Sex and the NP

I'm convinced that the sex they like best is the one they have with themselves. It's just nice to have a female body to get off on for stimulation. My ex loved doing it infront of a huge mirror and would glance at his beloved body adoringly. Just HIS body though mine is far prettier, LOL. It amused me so that in order not to spoil the mood I'd glance downwards. There'd be his big toe sticking out of the old chequered grandfather slippers. Isn't that sexy?

The exN was ALWAYS commenting on anal sex - always bringing it into the conversation as a joke and not something he seriously wanted. It was not an option for me at all. I have heard too many stories about how painful it is and had NO desire to experiment with that. Generally our sex life was really great. He would always comment afterward about how intense it was and that he had never had that level of intensity with any other woman. Now, after knowing what I know about narcs, I'm sure that was all a lie. I was married for twelve years before the narc relationship and my exH never requested anal. Is this something that most men want or is it weirdly common with narcs?

These guys don't care about what you want...it's all about fulfilling their kinky sexual desires. BTW...if you show interest in what they want, it doesn't make it nearly as fun for them. They want to feel as though they are pushing your boundaries.

First let me say, I am not a "prude." I am experimental in the bedroom....as long as there is respect, love and balance between "intimate" love making and the "kinky" stuff. One of the MANY things that killed my "relationship" with my xN is that there was no BALANCE. He wanted kinky but did not (would not/could not?) truly "make love" to me. I don't think he was able to keep an erection during "normal" love making. Anyway, he tried anal on my first. CLAIMED he had done it in the past and with his ex-wife. He was brutal. Had no idea how to "prepare" a woman for something like that. The first couple of times hurt. I did some research and told him we have to take our time and try different positions and go SLOW. He no longer wanted to even do it under those circumstances. (I believe now that he WANTED to hurt me in some way.) Then he asked for anal. We went out and bought him a strap on. (Okay, ladies, I know...TMI...but we are about honesty here, right?) He loved it, and loved being dominated. I thought that if I gave him what he wanted in this area he would eventually want to make love to me, be truly intimate. That never came to be. It stayed at the kinky stuff. I started making noise about intimacy and wanting to be made love to. I know realize, looking back, that he couldn't keep an erection with "normal" sex...only with the porn/kinky stuff and when he was pleasing himself. Then the D&D started. I left him and blocked him as soon as I realized what he was doing. I didn't even stick around for the final D&D. He has major Madonna-Whore Complex. I refused to be his whore. He begged me to remain his "most trusted friend." He said he had to talk with me about everything and run everything by me in his lie. I told him no way....UNLESS he were gay. If he were gay, I told him, we could be BFF. He denied this. But...I am not sure I believe him. He used to say to me, "You know what I am and still accept me." I started to think "gay." But he denies it. Bottom line (no pun intended)...if it is done right and in a loving environment, I had no problem with anal. But when the guy intentionally allows he girl to be hurt and in pain....that is just plain SICK.

My exN had a kinky side too, and he would talk about his "fantasies/desires." I too had this need to please him that I never had before so strongly. Looking back I did feel vulnerable, not completely comfortable. I didn't trust him completely. Our sex life initially was very good, playful mixed with sweet/romantic. As time went on, I felt that he did not want to please me as much. I know I did not feel comfortable, because when I looked back, I held back in a way I never had with other relationships where I felt equal and respected. This was in my giving oral sex to him. I did, but not often and not very long. When he d&d'd me he attacked me by comparing me to his past encounters and criticized me on this. Ouch, that hurt. Though, he was talking aloud, and saying he could tell I knew "how" because of what I did do. He was right because like I said I did in the past and had many compliments. My exN was critical and the way he talked, I just didn't feel comfortable. That makes me sad for some reason. In the end, it was mechanical and more that he used me. He had started his d&d, and would break up with me repeatedly. He began to say degrading sexual remarks and with hold sexually. It still haunts me. I'm sorry you had this happen. It sounds like your h is supportive and that is good. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to have sex again after being so violated.

gracious me Dabussard thats horrendous! I call that rape and physical abuse. i would open a case especially dince you have bowel problems that can be proved.

Sweet great manly yet gentle lover and never man handled me - always attracted to me, never ever impotent. I felt very loved and respected during sex - and no where else. He was cold and distant otherwise, except on dates (I guess public image kicked in). Often, when we hung out at his house I felt like a nuissance because he would be irritable with me like a big brother with his little sis hanging around pestering him - not a good feeling. Sorry for the weird sex stuff you suffered through. I did feel safe in this realm. This sounds weird but he was too uncommitted to ever ask anything weird of me, too passive - that would make him responsible for something! We made love more like sweet teenagers do, lots of kissing even after 10 years - he really did not have any mean or violent tendencies...just screwed up N. One time, early on many years ago, he hurt me by mistake - he felt really terrible about it and could not even talk about it. it was a clue to who he was that I missed. he could NOT handle doing anything that would appear to make him a bad guy...so I guess this is why he cannot face me today...sorry we all have to go through this stuff. I am really thankful that I did not have a bad sexual experience but I am so traumatized emotionally that I cannot think about having sex for a long time

My Ex narc was the most normal man when it came to sex, very loving and kind, never hurt me at all,mine did not have that problem in terns of having to be in control to get an erection, but he is older and due to medication finally wound up with ED problems so we pleased each other in other ways. Near the end of the relationship, he kept mentioning anal sex and he put his fingers in my ass,sorry for being too graphic, which did not hurt, but I did not tell him I did not want anal sex.Since he had ED problems, he could not do it anyway, so we never got to that point, and he ran away after that anyway.

My N had a hard time reaching climix. Sex would go on for hours... We would both be exhausted. He would always complain of being sore the next day and we needed to try something else... The something else was anal sex.. I tried it with him twice... I could not take the pain, it hurt so bad... The first time we tried it... He just keep going and I was screaming in pain... Finally, he did stop.. He crawled off the bed and went into the bathroom... Then he went into the living room and sat in his chair. I was in so much pain that it took me like 15 minutes to get my clothes on and get off the bed. I went and tried to talk to him, he was in a fit of rage and would not talk. He just kept saying you need to leave, get out of my house!!! I bled for the rest of the day and I was in so much pain I could hardly sit down for about a week... My bowels have never been normal since... Talk about twisted!!! Wow...