Almostover's Story

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#1 Jun 19 - 1AM
almostover
almostover's picture

Almostover's Story

My N and I met as teenagers and dated briefly. I ended things because he told me he loved me after only two weeks. I thought this was strange and told him we should just be friends. We lost contact after awhile. After seven years, he found me through mutual friends, and we began dating. In the beginning we talked mostly on the phone and online due to our schedules, and my hesitance in his meeting my son. We spent the weekends together sometimes. I realize now that this was a dream come true for him, it was so much easier for him to rope me in. I was six months out of an abusive relationship, and he made me feel like a princess. It was euphoric. We were married within a year.

The first lie he told was when I asked why he didn't drive. He described in detail the horrible car crash, and even cried while doing so. I learned later that there was no accident, and he had never driven a car in his life. He lied about foods, music, and movies he liked. He lied about his spiritual, social, and political beliefs. He lied about not being able to see his father when he was a child. The worst part of all of this, he used my love for my son to get close to me.

In the beginning we spent a lot of time together as a family. He coached on all of his little league teams, took him on father son outings, and taught him about computers. He took interest in his education, and even helped plan birthday parties. After about a year, he treated my son as if he were invisible. If I said said something to him about it, and I always did, he would say that my son was rejecting him.

Then there was the crazy making, NLP, manipulation and projection. I was always being told that I was being paranoid and insecure. I was even told that something in my brain had snapped and was unrepairable because I was molested as a child. I was always catching him in lies, mostly thanks to his mother. Whom by the way will lie for him if she thinks he's in a pinch. Next, was his childhood friend. The man was always making references that he and my husband were in a sexual relationship.

My N went through 18 jobs, and was sporadically unemployed for almost half our marriage. The sad part is that I didn't realize this until after he was gone. We were almost always in financial trouble, and he seemed to be completely unaffected by it. He would show no emotion regardless of the situation, and when he did it seemed fake. Who the hell asks you to check out this new comedian because he's so funny, but doesn't laugh the entire time they're watching it?!

Towards the end, I was no longer any fun to him. I didn't get excited when he told me about his fake job offers. I showed no enthusiasm when he told me about all of the shopping we would do as soon as he landed one of these lucrative jobs. I didn't believe him when he told me he wanted to get his license. I refused to fawn over him when he told me about his issues at work. I didn't get sappy when he talked about doing things with my son and planning for his future. I ignored him when he talked about returning to school.

One day I took a long hard look at myself. I had gone from a vibrant strong young woman, to a depressed old hag. He finally ended things after I asked him one day point blank, "WHY DO YOU LIE TO PEOPLE SO MUCH?" He had just gotten off of the phone with one of his friends. For the next two weeks, he looked at me as if I were the most disgusting thing on the planet, and gave me the silent treatment. He actually told me he wouldn't be able to talk for the next month or so because he had so much work to do.

He moved out a week later at my request. I asked him to work out the finances with me, he refused. I filed for divorce the next day. He then disconnected the utilities, and my cell phone. Next, he bad mouthed me to our land lady. After that, he deactivated my email account. I was unemployed when he left, but found a great new job soon after. Unfortunately, he knows one of my co-workers. She and several others began harassing me daily. Two of them have since been fired.

Once the fog began to clear, I saw what was truly happening. I couldn't understand at first how he could throw my son and I away like trash. Since he's been gone, things have been getting worse. I found out that he's been on every dating site and social network imaginable, and even used MY NAME on some of them. It's been five months since I filed for divorce, but it's still not over due to his stalling. I know he doesn't want to stay married to me, but his attorney is a relative of his new victim, and he doesn't want her to find out before he's roped her in completely.

In a way I feel sorry for her, but she knew he was married when she began dating him. Even still, I hope she sees the evil before it's too late. I have since been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. I am trying to heal, but it seems so difficult most of the time.

The worst part of all this, my teenage son is exhibiting most of the same behaviors; Lying, manipulation, NLP, crazy-making, telling me I said things I didn't, turning things around on me when I catch him in a lie. How can I recover from one N, when there's another one living in my house? I hope that I'm wrong, but I'm sure I'm not. I've been trying to figure out what I can do to keep him from hurting people in the future.

Well, that's my story (for now)... Sorry it was so long, but I'm sure most of you understand.

Almostover

Jun 19 - 7PM
JoJo
JoJo's picture

You've done well to leave

What you went through was awful. You were strong to get rid of him. And life without him is better than life with him. Like a poster below said, maybe try counseling for you and your son.
Jun 19 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome, Welcome to freedom,

Welcome, Welcome to freedom, as far as your son is concerned get him evaluated! Hunter
Jun 19 - 6AM
BadaBing
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Almostover

Welcome =) sorry you are hurting Narc's are extreme and they do lots of damage you found the right place!! be sure to read Lisa'a Blog posts they are great and all other mod's have great info too educate yourself so you can heal the sooner the better
Jun 19 - 3AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Thankyou for sharing your

Thankyou for sharing your story. I can relate to many things you have written here. I think we all can... Very glad you and your son are away from such a damaging person!!! Welcome :)