Feeling scared. Narc keeps threatening to kick me out on the streets.
Feeling scared. Narc keeps threatening to kick me out on the streets.
I am sitting here calm but dumbfounded.
I now think (but don't yet totally 100 believe) that the man I have loved with all my heart is a Narcissist.
Albeit one who can act nice, sweet and kind 90% of the time.
Synopsis until this point:
Dated for year and a half . I lived two hours away.
He kept asking me to move closer to him.
(not move in, but move closer)
So I finally I made all my prepping to move and he was aware of this.
I was busy getting ready to move and didn't see him for a couple weeks.
Then after a very innocuous email exchange asking how he was and him replying he was fine and relaxing I didn't hear from him one weekend. This turned into 6 weeks of hell where I didn't know why he stopped all contact.
I had already signed up for a place to move near his city, so I moved while in total torture wondering what was going on.
My brain couldn't imagine him being so cruel to dumb me and never speak to me again.
I was so depressed that I barely got any work doen for 6 weeks and start to run low on money.
I also pathetically kept contacting him every week or so.
Since he had a lot of my things at his house I felt doubly upset.
Finally he cooly returned my call and set time to at least give me a few things of mine.
He acted solemn when we met and my heart leapt.
One thing led to another and at my suggestion we grapped wine and ate pizza together.
Then I invited him to a movie a couple days later.
Somehow things just fell back together and we started hanging out again. By start of January we were dating again.
Yet I still didn't bring up the scary demon pink elephant in the room.
WHY did he go cold on me for 6 weeks ? When he knew I was moving ?
Next up I had a calamity with the room share I moved into.
The city I moved to is one of the most $$$ in the country.
So I couldn't afford something too expensive.
Long story short but I ended up with a landlord who turned out to be insane and had no license to rent the house and who had illegal wiring that couldve caught fire according to the housing inspectors i spoke to.
So my boyfriend relented and said I could stay with him temporarily and also bring along my two pets.
This meant a lot to me and I felt like him ignoring me wasn't so painful now......
I spent a month going to look at other places to rent but coudln't find anything.
He then informed me that he was thinking of moving into a condo and renting out his house so he could be a lot closer to his job and not commute so far and long.
We then came up with a plan that he could rent his house to me and I could get a couple roommates to subsidize costs.
Well since then he hasn't found a new place yet, but keeps looking at condos he wants to buy.
I stopped looking for a new place because this seemed like a good situation.
But now over the last 6 weeks he has turned into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
One day he acts fun and we have good times and then he will act snide and vicious towards me.
Usually its first thing in the morning or before bedtime.
which unnerves me when Im trying to get work done or makes me have insomnia and cry.
a few things:
- he has told me that he can't believe im still living here (uhh he told me he would be moving out and i could rent this from him)
- Has said he things daily about what would happen if he just told me to move out now.
- he 'jokingly' calls me "crazy"
- he is constantly picking on my weight (i am slightly curvy but on a diet)
- he comments on how hot other women on tv are.
On top of having my living arrangement fall through and moving in with him, I got a virus from Russia on my pc that no malware program could fix last month. I lost a ton of work and was set back a month. I have a problem where I freak out and get paralyzed with fright when I don't have money coming in (i work for myself doing when web development)and
can't seem to concentrate.
And feeling pressure from him to give him money is also stressing me out.
I feel liek such a LOSER because I spent my 20s making money and being so responsible. Never ever depended on a man. I owned a house, put 100k into it, but was wiped out when the housing market went south.
So living with him is made worse by the fact that I feel like a misfit without enough money coming in.
I've have contributed a little bit money to help him since living here putting money towards electric, cable, food. over last two months I've given him around 1400 dollars in cash and paying with things on my debit, but for the last two weeks Ive been running low.
I gave him 100 dollars over the weekend and last week I gave him 200.
But last night he just asked me where money is for this month.
He is a lawyer with very little debt I should add. So he is pressuring me not out of dire need but for some other reason.
Now today was the worst.
I work for myself and can work from anywhere that has a laptop connection.
He asked me what I'm doing today.
I told him all the stuff I need to take care of ...
I then shared with him that I feel a lot of pressure to make money fast and that I will be a lot happier when I have money coming in again.
He then replied he wonders what I would be doing to 'survive' if he just kicked me out of the house.
I feel very on edge and like he doesn't care at all.
I have been reading up on NPD and am afraid he fits the bill.
If he really is a Narcissist should I be scared he will try and kick me and my pets/ belongings out on the street ?
I guess in the meantime I should do whatever I can to bring in money so I can have the freedom to leave.
The problem is is that he wants money for me to stay here.
He is 36 btw and Im 33.
I'm the OP
You need to get out of this...
thunderbolt
I am letting it sink in that
thunderbolt
thunderbolt
OMG, Thunderbolt, I felt the
thanks!
thunderbolt, dearheart,
spinning
cognitive dissonance and PTSD
Thunderbolt
Thanks for your advice.