Let's play another round of "stupid things my Narc said"

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August 8, 2011 - 3:41pm (Reply to #184)
borderline
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lmao

perfect response
August 5, 2011 - 7:16am
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

I don't want you but i don't

I don't want you but i don't want anyone else to have you.
August 8, 2011 - 5:13pm (Reply to #182)
onwithmylife
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Puzzle

so true, just like my narc, acted so jealous and suspicious and yet dumped me and wondered why i met a guy for coffee when we reunited, DUH
August 5, 2011 - 7:09am
Pearl
Pearl's picture

Ex-Hubby Flashback

Ok this one's even better than the other one I posted... "I don't want to see anyone and get counselling because they will only tell me it's all my fault!" His parents heard him say it too. Gold.
August 8, 2011 - 12:08pm (Reply to #180)
BAW
BAW's picture

Ha!

Mine said something very similar: "Therapy didn't work - all they did was try to convince me that I had a bad childhood." (he did)
August 5, 2011 - 7:06am
Pearl
Pearl's picture

drug-induced honesty...

"I like you better when you're stoned. You don't talk as much"
August 5, 2011 - 7:07am (Reply to #178)
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

HAHAHA Pearl mine said this

HAHAHA Pearl mine said this to me too. He was a complete pot head.
August 5, 2011 - 7:04am
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

ooooh I have a few more nutty things to add

Here are a few entertaining things my Narc said that I have remembered recently. We travelled to spain together and I speak a little Spanish. Him "You would have been lost in Spain without me, I navigated our way everywhere." I remember being furious. " I am the one who can speak some of the language, I am the one who asked for directions when no one spoke English....correction you would have been lost without my language skills dickhead." Recently he told a mutual colleague he is "taking care of numero uno." Like he ever took care of me or needed to...and like he never puts himself first...I had to laugh. He begged me back once after I found out a few years prior he had been on internet dating without my knowledge, then said.... "I can't make any promises" when I questioned how serious he was about me. I overheard him bitching about me to his friend saying "I wish she would just get a fucking job already." I had finished my degree 1 month earlier and it was school holidays hence no work. When confronted he said "I never said that you're crazy, you're loosing your mind." He actually made me believe it too.
August 5, 2011 - 6:40am
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Stupid Narc

I have been remembering a lot of different things the Narc said to me since I started therapy. It's almost like I blocked so much out of my head and now it's all coming back but not in a painful way. It's humerous but really embarrassing. Gosh I feel so stupid sometimes that I didn't see that big red sign flashing in front of my face for so long! We were fighting one day (about something stupid I'm sure) and he said, "I made you the woman you are today"!! I didn't think anything about it then but looking back now I'm guessing he thought that was a good thing?? He didn't make me anything but CRAZY! I wish I had said that to him! "Yes Narc you have made me the woman I am today! I complete lunatic who will need years of therapy to recover from your abuse!" What an idiot!
August 10, 2011 - 5:34pm (Reply to #175)
pilker
pilker's picture

Their role as The Creator

This reminded me of my ex-N bragging to his friends "I took ten years off that woman." Come to think of it, he kind of did. And I want them back!
August 8, 2011 - 12:48pm (Reply to #174)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Sara, this reminded me of

Sara, this reminded me of another (of the many) stupid things xnh said to me. We were fighting, and he shrieked at me, "You're acting like SUCH a typical woman!!" I just looked at him and said, "Duh!!!". What did he think I was supposed to act like? A donkey? I AM a woman. rofl. Xnh is a true misogynistic moron.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

August 4, 2011 - 1:44pm
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

"I was born to make love to

"I was born to make love to you" one of the many hooks he got into my skin.
August 3, 2011 - 8:05pm
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"I will stop you from reading 'War and Peace'"

Ahhh, how Ns/Ps love CONTROL. The ex-Psych prof idolizes "War and Peace." he was AFRAID that I'd get my hands on it, in his words "taint it with my interest." He went so far as to keep my senior class from reading "War and Peace"... so we read "Anna Karenina" instead. The threat he made my freshman year kinda came true my senior year. But I did point out some problems- 1)I could read it in the bookstore 2)I could read it in the library He expected me to be upset&angry that I wasn't assigned "War and Peace." Instead, I told him the battle scenes were BORING. Yeah, he got the reaction he wanted. NOT.
August 3, 2011 - 11:27am
BAW
BAW's picture

My latest favorites

The last couple things he said to me after our final divorce papers were signed: 1. "WHEN I break up with OW can we be friends?" (I told him not to do anything on my account while trying not to laugh) 2. "I wanted to say a bunch of stuff to you about all the years we spent together and everything you've done for me, but i summed it all up. Thank you for holding my glasses for me while I was on stage (singing or acting)." Great - you have thanked me for being a pocket. Yay.
August 3, 2011 - 11:33am (Reply to #168)
Used
Used's picture

HAHA

MYEXNH SAID THANKYOU FOR GIVING ME CONFIDENCE AND THE ABILTY TO BE ALONE.....HE THEN TOOK THIS NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE AND MOVED IN WITH A WOMEN SO AS NOT TO BE ALONE.HE ALWAYS WAS AN IDIOT.LOL
August 4, 2011 - 2:08pm (Reply to #169)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

What an idiot! He sounds as

What an idiot! He sounds as pathetic as xnh. Xnh was paranoid about being alone. I'm kind of a loner type person, and I'm quite happy with my own company. He drove me crazy about always "needing" someone around him. Seriously, he got upset because I refused to sit in the bathroom and talk to him when he took a crap. Like I told him, "I refuse to do that. You're on your own. Pooping is a 'solo sport'." Being with xnh while his toxic fumes burned the spackle off the bathroom ceiling was NOT what I'd call "quality time". rofl. Personally, I thought he really needed to practice being alone more often because he couldn't even manage sit on the toilet without company like a toddler. Xnh told me, right after he dumped me, that he really needed some time to be "alone" so that he could run his own life (like I was just SUCH a tyrant to him - lol). The actual truth was that he was cheating, and he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants. Therefore having a wife was a problem when it came to his screwing OW. After xnh moved out, he promptly moved into a house with his two adult daughters, a newborn baby, and a dog (my condolences to the dog). Now, he spends every weekend going out of state to be with his mommy and OW (without taking the two daughters, newborn baby, or the dog). I presume he's doing just like he did with me...running away from his home problems concerning his hideous P daughter, and his self-induced financial woes. Anyway you look at it, xnh is NOT spending time alone. He never has, and he never will. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

September 29, 2013 - 7:20am (Reply to #170)
lmustang89
lmustang89's picture

ex n comments

August 3, 2011 - 6:21am
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"I want to be a philosopher when I grow up"

The ex-Psych prof said that at 32. Don't worry, he hasn't accomplished anything significant, in comparison to Colin Firth, who's 3 years his senior (and now an Oscar winner) I'm not counting on the ex-P growing up any time soon. *contemplates sending Tyler Florence organic baby food*
August 2, 2011 - 7:47pm
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

"Narc says the darnest

"Narc says the darnest things" that was me lol I like the idea of a sequel part 2 lol

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

August 2, 2011 - 4:20pm
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I say

lock them up in an elevator going up and going down and forced to listen to the garbage coming out of their mouths!!
August 2, 2011 - 8:53am
Smarter-thanthis
Smarter-thanthis's picture

In regards to his second

In regards to his second failed marriage.......... " she never", Which I used to think maybe that was her real name........it was Miranda And ..........." she only wanted a trophy husband " HUH?
August 2, 2011 - 8:54am (Reply to #162)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

haaaa

And ended up with the boobie prize.
August 2, 2011 - 8:57am (Reply to #163)
Smarter-thanthis
Smarter-thanthis's picture

Lol.

Lol.
August 2, 2011 - 5:09am
dolphingirl
dolphingirl's picture

narc illusions

I almost forgot one of my all time favorites, keep in mind he has work in banking and finance all of his life drum roll..... "You should do what I say, I am an expert in relationships"
August 2, 2011 - 8:29am (Reply to #160)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Haaaaaaaa!

OMG! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa! That is great! I needed that laugh today!
August 1, 2011 - 11:51pm
KRISTINA
KRISTINA's picture

The funniest

I'll share the funniest things he ever said to me. He works in Emirates, and he asked me to move out from my country to stay with him in Emirates. He said: "come here, find any job and live with me. Don't worry, we just gonna live together, i will never ever marry you" ROTFL when he said that, does he think I am that idiot? :D :D
August 1, 2011 - 8:08pm
landed
landed's picture

i love this topic

it is so enlightening to read what they have said...takes away from my "i must be crazy" factor to know that others have heard this stuff too... One of my favorites is this: He was always boasting about how he "made" his wife. Everything she is (and she is a very successful businesswoman earning 6 figures) is because HE MADE HER. He had her teeth straightened, he sent her to school, he supported her in everything, he makes sure she has all the tools she needs to be successful in business. When he first told me this story, it was early on in our relationship, I remember choking back a laugh...he said... " I am her Dr. Doolittle" HER WHAT? I believe he was trying to say that she was Eliza Doolittle to his Henry Higgins, as in the play My Fair Lady... but no... "I am her Dr. Doolittle" And truthfully, that is probably more accurate. Go talk to the animals, you FREAK.
August 2, 2011 - 7:24am (Reply to #157)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

Thanks for the giggle. What

Thanks for the giggle. What an ass...
August 2, 2011 - 5:10am (Reply to #156)
dolphingirl
dolphingirl's picture

priceless

that is really funny, thanks for the laugh
August 1, 2011 - 12:04pm
SailorChik
SailorChik's picture

More

One night: "It's beyond infatuation now. It's getting deeper than that..." Then: "I more than like you. Why do you think I bothered to visit you??" A few weeks later: "We have the POTENTIAL for chemistry." When I broke up with him, he said, "But I was getting ready to make a commitment!" In later conversations, he kept saying, "I'd like to see you," and "I'd like to come down for a visit." Then he told me to get the plane ticket to fly up to see him...I did...and the next day, he whined: "What is your motivation in this? Do you expect me to just forgive you? It's going to be a platonic visit if you come up. I don't think you should come up." Stuck me with an 800 dollar non-refundable ticket to Maine. What a nasty, obnoxious lunatic. I'm glad I was the dumper, and not the dumpee. And the craziness of it all. This was a guy who admitted to abusing other women, and of course it was all their fault. So how long before he would hit me? The verbal abuse was enough.
August 1, 2011 - 7:01pm (Reply to #153)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Sailorchick

to me one of the biggest of the red flags, is how they always blame all the women, ex-wives, ex girlfriends, then before you know it , it is YOU they cut down, they never ever take any responsibility for their words, actions, behavior, never.
August 2, 2011 - 8:55am (Reply to #154)
Smarter-thanthis
Smarter-thanthis's picture

AMEN !

AMEN !
July 31, 2011 - 3:50pm
dolphingirl
dolphingirl's picture

alternative reality

There are so many... "Remember that time you threw a clam at the waitress and I had to calmly remove you from the resturant" I don't have a clue as to what he was talking about. or on Easter "I am leaving work early to get my daughter (age 21) the kind of jelly beans she loves, I left work yesterday early but could'nt find them. Are you going to give me something for Easter. It will hurt my feelings if you don't. I want only dark chocolate, good wine..etc" I go to his house with the basket I got for him. He inspects it. When I hint if he got anything for me. He says "I didn't even think of it" then on Valentines Day "I can't do anything tonight, I have to feed my dog and he gets lonely"
July 30, 2011 - 10:57pm
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

stupid things round two

"There are plenty of men out there." said to me when we were driving around town. "I'm married but I'm not a fanatic about it." "I will only have my daughters 17% of the time." said during divorce hearing. "I am keeping a file on you and I will give it to our ----- when she turns 18" "The kids were not available so I took the dog" said when he was late for visitation pick up and came to the house. "I'm going to own this town"
July 30, 2011 - 11:07pm (Reply to #150)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

This stuff is comical. Are

This stuff is comical. Are we positive these guys are sociopaths? Maybe they are just on drugs. Priceless!
July 30, 2011 - 10:26pm
Reddley
Reddley's picture

I just remembered... Before

I just remembered... Before he went on vacation he was whining to me... "Why does everyone pick on me?" I said "Have I picked on you?" He says "No" I said "Then don't say everyone." I got a scowly look like a little kid that just got scolded. I said "Don't look at me like that." and he stopped with the look and left. What a goober. Yeah people pick on him at work... cuz he's a total shit disturbing dick. It's their only form of recourse. What does he expect? If you poke at an animal long enough, it's going to rip your head off. People aren't much different.
July 29, 2011 - 4:32pm
SailorChik
SailorChik's picture

And the scary stuff:

Early in the relationship, he hinted at the following but gave me more details during a road trip we took. I left him not long after that. He said, "I was arrested for domestic assault in 2008 after my wife and her daughter (his stepdaughter, about 20) pushed and shoved me around when I asked them to keep down the noise in the house. I don't know why I hit my stepdaughter, but I had bruises and the cop would not listen to my side of the story." Turned out that he had a "cold" and was holed up in the guest bedroom and came down not to ask politely for some quiet, but to start a ruckus because he did not want to go to a family gathering. When his young son said he did not want to go either, N-Dad sided with the son against Mom and the fight escalated. The stepdaughter got involved. He hit his stepdaughter in the jaw and then when the wife took their son away in the family car, he smashed the windshield with a piece of wood- What's odd is that at the time, I was willing to accept this account as a one-time anomaly of a man in a loveless marriage (which is how he portrayed it). The rationalizations we make to support our abusive mates! Then, another time, he described a live-in girlfriend he had as an "alcoholic who lunged at me once, and hit her head on a door frame. I called her parents to come and get her. We got back together another time, but when she talked about getting married, I said I can't marry YOU." Why she lunged at him remains a mystery, but I can't imagine he was just sitting there like an innocent waif, watching TV when this happened. It takes two to fight. Another time: "All of the women in my past have told me I'm mean." Well, K, add me to the list. You're mean- and worse.
July 29, 2011 - 2:57pm
Erali
Erali's picture

One of my faves:

"I could have been famous, but I decided not to be."
August 4, 2011 - 1:52pm (Reply to #146)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

this is some seriously funny

this is some seriously funny shit this, Ive got hiccups from laughing!
July 29, 2011 - 6:00pm (Reply to #144)
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

strange words from narcy

He said this to me about a year ago: "My friend used to tell me that i could have any woman i wanted...and i chose you." This is after i stood by him through his many drug relapses,including a month of him being in jail. Here is the one i can never forget: "Maybe some day we'll just be really good friends." How about this one: "I dont feel good enough about myself to be intimate with you." Him to our counselor: "I almost feel kindof guilty for all the things ive put her through,you know?" almost?
July 29, 2011 - 6:10pm (Reply to #145)
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

just remembered something else

Christmas---i never saw him. He went out on a relapse and didnt answer my texts or calls.Infact, we were suppose to meet the day before.Didnt show up until he wanted $40 that i was holding for him (long story). Then disappeared. All day Christmas i was worried sick. Then when im ready to go to bed,he calls and leaves a messege on my phone: "Hi, its me. I just crawled in bed to go to sleep,and then i realized (chuckle)...im hungry. So im making my way over to your house to get something to eat."
July 29, 2011 - 1:23pm
Reddley
Reddley's picture

Just wow these guys are stellar

Toilet paper thieves... Pantie hats? Such romantics with grand birthday ideas of taco bell and cumming on someone's tits... And I thought mine was an idiot for sharing his shit stories with everyone at work. Wakes up one morning still half drunk (shocker). Gets in the shower, needs to fart. Poops out marbles that are heading for the drain and while he's thinking what to do about the poop in the tub.... the poop plugs the drain. GENIUS! Another time he crapped his pants on the way home from work. He thought he might have to go before he left work and the urge passed so he heads home. It's several km away and about half way home he gets the urge again. He's thinking to himself damn it's day light I can't just crap in the bushes so he says he starts running. Needless to say the moral of his story is, don't run if you need to take a shit. One day he's standing in his kitchen naked cooking breakfast... hung over as hell... thinks he has to fart and shits himself. It's liquid so it's running down his leg and the cat happened to be there rubbing against his leg at the time. So the cat gets shit on him too. He doesn't notice that part. He heads to the bathroom to finish taking his dump and clean up and as he's sitting on the toilet the cat starts rubbing up against his clean leg therefore putting shit onto said clean leg. Last and best poop story. He hurt his back and I took him to the hospital. Dr gives him an opiate for the pain. Says right on the freaking bottle DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. Does he read it? Nope. I get a frantic call just as I'm waking up for work... "Babe I need you to go to the pharmacy and get me suppositories or an enema or something and some exlax". I'm like "Uhh what the hell is going on?" He tells me "I'm seriously constipated. My shit is like a brick. I'm in agony here. I've been laying on the floor naked for the last 2 hours wishing I would just die or shit all over the place, I don't care. I crawled to the phone I'm in such agony." I tell him I'm leaving immediately. I rush out the door, no shower, looking like a train wreck. Grab an enema, exlax and latex gloves. He asks what the gloves are for. I say "In case you have to dig" and I'm laughing my ass off at this point. He says quite seriously "I already did that with my bare hand. And that fucking cat thought I was playing the whole time I was on the floor. He was hunch backed and hissing at me while I'm laying here in the fetal position". Good God why did you tell me this. I didn't know whether to walk out or laugh harder. So he retells this story and makes me look bad by telling everyone that I stopped for coffee on the way there while he was laying on the floor dying. Best part of these stories? He tells everyone at work AFTER I start sleeping with him. Great... just fucking great. People are thinking I'm sleeping with someone who needs a lifetime supply of Depends. AND! He insists I'll be with him to change his diapers for him when he's old. God help me...
June 9, 2014 - 10:37pm (Reply to #142)
Heart lost in CO
Heart lost in CO's picture

OMG

September 25, 2013 - 6:25pm (Reply to #141)
Narcphobia
Narcphobia's picture

Reddley

July 30, 2011 - 12:40am (Reply to #140)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Ok I almost just crapped my

Ok I almost just crapped my pants reading this story. It is so disgusting and so funny I was crying just now I was laughing so hard. Look at all the funny, smart women on these boards.
July 29, 2011 - 5:36pm (Reply to #138)
tresor2
tresor2's picture

Organs Giving Out

Sounds like his organs are giving out due to his drug/alcohol addiction. Sounds pretty serious to me.
July 29, 2011 - 5:43pm (Reply to #139)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

He's actually very healthy

He's actually very healthy except for his stress induced GERD. He just gets the shits from drinking really shitty cheap homemade beer. Yes surprise... he's cheap. And no I won't be there to put penaten cream on his diaper rashed balls when he's elderly.
July 29, 2011 - 5:21pm (Reply to #137)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Reddley

I have had the worst damn day and this has made it better!! That is freaking hilarious!!!! Thank you for posting!
July 29, 2011 - 4:57pm (Reply to #136)
deecbee
deecbee's picture

OMG!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!
July 29, 2011 - 1:45pm (Reply to #134)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

LMAO! You truly got stuck

LMAO! You truly got stuck with a "shitty" narc. Yes, I know that's a CRAPPY joke. lol. God help us all for getting stuck with these losers. Hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.