Narcissist Boss at Work

9 posts / 0 new

#1 May 1 - 5AM

carol24

Narcissist Boss at Work

In addition to being romantically involved with a narcissist I have also worked closely with one (my boss - unfortunately) for 10 years, a total bully character. He has just gone off sick with depression (again) because his boss criticised him and he couldn't take it. He flew into a rage, stormed out and has now beeen off sick for one year. He is now trying to take the employer to an industrial tribunal (he has absolutely no chance of winning and is simply making himself look ridiculous). He used to have a clique of "friends" (or should I say followers) at work but even they are tiring of his childish outbursts now. It used to be difficult for me to make people believe that he bullied me because he turned on the charm with other people, but they are starting to see it now.

I believe that it does catch up with them in the end. They all end up as losers and failures one way or another and from what I've read on the subject, deep down, they know all along that they are inadequate people. It's a miserable existence and certainly not one to aspire to.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with a narcissist bully boss?

#2 May 3 - 9AM

jen79

I was

in a workplace for six years, and the boss was a psychopathic bully. I can only suggest to everyone, its not worth it, dont stay for the money, get out asap! This will affect your health, if you want it or not. Though we are taught, we have to fight and stay, doing our duty, cause 90 % of bosses are narc, still I would recommend to everyone, get out.

#3 May 1 - 6PM

Lisa E. Scott

The Bully at Work!

Oh Carol - you have just touched on something very near and dear to my heart. Because of the bully bosses I have had in the past, I am absolutely dedicated to building awareness on this topic. I was recently certified as a spokesperson for the WBI - The Workplace Bullying Institute - and plan to do a lot with this organization. One initiative in place is to pass legislation protecting employees who are bullied at work. It's up for consideration in 20 states now, which is exciting progress, but we need to do more. In fact, I am going to add a forum and a blog to this site very soon, which talks about Workplace Narcissism. These narcissists, tyrants, dictators, bullies and psychopaths must be stopped! Carol is right: "It does catch up with them in the end. They all end up as losers and failures one way or another and from what I've read on the subject, deep down, they know all along that they are inadequate people. It's a miserable existence and certainly not one to aspire to." but in the meantime, the number of victims suffering because of these bullies cannot be ignored! It is wrong and something we must not tolerate a moment longer. If anyone is interested in helping me build awareness on this topic, please e-mail me off-line about becoming the forum moderator/blogger for Bullying at Work. I start my new HR job tomorrow and will begin working 60 hour work weeks again. Good news is that I will have money to invest in this cause. Bad news is that I won't be able to be on the forum as much. Therefore, I'm going to be relying very heavily on the moderators here and can use additional help, if interested. Thanks!

#4 May 1 - 2PM

Susan32

Former Narc boss

I had a Narc boss for 5 years. He'd scream obscenities for NO REASON. Once, I accidentally put a bottle of honey atop a counter without wiping its bottom, and he screamed&demeaned me. He enjoyed threatening new employees with firing. Unlike the ex-Psych prof, cussing was his first language. The ex-P would be cruel, but he'd be as prim&proper as Colin Firth in a costume drama. The ex-P ENJOYED making his employees' jobs difficult. If he made them harder, he wouldn't step in to help. I felt bad for his older boyfriend... he was seeing a man old enough to be his father.

#5 May 1 - 2PM

narcissizednomore

Yes, I've had a few narc

Yes, I've had a few narc bosses. One used to have these childish displays and rants where he would hide behind the counter of the pharmacy and say every swear word he knew under his breath whenever a customer showed up to pick up a prescription that wasn't ready. I suspect he couldn't handle that as manager, he was running a gong show and felt so inadequate. Really bizarre behaviour that left me at a loss for words and of course, walking on eggshells too. Just horrible!!

narcissizednomore

#6 May 1 - 8PM (Reply to #2)

ValiditySeeker

Bitch boss

Had a female boss: very petite pretty blonde, blue eyes with dimples. Looked angelic. Haha! My first impression of her was that she was impersonal and maybe "off" but I figured I could still work for her. Oh, jeez, was I mistaken! She had told me during the interview that she had had some really terrible and unprofessional employees in the past and that it was so hard to find good employees. It surprised me because you must have a master's degree to work in our field and it would be weird to find a huge number of people who worked so hard to get their careers who were "unprofessional." I certainly hadn't seen any coworkers I'd describe that way. Before I met her, that is. Turns out, it was pure projection. She would make us turn in our reports to her to be "graded" by her and then corrected by us before the clients saw them. And her corrections were bogus. She would restructure a sentence just to leave her mark on it without changing the grammar or meaning. It was an obvious control issue. Once I secretly took one of her very own reports and cut and pasted large chunks of it directly into my report so that it was worded exactly how she would write it herself. She read "my" report and hacked it to bits with her red pen! Also she had to know where we were at any given time, making us call the answering machine throughout the day to keep tabs. If I re-arranged my schedule for any reason (always at the request of a client) , she'd scream that I wasn't working. ??? She would say that certain things were okay (working four ten hour days instead of five eights) or using the coffee pot, microwave or certain office space. Within twenty four hours, she'd scream that it was NOT okay to do any of the above and she had no idea what made us think it was. She said I'd have insurance. Lie. She said I wouldn't drive too much to different sites. Lie. She said 40 hours and no weekends. Lie. She expected us to work without lunch and then said any time someone quit, it was all our faults because we were so "weird." It certainly wasn't her fault! There are more stories but you get the idea. We had several workers start working there only to quit, crying, within a week or two. We're just so "unprofessional" that we aren't dedicated to our jobs.

#7 May 2 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

ALWAYS the victim

My former Narc boss was a short Italian. He laid on the charm; he had been a pastry chef at prestigious restaurant. He didn't look angelic, but he was quite effeminate... he had an older boyfriend in a city an hour and a half away. The same thing with him... he'd always be changing, at the last minute. He liked making people's routines more difficult, then blame the employees if it slowed them down. He LOOOVED hiring friends. If you were his friend, he'd be more likely to hire you. I was an outsider. He'd tell sob stories about how the whole kitchen walked out on him once.. and he did EVERYTHING. There was high turnover. Lots of people quitting, or getting fired. He once hired a homeless man who stole from the kitchen. He REFUSED to hire a morbidly obese Narc coworker who had exposed himself to female employees, bragged about a teenaged girl flashing her, and had encouraged high school students in their alcohol consumption on the grounds of the nursing home. He enjoyed making it difficult for me to go to my sister's wedding-he happened to be catering at a wedding at the same time. I was on edge till the last minute.

#8 May 1 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

Lisa E. Scott

ValiditySeeker

Wow, you certainly had a huge bully of a boss. She sounds horrible! As an HR professional, one thing I have learned and is a common understanding among colleagues is this: "Employees do not leave a company, they leave a bad boss." Sounds like your boss loved shifting the blame when people quit, but believe me, she wasn't fooling anyone. People don't leave companies, they leave bad bosses! Everyone knows that. I'm going to be teaching an HR graduate level course this summer and one of the topics we will be covering in detail is Bullying in the Workplace. I am dedicated to building awareness on this and am definitely looking for interested bloggers/moderators. Thanks for sharing, VS! xoxo

#9 May 1 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

ValiditySeeker

She has a horrible reutation

She has a horrible reutation in our field but I didn't know it before I worked for her. Ten years later, she's still the same, as told to me by a woman who recently worked for her. I advise anyone who asks to never interview there. Turnover is high and she has no problem degrading people. She told one employee to hand over office keys and wait in the hallway each morning until another employee could let her in in the mornings. This punishment was because the employee had come up to the office over the weekend in order to put some chairs and a table in her office, as Bitch Boss left it unfurnished for a month. The employee had been working on the floor!

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