polite but cruel

Did he have any peculiarities in speech pattern, cadence, rhythm? Mine did. The first time I spoke with Michael on the phone, I thought, "Wow, if I didn't know better, I'd think by his manner of speaking that he's a psychopath!" Seriously! ahahah. Should've listened to my gut.

That's what I'd tell the ex-Psych prof if he ever acts prim&proper on me again... besides, it would be most pleasant to rub the Oscar winner's good looks, perfectly white teeth and healthy weight into his face. The ex-P would be incredibly polite&formal with me... yet incredibly controlling and verbally abusive. He'd call me a slut whenever I wore a dress or a skirt. I'd get the silent treatment... and he was apparently trash talking me to his colleagues, and they quickly tired of it. The ex-P apparently kept his mask on around me... but my classmates&his colleagues saw a depth of nastiness he wouldn't dare reveal in my presence. He'd say nasty things about his colleagues, his students... and he realized my disapproval. During my junior year, I told him to stop calling me a slut... and instead of apologizing, he distanced himself. He hated cursing&obscenities. When I called him a jerk, he said delicately, "I don't like it when you speak that way." So I substituted "jerk" with "bully." When he flaunted his girlfriend, he called her "MIss G" instead of referring to her by her first name. If she had been a fellow student or prof, I wouldn't have minded. She had introduced herself to me by her first name... so when he called her Miss G, I put on the Miss Innocence voice, saying in a condescending tone, "I didn't KNOW she had a last name. I don't KNOW her like you do." The ex-P cloaked his nastiness in formality and propriety. The final D&D was all about propriety. Should I ask him how many times he jerked off during "King's Speech"?

yes mine was like that completely. Everything that came out of his mouth was very nice and a compliment. Everything also had a double meaning.... But cruel beyond belief, stone cold, witholding, silent treatement type. Those silent rages, the thing with the eyes changing colour but the smile on his face.....

you expressed it perfectly. the N would never talk about other women, was never violent but was just so dismissively cool that it hurt so much. it's as everyone says here - when we had a REALLY good day/night, the chances of being D&D'd goes way up. he couldn't stand the closeness. i too feel emotionally tortured, and no one who hasn't had that done would understand it, it's worse than being verbally abused. he never let me into his life no matter how perfect i made things for him, it was devastating. hugs!

YES!....I couldn't even explain to people sometimes what had gone on. Sometimes it sounded ridiculous and juvenile! But it's so covert....silent treatments, withholding, unfair comparisons, lies, displays on FB, thoughtlessness, not reciprocating, brainwashing tactics....all pasive agressive BS. An with time, this just wears you down to a shadow of the person you once were. You would look at her and think no way in hell could she do that....she looks so sweet..ugh!!!

I always say this. Mine was so fake, polite and caring in person. It was a year he kept me hanging on a thread, while he had a secret hidden double life. He was emotionally cruel behind the computer, text and phone...but always so sweet in person. So worried about his image. I could attach crazy emails where he would contradict himself withing one sentence. Always saying everything was a joke or reframing stories and crazy making tactics. Sadistically hurtful and he is so full of sarcasm

Yep! They have a way of "doing things" without actually doing them. Or saying something very hurtful in very subtle terms. I personally think it's on purpose. That's how they plant a seed of doubt in our minds. It's very confusing.

Yes, they are very good a covertly putting the stingers to you...yes...I can relate...same story here...although at times there was a temper he never laid a hand on me...that is why I was so cluster effed, a whole different person emerged at the end. BUT in hindsight, I realized the crap was going on allllllll along. Hugs!

or as the song goes, KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS WORDS, i can no longer listen to this songxx