That's exactly what mine said to me ' there's sstill some stuff in your flat - are you not coming to get it before you leave?' He mentioned that twice - even though I said I'd get it once he left the house.
I will not go back. I'm just worried that his revenge will now be with words to other people - maybe even mutal friends we have.
xx
Well my situation was slightly different.
I left about a month before we split just for one night.
Then he D&D'd me, left me devastated.
2 days later he tried to come back. But I wouldn't let him. I completely discarded him and wouldn't even talk to him.
He turned mental on me. Showed up where I moved to several times and I called the police on him. Rang me, texted me and i reported him for harassment.
He then proceeded to smear my character to everyone we know.
They do not take being discarded well. It ain't over till the narc says it's over!
Yep. Their patience is incredible. My ex once remarked in a 'jokey' text "I'll just bide my time and then hit back three times as hard..."
I'm afraid, it is all about the game and Littleone is right - they are the ONLY ones allowed to call the shots. Pride, winning, being in control and being in control of the ending is paramount to them.
No lie. He hooked up with a woman the day after I had the I'm-Done talk, married her 3 weeks later. The talk was 3 months ago, and they are still walking down Lovers Lane. So far, no discard for her.
After years of breaking things off with him (I always did the breaking off), I finally put my foot down unequivocally. He met me for a drink and told me he still wasn't over his girlfriend who'd dumped him 2 yrs ago. Then a friend of his walked in, he went outside with the friend, was chatting, and I didn't even get to respond. I walked out of the bar.
This really set him off. Didn't hear from him for a few days, then he emailed saying he was upset that I walked out. I named a day to talk, keeping my email brief and curt. He called before that day, saying I should come over so we could talk. He had wine. The hot tub was going. He was obviously drunk. I didn't return the call.
He called the day we were supposed to meet and cancelled. We rescheduled. On the rescheduled day, he kept calling to put the time off because he was drinking with friends. I knew he had no idea I was going to dump him, so I kept at it, wanting to dump his ass for closure.
We finally met, I told him, "This is old and I don't want to do it anymore." We'd just taken a trip 2 months prior so I said, "If two years and a great vacation with me didn't get you over X I give up. I give up on YOU. I'm done."
He said okay. Then the hoovering started. I'm so beautiful. I'm so COOL. (Who uses the word "cool" at 45????) He's so glad he's not losing me as a friend because I mean so much to him. He loves me. . . as a FRIEND.
Then the whole schtick with NewWinningWife started and I haven't heard from him since. He did send a narc proxy to where he thought I would be to break the news of his "constant sex" with the new woman and the fact that they got married.
I've been avoiding him and his poison friends ever since.
From what I've read here, they look for new supply AND hold a grudge! They go with the new for a while and when things get rocky there, come back to you like a boomerang from hell. So, hang on to your seat and stay strong!
But from what I've read here, "absentee sperm donor" is more like it. *I* was the one who skipped town without telling anyone, not even telling classmates&professors whom I trusted. I pulled the disappearing act.
9 months after I left, the ex-Psych prof's girlfriend was giving birth, to twins no less. The timing was eerily accurate. I sent congratulatory emails on the marriage/childbirth (I had an advantage in NOT having been the ex-P's girlfriend/lover/spouse)...very brief ones. One went "congratulations on being a father!"-a one sentence email, without the formalities of a "dear" or "sincerely." It had been a year since the final D&D.... and the response was silence, not even a "f**k off." Mind you, he became a father a decade ago.
There had been a detailed announcement online about him becoming a father, getting married, his parents moving in to raise his kids... and it has since vanished into the aether.
I guess for him, congratulating him on being a father (and knowing his hatred of children, plus his disgust with pregnancy) and congratulating him on being married (after all, he claimed personal violation/imposition when I congratulated him on being engaged).... AFTER I had left, was the old "add insult to injury" (in his sick mind)
Leaving without telling him left Narcissistic Injury.... but wishing him happiness in his new life, making closure on MY terms... was an insult of sorts (albeit unintentional) At the time, I saw it as making closure, and 10 years ago, I got the silent treatment. His silence hurt a decade ago... but now I realize it's golden.
Marrying and becoming a father is WAY extreme! CharlieSheenWinning has been snipped, so no way for him to be a dad. Thank God -- I think he'd be lousy at it.
I'm so glad you handled Professor Narc the way you did. It was perfect! What a hard thing for you to encounter at such a young age. He's a total narc -- not deserving of anyone.
Yes, silence is golden.
As a pro-lifer, I think your ex-N engaged in an act of self-sacrifice when he got snipped. It was an act of generosity, and for once, thinking of the FUTURE.
Yes, it was probably ALL ABOUT HIM--but unintentionally, he was sparing children. He SPARED innocent children the pain of a narcissistic parent.
The ex-Psych prof used to mock me that I wasn't contributing to society because I wouldn't have his babies.
And he's not even raising/acknowledging his kids. (His parents moved in to raise them)
A college student with emotional/intellectual needs is NOTHING compared to a baby whose needs are constant. A baby needs to be fed, held, nursed.
CharlieSheenWinning, unlike Charlie Sheen, has spared children a self-absorbed, destructive father.
He did it for the kids. Thank God!!!
I suspect when the ex-Psych prof got tenure, it was more like a parent/teacher conference than the usual ones. All I know is that his father keeps him on a VERY short leash on campus (unlike the dog park here in town, where the canines run freely) His bad behavior was so PUBLIC (the Ns who keep their nastiness private have SOME sense of self-image/self-preservation, they have common sense)... that I think his father might've gotten my side of the story. And I didn't have to lift a finger.
Mind you, the ex-P loooved living on his own in New Mexico, far from his parents in Massachusetts (ironically, my sister, brother in-law&baby nephew live in Boston)... he could live life as he pleased. He could do what he wanted. But now they live with him. He felt he could get away with A LOT because they were several thousand miles, not to mention a few time zones away.
I found closure with my baby nephew. I did find it triggering that the ex-P's father and my brother in-law not only have the same first name... but they're both Harvard grads. And there's Massachusetts.
I remember thinking, "GREAT! Is history repeating itself?" But Nietzsche said history repeats itself as comedy ;)
The ex-P was replaced with a toddler.... and I'd rather deal with an immature toddler than an immature, unaccomplished middle-aged prof who acts like a toddler.
My nephew tires me out, he babbles nonsense, he goes from one activity to another... I love him... and I am NOT SUFFERING. NOT AT ALL!!!!
Your wise words and experience are so important to me.
Yeah no contact is the way forward. I will not respond to anything if he crops up in the future.
I really wish he didn't exist. They're all parasites.
Thanks all xxxxxx
Hi Badger
Well my situation was
Says it all
Yep. Their patience is
Mine Reacted by Getting Married!
Mine reacted by becoming a father...
Okay, yours wins! :)
Your Narc spared the next generation!
Daddy's Home
Thanks Guys