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Typical narc talk?

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#1 Apr 12 - 4PM
Jaded73
Jaded73's picture

Typical narc talk?

Text from my narcissist or soon to be ex narcissist last night -

"I am a good man and good provider who already makes all the decisions. You should do as you are told and you have little right to argue with me."

Afterwards which he broke up with me yet again for not acting the way he wants me to act.

This isn't normal is it? Is this what a narcissist would say? Usually he throws a few nasty names in too.
This has been going on for the last 6 years, I'm trying to break free, but it's not easy :(

Apr 13 - 1PM
Jaded73
Jaded73's picture

Thank-you

Thank you so much everyone for your support and comments, it really helps to hear other peoples views on this and to know there's a way out. I shouldn't be so scared of being alone! Sometimes he slaps me hard in a playful way, on my leg or backside, I say how much it hurts and he says "well that's how much you hurt me every day". I would never set out to hurt him. After reading your comments I think trauma bonding and childhoold trauma (my father) have alot to do with this and the reasons I find it so hard to leave. I'm glad I found this site :) Thanks :)
Apr 13 - 11AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Jaded

I'm sorry he does this to you. Hopefully, this will resonate. You stay, jaded...because you fear the unknown. Period. That's it. Being brainwashed, childhood trauma that might have attached you to him, etc..are all reasons you are in this. But, he is abusive, you know you should leave. The reason you don't...is fear of the unknown. Jaded. I'm in the middle of the unknown RIGHT NOW. And it's far better than being with the guy I was with. Just sayin! ;) Holy shit...I can't believe I just said that. But, it's true. I'm making some progress!!! You can too, jaded. {{[hugs}}}
Apr 13 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Diedre

That is significant progress...moment by moment step by step we unravel it all... That was really good insight.... Yes, not knowing is okay too...as long as we are in a safe place.
Apr 13 - 11AM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

You should do as you're told?

You should do as you're told? Oh man, my narcs all did that to me. That is so abusive it doesn't get more until they hit you or try to if you don't obey them. GET OUT NOW.
Apr 13 - 9AM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Ewwwwww!!!

That is all I have to say! No, it is NOT normal to talk to someone like they are shit. You deserve better than that magget!
Apr 12 - 11PM
Jaded73
Jaded73's picture

I don't know why it's so hard

I don't know why it's so hard for me to break free, I thought I was stronger than this. Already he's trying to get me to forgive him for the nasty things he said last night. He is one of those jekyll and hyde types, the good times he is sweet and caring and affectionate and for some reason in my mind I keep going back to those times. He reminds me i'll never find anyone who gives me the same amount of love and affection and takes care of me the way he does. Deep down I know that's not true, but maybe I've been brainwashed so much into thinking no one else will want me. He can say the nicest things to me and he tells me he loves me all the time, but when things aren't going his way or he's not getting enough attention or affection from me, look out..... then apparently i'm a selfish b----- for who it will be difficult to find another man because of my socially awkward, unaffectionate ways...... He can be very charming and very good with his words, whereas I'm the opposite, never really knowing the right things to say, always scared i'll say something to offend him without meaning to. I've lost count of the times he's broken up with me and the next morning he acts as though he didn't mean any of what he said. In a way it feels like I'm addicted to this man.
Apr 13 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaded

When you have time, I've posted some threads on some of the methods they use...gaslighting etc.....I suggest that you read the Blog Section...Lisa has posted a number of great articles that are easy to digest. I bumped some that I though would apply - but it is redundant to post ALL her blogs in this section. It takes some very hard work to de-program I would say that for sure. There is the brainwashing and the trauma bonding to overcome... Read up on the gaslighting as well - "he's the only one who'll understand you...hmmmm The walking on eggshells is not good news...it is a sure sign that you've been manipulated and controlled. Up and down intermittent reinforcement and such...he's working on the crazymaking campaign...start shoring up the mind, start educating yourself, start learning his techniques so you can identify them and re-wire your thinking when he's spewing his garbage...start becomming more aware. We have to work so hard to deprogram the messages...stick to the board, and get the support you need. AND plaster it with your thoughts and questions...get it out... Hugs!
Apr 12 - 8PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

were we dating the same man?

were we dating the same man? lol He never broke up with me, I did. But, he would threaten it all the time. The same man who said he'd always help me with my 'fear of loss' issues. Hmmm. wow!! NO, that behavior is far from normal in a loving, healthy relationship. In a relationship with a narc...yes, totally the norm. When someone threatens to break up with you, unless you submit...you are being verbally abused. What is holding you back from leaving this man? I didn't read through the thread...sorry, if I missed that.
Apr 12 - 8PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaded

Humph!...what arrogance! the first part, I'm a good man, nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself BUT you should do as your told... this is ABUSE!!! Arrogance Grandiosity Control with I fear a touch of chauvenism! To answer your question...NO this is not normal...YES it does sound like what a narcissist or someone with SOME type of disorder would say... What are the challenges you're having with breaking free?