own. The sad irony with the ex-P... is that he DISAPPROVED of me volunteering at a local elementary school. He threw public tantrums. He makes my baby nephew look like the embodiment of contentment&bliss. The ex-P acted like a father figure to me... the irony is that he doesn't acknowledge his own children. Every mention of them omits mention of him. His parents are raising them. He wanted to PLAY at being a father with me... but the REALITY of being a father to his son&daughter? They ended up being raised on Tatooine&Alderaan.

#6 Jun 27 - 9AM

greengirl91

Daddy complex

Yes it`s strange indeed. It wouldn`t be wrong in a normal healthy realtionship that our best friend, boyfriend to be protective, but to these Ns, it has sick conotations. I suspect mine also of course, like all Ns, being turned on by "nasty" stuff, so-caled "corrupted minds". He had favourite songs, about pervert old men screwing "nasty 13 girls, who know how to nasty" quote..bleah. Classic Madonna/ Whorish complex I suppose. Also, I suspect him to be Mother Enmeshed dude, almost certainely..read about it, and they say these type of men avoid intimacy, avoid having intimate relationship with spouses, gf because when they are so called "in love", all those infant feelings and triggers come back, in the present relationship. It`s sad really..that`s how my ex was. Said one hudred times, "I`ll be with you, I`ll love you, I`ll do this, that" and when we were face to face, he behaved like a scared little boy, like he was scared to touch me, or look into my eyes. I felt very bad for some time, blamed myself for a loong time, because I though he didn`t wanted me sexually or something. Now when I think about it, and when I remember his explanations like " I want you close, but I keep hearing those voices in my head" and so on. I don`t know if that`s how he really felt, but it`s sad because those individuals are really not capable of being in a healthy, true relationship. And in time, I think they get worse and worse. How many times didn`t he promised, he`s probably still hoovering right now to "baby come back stuff like that". Brakes my heart, but this time I really have to do the right thing for myself and keep the distance. And guess what, now I even became attractive to him sexually as well, probably because I keep him at distance and let him starve, and suddenly now, he wants me back! Bollocks that never ends..

#7 Jun 27 - 7AM

Lobo555

Infantilization

CharlieSheenWinning viewed me as a little girl, no question. He kept forgetting how old I was -- forgetting that I was only 3 yrs younger. He was very protective, which I thought was sweet, actually. He was always asking me if I'd eaten dinner -- he had this thing about my not eating enough. I eat plenty! :) He'd also pick me up and bounce me up and down in his arms like I was a child. He always talked about how "tiny" I am. He called me "kitten" and told me I was "cute". Blurgh. It kind of got annoying. He never saw me as more than a little-girl plaything. Never took me seriously.

#8 Jun 27 - 6AM

dudette

My psycho dad

did it differently He took me on holidays and restaurants and would introduce me to people as his girlfriend.... since we look very similar I am not sure that it ever washed.... but yeah, my N wanted to be the protector and since I am very short and younger than him, that kind of worked....and I wanted protecting....he once gave me a song called "you're lost little girl".... They are sick I tell you.....

#9 Jun 27 - 5AM

agnesmurphy17

Daddy Complex

Hmm. That's interesting. Mine wanted a woman to sit in his lap like a child. He said it made him feel "manly." When I met his first ex-wife (me = 2nd) I noted that she was petite. And the woman I replaced was petite as well. I am not. I was about an inch taller than N. And I didn't like that whole protector/daddy thing. Which became yet another problem. N was forced to marry me to raise captial to buy the house he wanted. All this other crap came out after we were married & bought his house. I was conned.

#10 Jun 27 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

onwithmylife

Agnes

My narc put a woman, she was little and petite on his lap, when he was working with the woman, she was married and nothing happened between the two of them, this was all before I went with him, but still thought it is strange, so many mother issues and not growing up with hem

#11 Jun 27 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Bitter-sweet

Now I think about it

he was always pulling me onto his knee and carrying me around the bedroom. I'm very petite too- actually I'd rather not think about it...lol

#12 Jun 27 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

spinning

Greengirl, and all

who've commented here...the short answer is YES. And like Bittersweet, I'd rather not go there. YUCK! They really are disordered FREAKS, aren't they? Peace and hugs to you and to all who stop here from, (not) spinning. NEVER AGAIN. I REJECT ALL REJECTS!!!

spinning

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