Narcissists Who Stalk

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#1 April 11, 2011 - 5:53pm

Narcissists Who Stalk

What's in it for them?

And by stalk, I mean in the sense that they are hidden from you. What are they gaining from it by remaining in the shadows, do they get some sort of voyeuristic thrill?

I'm asking this because the last time he D & D'd me, last spring (hmm, now that I think about it, it always happens right before summer, and he crawls back when summer is over) I started a blog of my own. I am in a grad program for writing and just needed something to put my material out there. A lot of it was personal. I'm a pretty open, blunt person, and I don't really have an issue with sharing the muddier parts of myself. So in that way, it was a pretty revealing blog to showcase my writing style.

I had set up web analytics because I was offered a free trial through my web host. I could see all the details of every visitor- what time, their ip address, location, how long they spent on each page, each click they made, what browser they were using... EVERYTHING! A few weeks in I started to notice one daily (sometimes twice a day) visitor. I was in a different state from my NX, but it was in his state, his mac browser, seemed to correspond with his "up all night" schedule. Basically, I knew it was him all along. A month in, this same user started making comments under my posts. Mostly neutral, some were actually sweet, others were hinting at things and sounded stalkerish. It got to the point where I shut the blog down and called him out on it, and of course he ignored me. All he said was "Obviously you're not an easy person to forget" and then he ignored me for about 2 months after.

I was still caught up in his spell back then and swiftly took him back when he came around, because I interpreted that behavior as him caring. But now I know it couldn't have been... there had to be something in it for him, but if he thought he was completely anonymous then what did he get out of it? Why bother? I only ask because I want to fully understand the narc's intentions to avoid rationalizing anything to myself in the future.

April 12, 2011 - 6:13pm

So can he stalk us here on this site then thru analytics

Decbee if you did it then why can't our narcs get someone to check our IP's and see this site as well?

April 12, 2011 - 6:37pm (Reply to #8)

No, they can't stalk us here

Noooo, that can't happen. The only person who can see who visited a certain website is the person who actually runs the site. So, maybe Lisa could. The owner of the website or perhaps the website designer is the only person who has access to that type of information. Hope that clarifies things, do not want people to be scared about that! It's not supposed to be a malicious tool, it's just a good tool for marketing purposes- NOT supposed to be a stalker's tool!

April 12, 2011 - 6:40pm (Reply to #9)

No it's not your fault - I am

No it's not your fault - I am scared of narc physically and I am always worried about his covert actions which he did before to his ex-wife in the form of taping her phone calls the last three weeks of their marriage. He knows a lot of crooked people - prob a lot of cops. I don't think your statement about accessing the location of the computer's owner is accurate. People hack their way into anything.

April 12, 2011 - 6:47pm (Reply to #10)

I understand your concerns.

I understand your concerns. But as far as him finding out you go here through an outside source, it's highly doubtful. Most of the computer hacking that gets done is through directly downloading "spyware" onto someone's computer.

Furthermore, even if by some really far out coincidence, some crazy person bribed a website owner into visitor information, it'd be pretty hard to tell who's who. It doesn't come with a name attached. It's all just numbers and locations on a map (and most of them aren't even correct). But my website was so small and new, and the nature of these visits were so consistent that there was no mistaking it was my ex. Any large website such as this one, it'd be impossible to know who someone specifically is by name. And that's IF you even have access to such information, which would be pretty much impossible anyway.

He sounds like a scary guy and I definitely think you should be vigilant, but I know enough about computers to know he couldn't use web analytics like I did to find out where you're going online unless he downloaded something into your computer directly. If you're afraid of this, you should take it somewhere to get sweeped, or maybe just wipe it completely and start fresh.

April 12, 2011 - 6:48pm (Reply to #11)

Yeah - thanks. I am married

Yeah - thanks. I am married and not to him which I am ashamed to say, but there it is. So he has no access to my computers. If he had I would have taken precautions of course and would already have done a sweep. Probably my biggest concern is that he will find this site and know very clearly who I am and that it is him I am writing about. I have not really held back on details.

April 12, 2011 - 6:52pm (Reply to #12)

I understand, I've worried

I understand, I've worried about the same thing myself! Especially after calling him out on his sickness, telling him to "look it up for yourself" if he didn't believe me, and then blocking him from my life. Who knows, they might come across this, but hopefully they are too self-absorbed to read about their affliction for hours and hours :)

April 12, 2011 - 6:53pm (Reply to #13)

Yes, hopefully Decbee. Mine

Yes, hopefully Decbee. Mine is extremely paranoid, but one would hope that he doesn't have enough intelligence to find this. I really don't know.

April 11, 2011 - 8:01pm

It seems they all stalk. Even

It seems they all stalk. Even when they discard you. Take for instance mine and his getting married news. He closed his facebook supposedly but I notice there were a couple of blank profiles with his name. I have no idea if they were him or not but Im guessing they were so I blocked them. I found out from googling him that he is starting a new business venture just like the place I took him to when he was here visiting me and what else did I find? Yes a facebook page in the name of the business. His name is not connected to it but I know its him. It is not set up as a business page but a personal one. There are no friends listed and no info other than hometown. I have my facebook profile locked down but he can still see any new profile pic or just know that he has access to me. I start thinking oh thats not about me but what I have realized is that I have always sold myself short as far as this mans interest in me. I absolutely think its there for one thing to torture me and number 2 to keep up with me and make sure he can still get to me if he needs to

April 11, 2011 - 8:07pm (Reply to #4)

Reading your post, I just

Reading your post, I just realized that it is still just for their own satisfaction. They're checking up on us to see if we've moved on. They want to know whether we're still emotionally crippled or if they no longer exist to us. That's all it is. Sizing up and trying to gather information from a safe distance before making a decision about moving in for the kill again.

April 11, 2011 - 8:27pm (Reply to #6)

deecbee....I think you're

deecbee....I think you're right on!

April 11, 2011 - 8:25pm (Reply to #5)

In a weird way its there way

In a weird way its there way that they can be close to you with out being intimate with you. Also as I said they absolutely need to know that they have access to you. They wont act on it unless of course their supply is low but they need to know they could tap into if they needed it they just need to know they can get to you and they will work out all of the lies they are gonna tell you to win you back later. It just gives them great comfort to know that there is still a possibility to reach you if they need you

April 11, 2011 - 6:06pm

I would love to hear

I would love to hear someone's answer on this as well. My N followed me quite a bit on drove her CRAZY when I blocked her on FB. She always kept really close tabs on me and wanted to know my work schedule each week as well as what I was doing on weekends.But she would always deny these things saying...."It's polite to ask and show interest in others' lives." Yeah, right!

April 11, 2011 - 6:02pm


I guess I'm wondering if this voyeuristic trait (he was voyeuristic in other ways, too) pushes him more towards psychopathy?

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