He asked for a final dinner

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May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"I'm busy"

That was the ex-Psych prof's perennial excuse when he left me standing at concerts/lectures. He'd never say WHY. I'd be waiting, waiting, waiting... and he'd never show. He'd grimly say "Go be with your friends." Yeah, there are times I'd loooove to leave a cheery message on his voicemail, saying I look forward to seeing him at the college reunion, how I loooove&miss him and NOT show up (it's kinda hard to go to a college reunion when you didn't bother booking a flight or making a room reservation in the first place) He couldn't stand it if I made him wait at the coffee shop.
May 29 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

The best plan of all

I have to agree -- I love the idea of saying you'll meet him then leaving him hanging there for hours with lame excuses. How many times have we all been through that?!!? Please, please tell us how you are after the dinner if you go. I won't tell you what you should do, but I will say I'm concerned for you. Be careful and good luck. And again, *be careful*.
May 29 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
hryan77
hryan77's picture

there is no

there is no such thing as closure with an N...you may go in feeling strong, thinking you have a plan...but you will never one up an N...I went through this with my ex before this last exN...I'd go in with total control, and would end up sucked back in or totally verbally and emotionally destroyed. You have all the closure you will ever get...
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
jackguy
jackguy's picture

Unpredictability

The one thing that has surprised me about NPD is that it seems that if a person has it then it makes them utterly ruthless in a way that a non-narcissist can't match. This makes them unpredictable on an ongoing basis - you cannot predict the direction an interaction will go because you can never truly think like a narcissist or switch off empathy in order to think, feel or behave like a narcissist/sociopath. This means that they will always have the capacity to harm someone who has the natural ability to empathise and feel and to expect humanity. I think the most hurtful thing for your ex would be reject his invite for dinner. That would impact on him in a way as a loss. Are you sure it's not a longing to have him back? I am in early days and still long for my ex - I broke NC around five days ago and all it has done is weaken my resolve - made me ruminate about "can I fix her", "is she soft and longing for me underneath it all?".
May 31 - 12AM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I kinda agree with everyone here

For what it's worth regardless of how it's said, my biggest fear is the fact that the narc you are planning to meet seems to rate high on the sociopathic/psychopathic scale... I have a similar attitude as you do Ephiphany, I'm not scared of the narc anymore...I do have the balls to call him a P&ssy to his face without batting an eyelash and I have and a few other choice words...and I don't know why, perhaps part of his act, I doubt he'd do a darn thing now...to a certain extent it is entertaining, and mystifying, but I also know he's certifiably crazy...if he were ever diagnosed offcially, he'd be locked up somewhere...then again, the one I was with hasn't done one quarter to me of what yours has done to you...which of course is another reason why I think the narc you speak of is a bit more dangerous... Nonetheless, knowing that no matter what I say won't reach his core, touch him, move him, hurt him, anger him, instead he'd have a lasting erection compliments of his ego just because he got me to bite then go home and screw his baby orca of a girlfriend's brains out telling her how much he loves her and how sexy she is without so much as a THANK YOU for providing their evening's foreplay possibly allowing him to get it up WITHOUT viagra...if it were me, I wouldn't go...but I've been there and done that, not with the same intent as you...and in true narc relationship fashion it was anti-climatic, uneventful, and of course I spent a few MORE months working on the closure I thought I'd get. In the end, once you get past it...you learn not to give a fuck about the closure because you learn it just ain't gonna come so you suck it up because ain't shit else to do. BUT, if you feel this is gonna do it for you, go for it...because you're gonna go for it anyway and either prove us wrong, or need a good vent and either way, we're here for you. Me personally, I'd advise against it but it looks like your mind is made up...from someone who's done it though if I may share the experience, it's right up there with faking an orgasm. Hugs!