Mine only has women friends too, no men friends whatsoever. Even in school guys didn't like him and he only got along with women. I'm thinking it's because other men can see him for what he is and know he's a loser. It was so hurtful and insulting to me when he started telling me about his new GF like a was some buddy or something, KNOWING how I felt about him and after we had been lovers for the past year. It was unbelievable to me how he had no respect or regard for my feelings whatsoever. But then again, he has no empathy so how could he understand how that made me feel? And now that I know just what's wrong with him, I know he also did it to hurt me.
Oh SK, I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I tried to be "just friends" with no benefits with my ex-N, he did the same thing to me. He started telling me about ALL his new women in FULL DETAIL...sex, what he liked about their bodies (mind you they were built the EXACT opposite as me) and it killed my self-esteem. He acted as if we had never been together and had no regard for my feelings or how I felt. It was AWFUL! I think he also started behaving this way to hurt me...because I refused to sleep with him or make time for him like before. Like you, I now know what he is and see him for the sick SOB he is.
TovaBella
I REALY REALY AM SO SORRY, I HAVE BEEN A BIT NIAVE, I HAVE ASSUMED WHEN WOMEN ON HERE HAVE SAID THEIR NARC TALKED OF OTHER WOMEN I ASSUMED LIKE ME THEY WERE FRIENDS WITH NOTHING PHYSICAL OMG I AM SO GUTTED FOR YOU AND THE WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN THIS INVOLVED WITH THEM, SO THAT BASTARD WAS DOING THIS TO HIS OW ABOUT ME, NO WONDER SHE CAME LOOKING FOR ME. I SEE SO CLEARLY NOW,AND HE TOLD HER I HAD MET SOMEONE TO KEEP HER OF TRACK ABOUT ME, I HADNT MET ANOTHER MAN BUT I WAS MATES WITH ANOTHER MANXXXXXXX
We were romantically involved for over a year when he dumped me over night for the new OW. He used to talk to me about his women friends or women who were pursuing him that he SAID he had no interest in, and his previous relationship and it drove me nuts. But when he tried turning me into just a friend and started telling me the intimate details of his new love life with the OW he DUMPED me for, I realized just what a sadistic bastard he was. I told him WE ARE NOT FRIENDS and if the only thing he had to talk to me about was her, we had nothing left to say. That was on the final day of contact, haven't communicated since, and that was 9 weeks ago!
WELL DONE SK, MAKE THAT 9WEEKS , 9MNTHS THEN HOPEFULLY 9YEARS, I HAVE BEEN REALY DENSE OBVIOUSLY I KNEW THERE IS LADIES HERE MARRIED TO THEN OR IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT I REALY DIDNT GET THAT THEY SPOKE OF OTHER WOMEN TO THEIR G/F WIVES, OH DEAR NO WONDER NARC USED TO BANG ON ABOUT, I TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT USED, YOU JUST DONT RELIZE IT AND I USED TO THINK YOU HAVE JUST SCREAMED I AM A C,,T, HOW IS THAT RESPECT , BUT I GET IT NOW, OH I NOW GET WHY HE WONT GO AWAY, I GUESS IN HIS EYES HE DIDNT GET ANYTHING FROM ME, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANXXX
Thanks, I've had so many urges to write to him and blast him on some new realization I've had reading things on this board, but I've resisted. I know it would just FEED him some more and I refuse to give him that satisfaction. When we were in a relationship, I never knew why he talked to me about other women, except that he liked making me jealous and the attention he got from me. Now I know it's a trait of theirs and part of the whole triangulation thing, since they all seem to do it. Of course, it got progressively worse over time and it didn't start out that way. I think it's like that with everything bad they do. Things just continue to get worse and worse, like a snowball rolling down hill until it culminates in the final, horrific D&D.
Ugh. .... this is familiar, I was downgraded to friend from gf and he used to ogle other women in my company but then say they were probably too stupid for him. I found it so hard because he still flirted with me, but then would tell me about all the women who fancied him. ... but he wanted to be celibate! !!! Very hard to bear, the friend thing.
I could move on more easily if I could acquire the financial security that he has - and that he has flaunted in my face throughout the relationship. He has never married, has no children, lives away from his extended family, has made to close friendships that require his attention and can came and go as he likes, when he likes.
I'm so grateful for my children and my friends, and definitely for my job - even though it allows VERY LITTLE free time for myself. So, I wish I could somehow change my situation so that I had more financial security and could let go and relax and really enjoy my life.
What bothers me the most about the exN is how he protects himself so fiercely all-the-while wreaking havoc in my life and others that he has been involved with. He just carries on with his lavish lifestyle, wonderful vacations, expensive purchases, etc. as if the rest of us don't exist.
IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM!
NLB,
I agree! If I knew his other relationships he's in now or moving towards were just as f*cked up as all the others i've witness and experienced myself, I could move on quick. If I knew that all the other women weren't *perfect* as he claims they all are and that he would screw them all over, it would help make me feel better about myself faster, rather than having to rebuild myself brick by brick. I could move on truly knowing for myself that his *perfect* woman truly doesn't exist and that he'll end up being as f*cked up as he was when I first met him.
Do I want him to die? No, I don't. However, I do want him to truly suffer...as I would love of all the Narcs that have screwed over all of us amazing men/women on here. I believe that is TRUE payback...to KNOW that they are suffering and that they CAN'T EVER fill the huge void that they all have within them. Hell, if that happened, I'd want all of us to get together and celebrate, haha.
TovaBella
I know you haven't witnessed it first hand but you do KNOW that any relationship he has is loaded with the same sick games and perverted request, cheating, lying and the whole arsenal of Narc BS!!!!
Mine is the perfect example. He's been cheating on her since the first month they started dating. He's been begging me to sleep with him since we broke up! He is AWFUL to her. He makes her think they are going to get married and she is the love of his life. He's telling me the exact same things!!! It's INSANE!
They are the sick! Psychos! Bastards! Cheaters! Liars! PIGS!
I met ow, well she came looking for me, he said and done excactly the same things to her as he did with me, only it was worse for her, she thought she was in a relationship, i knew i was in a friendship, in the very beginning of meeting him i said i dont do anything physical , not in any shape or form. he still said the same old crap to the pair of us, i love yous, pet names the whole bit.
BECAUSE THAT IS ALL THEY KNOW HOW TO DO.
When I saw the title of this post and before I opened it to read it, I thought for a moment on what I would need to move on. And the answer was the same as yours NLB. To know that she wasn't so special after all. That their whirlwind romance is falling apart. The OW questioning him and the s.o.b lyng and cheating. I do know that he lied to her already...that I was the one that cheated and he was completely faithful with me. HAHAHA! OMG! So not the case. It makes me sick but I knew that he would do that because he lied to me that he was faithful with the other women in his past. Now I am friends with the woman he strung along and cheated with on these other women who he cared and loved so much but something was missing so it didn't work out. GAG. I want to know that his family is truly disgusted by him and finally stand up to him and tell him "who do you think you are for doing this AGAIN!" Then I can truly close this chapter without peeking and reliving it.
It would be nice to watch him as he goes about his daily routines, it would actually be quite entertaining.
Let me tell you, you don't have to see it to believe it. I'm going to tell you from Experience, the same things he told you, did for you, did to you, etc. he's done and will continue to do for the other "victims" to come. BELIEVE ME!
For example: *he told me that his ex told him she loved him after 2 wks, he thought she was psycho & ended it. Come to find out, he told her I love you after 2 weeks & she got scared and ran away- to this day he tries to connect with her & not knowing better she feeds his ego.
*The same names he called me, he called her.
*When I couldn't be there for him, he'd call her, when she'd cuss him out, he'd bad mouth her.
In the end- because they're so psychologically f*cked... WE, you and I... are the crazy, psychos... Little do the know! They may be clever but they're not very smart!
This thought because during my moments of such utter grief I say, WHAT THE HELL DOES IT TAKE for you to move on does he have to murder someone and be on the news, I mean MY GOD, I DO BELIEVE YOU KIWI, (by the way I love Kiwi ha) I believe with all my heart he has done this to the women he has been with behind their backs, I HAVE PROOF, he was this was 25 years ago with a poor girl that hung on to him for 10 years and he NEVER married her but then he was also 28 years old too, he is older now so he has to keep this one, someone that will care for him when he gets sick, old and dies, I wish the death part would come first but only the good die young it seems, the mean sick bastards live to be 100, ha God doesnt want them either. But you would think HELL would want them, waiting down there with pitchforks. I will probably go to hell to for what I have done but it wont be quite as hot where I will be going, so I will be throwing ice chips at the bastard ha ha ha
Still though if he died tomorrow it would not take away what he did to me while he was living so I would not get much relief from his death, I want him to LIVE and SUFFER right here on earth in his mortal body I want to take away something from him as he did me, something that is very important to him it couldnt be a person because they just use people, I would love to take away that image he has built for himself in his community, expose him for what he REALLY is, SHAME HIM, RIP OFF HIS MASK but then again I want to live so I am not messing with that crazy deputy dog. I would love to take all his money away from him, see if the GF sticks around with the freak then, its amazing what one can tolerate when you live in the lap of luxury with no self esteem. I KNOW and SEE what the clever NOT SO SMART ass wipe is doing, he knows he is fucked up so he spent his life acquiring wealth for himself THAT is his power and THAT will hold many women to stay with him, not all but MANY will find that hard to walk away from. He thinks his wealth is a sign of how successful and smart he is, what a great guy, worked so hard all his life so he is such a good catch. Its a sign to me how he has CONNED and played everyone his WHOLE life, including his own mother and father.
So ladies, WE KNOW the truth, we have seen the underhanded cheating psycho side of them and yet why dont we feel lucky that we can walk away? And who ever is with them is being being made a fool of. It comes down to, who would you rather be? The woman who was tossed because she got too smart and wise? or the woman who has no clue? The woman who has no clue may very well one day discover who she threw away her life to. I have to laugh when I posted this What would truly make you move on, and you guys said, DEATH, OMG I know I know they dont deserve to live, but death is much to easy of a punishment I want to see mine suffer, besides how can you wish death upon someone that is already dead?
"So ladies, WE KNOW the truth, we have seen the underhanded cheating psycho side of them and yet why dont we feel lucky that we can walk away?"
Because we found this stuff out when we still loved them. The full horror of it all didn't come to light until the end, and even then we couldn't figure out HOW, WHY, or WHAT the hell happened or WHO this guy really was until we started researching the disorder. I was devastated at the final D&D because I took it all so personally that he had rejected ME because the new woman was superior in every way. I didn't know yet that it's just business with them and a pattern with how they treat EVERY woman.
So even though we now KNOW what they are, unfortunately our FEELINGS don't change as quickly as our knowledge. And on top of the love we had for them while we were still involved, the final D&D caused further traumatic injury that we now have to recover from, ON TOP of the love, hope and dreams that we now have to let go of.
I see your family of kittens has grown, I know I know we cant just shut off feelings of love like we do a faucet, or when we get rid of something that doesnt work anymore, like THEY DO. I hate to say this I know if a man entered my life that was REAL and Healthy I would not give the freak a second thought, so maybe it the lack of having someone in our lives that are right for us, and love us how we love them. Really if you were with someone this very minute who was perfect for you would you be having thoughts of that sick disordered person? maybe I would but only when I took out the trash or changed the cat litter.
Yes, I changed my picture to 3 kittens to symbolize the triangulation the N/P does with the women in his life. I did it after Michele posted the article about triangulation the other night, which was really excellent and needs to be bumped up I think.
And it's true, If I were with someone perfect for me right now, I would not think of him at all except as a bad memory.
Truth be told, I'm already moving on. Okay minus a bullet to the brain, maybe I could just castrate or Bobbitize him? Just having some fun there. He's as intact as he can be right now.
Lately, I've been finding that my ex narc is quite unpopular (or popular depending on how you want to see it) He has quite a following and is the subject of other sites discussing what a messed up ahole he is. Now that's fun! People want to see the bastard go down and never get up! They know what a turd he is.
Used
smitten
I hear you Smitten Kitten
SMITTEN KITTEN
We were romantically involved
SMITTEN KITTEN
Used
Smitten Kitten
I could move on more easily
Believe in yourself!
Terri
OOOHHH! Would Love This!
To know he fell off his boat
Happy
sara-smile
NLB
SAME OLD SAME OLD
When I saw the title of this
Wouldn't that be nice...
I posted
NLB
Hey smitten KITTENS
3 Kittens
I got caught up in the fantasy for a minute