Mine did that too. Couldn't believe the things he would tell me! This is another reason you and I thought we had the same guy at one point. LOL! After the big D&D at the end, I told him "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And he said, "But you still love me." And I couldn't deny it. I just kept repeating "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me" and he kept repeating, happily I might add, "And you still love me."
Sounds like the three of us have something else besides an ex-N in common. My ex-N use to come clean with EVERYTHING! I'm talking about every last detail about OW, what he'd do to them, he'd send me pictures, tell me what he said to them...you name it. It was awful! This of course was all during the (just friends phase...which we tried AFTER being together). It was during this time that I saw the REAL him and was repulsed.
By like the both of you, I think he felt good about the idea of someone knowing EVERYTHING about him and still accepting him. For me, the final straw was him screwing a 19 year old girl. She was REALLY immature for her age too...she was more like 15. The ex-N is almost 40. It made me sick to my stomach because he openly admitted he was just using her and that it was a perfect out since she was flying back home within several weeks. He even had his speech lined up for her and left the door open if she ever comes back in town. It's truly disgusting.
I called him out on it and actually said, "Okay, she's 19 and is very young and green...what the hell is YOUR excuse for being with someone that young." He actually had the audacity (sp?) to say that she's like stock...she might actually be worth more after a few years and that he liked the way she looked on his arm...liked the way other guys looked envious. Ugh! Gag me! Totally douche bag! haha.
TovaBella
p.s. I guess supply is supply...for the most part.
It's not about real love as WE know it. It's about adoration, admiration, idealization on OUR part of THEM. When they spend so much of their lives having to wear the mask fooling everyone in order to obtain these things and have people accept them, what greater reward for them deep down, than when they can truly be themselves and we STILL love them anyway. Still give to them and stay with them in spite of their dark, evil nature and how they mistreat us. Isn't that the definition of unconditional love which they have never received and don't have the ability to feel but desperately crave? Isn't that also the definition of a mother's love that no matter what you do, she will always love you in spite of what you do and who you are?
At some level, they know the "man" we love is not them at all, but the illusion they created. They KNOW that we don't really know them, their true nature, the monster behind the mask, so they feel our love for them is as fake as they are because it's based on a lie. They live in constant fear of being discovered for who they really are and being abandoned because of it. At the same time, they are always looking for validation in one form or another. So they test. If she REALLY loves the "real me" (not the facade I've been presenting her with) will she accept my lies? Will she still be around when I'm raging at her for no reason that even I don't understand? Will she love me enough to overlook my laziness, my insensitivity, my need for other women's attention because I still don't believe her? Will she tolerate my mood swings, cold shoulder and silent treatment? Because I don't believe she really loves "ME" no matter what she says or does, will she overlook me screwing her best friend, her sister, the neighbor, as many women as I want? Will she still support me and pay for everything in spite of how I've treated her? Because this is the real me. How could she love a monster like me? If she can put up with all that, then she is a real keeper for supply. But damn, now she's lost all her appeal because WHO in their right mind would put up with that? There must be something incredibly wrong with her to tolerate that kind of treatment from me, so she's obviously not worthy of the incredible me!
My gosh Smitten Kitten, your post is amazing! Because it's so true. It is a lose lose situation with these N's...that's EXACTLY how they think. It is just like that phrase...I believe it's is something Lisa has posted up. It's is something about "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." They want their cake and eat it too!
TovaBella
Worded perfectly, sick but you hit the nail on the head!
yes, I did see the real him and he wanted me to love him unconditionally because he said he loved me unconditionally (well I'm not disordered and I'm worthy of REAL love, he is not!!).
Yes, FFI
Hi, Finally Faced It and Smitten Kitten
In addition
I was good supply because I
Why the testing if they are
HopeAgain
Smitten Kitten...brilliant!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Thank You!
^ this.
Worded perfectly SK
Thank you FFI and Lisa 87!