I believe he is so good at what he does, he has convinced her that i was the reason he cheated and he would never think of cheating on her, i believe wholeheartedly, the way she gloats, the way he runs for her, yes, she trusts him one hundred percent, i just dont get women that dont realize what he does with you, he will do to you, they just believe they are so much better than the wife, the man would never think to do that, especially since hes so good at what he does, he could convince her, she is the only woman hes ever loved, and turn around and ask me for sex, but she wouldnt even suspect that............
The harder they believe - the harder they will fall. Not a nice thing to wish for on one of our sisters ... but if it brings you some peace ... why not. She will get hers someday.
but what if its twenty five years before she gets hers......what if she turns a blind eye as i did, as to keep him, when she does figure out what he is....and worse, what if she is the one for him and he never lets her go????????then i will always believe it was me........
he will have done alot of damage to her. Remember Jaycee that there is emotional abuse going on. What we chose to put up with and what she chooses to put up with whether we know what it is or not is still happening.
It's not you - I had a hard time too - I believed what you are thinking. But if he is a Narc and I'm sure you have done your research just as I have - then 2 + 2 = 4. However subtle his abuse is of her (mine was subtle but caused my anxiety disorder and devestation in the end) there is damage being done.
What my therapist is trying to pound into my brain .... It's not about them anymore - it's about us and how we can move past it. We have to build up self esteem. SELF ESTEEM IS THE CURE. Find out why WE are the way WE are and fix that.
i know i should be focusing on me and me getting well, but the torment of him being with her and the rejection and the push pull and the mind fucking has me in ten different directions,,,,,,,,,,i want to love me and get rid of him but im so afraid he will prove it was me and love her forever,,,,,,,,its stupid but its eating me alive.....
because I know exactly how you feel. For months I would ask my brother and sisters what they thought. Would their relatonship last, how long, what if it lasted for years? Could I live through that? I obssessed about them, she was going to live MY life. Have fun doing everything I couldn't with him. My siblings were so patient with me, listened to me vent, cry, rage ....
Ask yourself. Why do I want him? Would I be able to live with him now that I know all that I know? I couldn't. I don't think you could either.
I know it's hard. I'm still struggling. I remind myself daily that I have the possibility to be happy now whereas before I saw my life stretch out in front of me always waiting for the next crisis, clinging to him to keep me safe (when he was my biggest danger).
When he left I thought I was going to die, I wanted to die. Now I want to live a better life. I wish that for you. Wish that for yourself too.
i understand i cling to him for safety and you are so right he is my greatest danger.....he lies so much, its sickening.....hes so evil he can pretend one minute he loves me and the next watch me suffer horrifically...its so sick and twisted i wish i wanted more for myself, but im so afraid she will live my life and do all the things with him, he couldnt and wouldnt do with me. she likes all the things he likes, to smoke pot and laugh while their high, i dont smoke, drink everynight, i dont like alcohol, and go shopping, which he never would with me, but she spends a fortune on him, as she obviously can or is getting herself into major debt, and she like illegal steriods and the gym, like him, but i strongly disagree with steriods and hate the gym. so understand dont you?
Jaycee don't you realize that he keeps giving you a touch of hope so that you can still be narc supply to him. For him the more supply the better.
My NH would drop little things into a conversation that gave me hope .... you never know what the future will be, I don't have a crystal ball, and then told me that someone in his office had gotten back together after divorcing. This was meant for me to keep hoping and being nice to him so that I would remain supply to him.
I'm sure I surprised him - I don't call him, I don't see him and I am very short and to the point when he calls. I know he thought that I would keep calling him and crying as I did in the beginning for alot longer. I'm stronger than he thought.
I don't want hope, I want to forget. I'll be damned if I give him Narc Supply of any kind - good or bad.
you are so right, he throws me crumbs, makes remarks to give me hope, but hes not giving this girl up, hes has no intention of getting his own place, he will come and go there as long as she allows, and when shes sick of it, she will make sure hes back lock, stock, and barrel. i dont know what she has over him, but she comes first, before me, before our children, before anything, he thinks hes the shit, the mackdaddy, cause shes fifteen years younger, too bad she looks fifteen years older and about 40lbs heavier, shes nasty and hes nastier to do what he has done to me.....he came yesterday because my daughter told him she thinks im seeing someone, and he cried the blues how unhappy he is there and wishes he were here to see if i would sleep with him, he got what he wanted, yes, im a fool, and then an hour later, he was seen going out to dinner with her, how sick is that, he just wants to know i wont move on, so he can have a life with her....i dont get it, why not just let me go and live his life with her, because obviously, shes who he wants......i never meant anything to him, im just another mommy to him, now i feel even worse than i already have felt, im so stupid and so abused, i know he loves this girl, theres no way he doesnt, or he wouldnt be there........he wouldnt go out to dinner everynight and party with her, workout with her, and basically live with her......he never did those things with me, so i know she is who he wants, he just is selfish and doesnt want me to be happy, he wants to be the only one who is happy, im so sick right now , shaking and sick to my stomach, why does he love her????
For the very last time: HE DOES NOT LOVE HER, and HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU EITHER,
Sorry to be blunt, but you have been suffering for way too long and you have to face the fact the he will never come back. Not the way you want
He is dangling carrots to obtain much needed supply, for you, his mum and her and you all come up with the goods for different things....it works for him, why should he change?
jaycee as long as you let him, he will be able to do that and carry on regardless!
and you know what the cruel thing is? It does not matter one bit to him whether you are hurting or not. In fact, he rejoices in the observation that you are still pining, still under his spell....
Whether you cry yourself to sleep or not at night matters not. Not at all, not to him....
He will not make a difference to that. Only you can! He is NOT the answer to your problems...he is one of the causes or symptoms...
If she wants to be a sucker for the rest of her life, let her! she is feeding on your pain too. Because you are evidently hurting, you put more of a price on his head, like he is worth the trouble or something. He is just not worth it though you know....
You are worth more than that. The only way to disempower him is NC and your total disregard for his welfare.
Wanna hurt them both? Stop caring about them.....live your life.
im so brainwashed and so afraid he will end up with her and it will be that it was me, and that she had more to offer, and to be honest hes so mind fucking and so abusive he comes here everyday txts everyday and says hi mama, thats not my fucking name, i love you mama, you my love, and then leaves to be with her, how cruel, he watches me suffer horrifically and yells i cant take this shit anymore, youre fucking sick, you need help, and then an hour later hes i love you mama, etc, it goes on all day everyday and when he mean hes soooo mean, i frustrate him, he says this bullshit of my questioning him is never going to end, and im driving him crazy and if i dont stop he will take her with him when he needs to go to the hospital or doctors so i need to shut the fuck up, i say take her, whats that your threat, he says no a fucking promise, now shut up......thats how he is every single minute brings a new attitude with him, unless i shut my mouth pretend all is fine, not ask him a thing, and smile, or else i get mind fucked and abused, yes, i get it he doesnt love me and worse, he has absolutely no respect for me, i guess i deserve that, i allowed it for all these years.....and he believes he deserves to be happy regardless of how i feel. sadly enough, i didnt talk to him for a week and he begged me to talk to him, practically cried, but i did and he won control back.....but he does want her, she makes him happy and he told our daughter, i go out everynight to dinner and shopping because she pays for everything, she his skank ow, pays for everything, and that makes him happy..........so she is who he wants, and i am who he abuses.......
My God Jaycee, please see what this is doing to you. Let him go!!!! You need to get this psycho out of your life.
My NH cheated on me for our entire marriage (19 years), his abuse was oh so subtle and it was devastating to me in the end. He does not impose himself in my life so I can only image how horrible it is when the narc is so obviously abusive and will not let you go.
You need to stop contact any way you can! Maybe it will feel worse at first but it will get better. You cannot live this way, it will make you sick.
Let her have him - he's scum.
Dudette is absolutely 100% right in everything she has said. I can't make it any clearer than she has. It's up to you now. You are the only one who can make yourself feel better.
We see what you cannot. It is so obvious to anyone reading your posts that he is keeping you hooked so that he gets extra supply. Please see it.
I know that it will be excrutiating to accept that he does not love you but it's the only way that you can start to move forward.
Hope made me feel better at the beginning, I understand. But hope keeps you stuck.
Healing will take time .... Start today.
I feel like a right bitch sometimes, when delivering such messages....
However, this is tough love and it is the only thing that will work here...
Jaycee, reading your pain kills me, absolutely does...
And If I sawe any of my family members or girlfriends being abused in this way, I would absolutely do the same....
It is time to save yourself Jaycee, no-one else will do it for you....
It was a hard lesson to learn and I am doing it like all the ladies here. Cold turkey and a severe dose of realism....
J, there is NO HOPE in this, nope, none whatsoever....just hang on in there and for goodness' sake, stop letting him hurt you!
loveyourself
Jaycee
Look at it this way ...
loveyourself
Jaycee
In twenty five years
loveyourself
Jaycee
I'm so sorry
loveyourself
Jaycee
Let go of the hope
loveyourself
Jaycee
OK jaycee
thanks for being so blunt i need that
Jaycee
you don't DESERVE abuse!!!
Jaycee
Thank you LYF