I am so sorry, this hurts like hell I know - the only time it happened to me months ago, I was suicidal
many FB photos are there for a reason, carefully edited and handpicked to tell a story....
self-promotion and fakery.
Honey it's a second in time - a posed reality.....
Try and look after yourself and have a reasonable birthday... and remember, because they have the frozen look of fake happiness on the pic, does not mean he is not abusing her, she is not walking on eggshells and he is not lying cheating and devaluing her every day of the week
Take it easy hun x
You are right about FB pics...Self-promotion and fakery.
I am even guilty of doing it. For sure.
This young girl he is with is a total "YES" person and worships him (he told me). So she is going to do whatever he says. He is in heaven now.
I am not like that (thank goodness), but it still hurts. And now, everyone who knew us as a couple, see's tehm together and it's just embarrassing. I am sure he told everyone he dumped me...When in reality, I dumped him...I just back peddled the next day cuz I panicked. That is when he told me he would try with her.
It's horrifying seeing him, this guy I knew for 4 years, with someone else. Never seen that. It's the worst.
It's unimaginable.
To demonstrate how DISORDERED they are...please listen carefully and I want YOU to tell me if we were close friends and I said this to you WHAT would you TELL ME...*stealing IdealK's angle for a minute...
The narc said to me after finding my replacement within two months...NO BS...he actually probably found her before the sheets got cold BUT moved her in two months later...fast forward...NEVER got an apology. Around January* I think...MIND YOU August was about D-Day...one of a few...
"I'm IN LOVE with YOU but I love her"...
He seriously said this with all sincerity...
Luckily I knew it was bullshit...but let's pretend for a minute I ate this up. Could you tell me why this is a LIE ALL around...what is the truth here? Is he in love with me? Does he love her?...
Hugs!
I have no idea, but I am not getting all email alerts for this thread! Are you getting any?
Anyways. Wait.So you didn't talk to your narc since Aug and in Jan he said that to you? Out of the blue?
I have a sick feeling mine will move the little youngin in soon. His eldest daughter -who went to HS with her- is gonna love that.
Not sure if you read my other response to you about how I feel he will hold on to her and try even harder cause he is obsessed with staying young, youth etc. And once a man goes young, especially a narc, I assume, he won't go back. My point is, I feel he will hold on to her for dear life. I know she wants kids and he absolutely won't have anymore. But he might for her. Gosh I hope he doesn't produce any more kids. His kids hate him! His eldest WARNED me and told me he is a very sick man!
Going off on a tangent! Anyways. I will never go back. But it kills me and I believe, Michele, that this girl is the difference. I feel it.
Thumnail sketch in MY case that becomes ALL so very clear...I swear, if I didn't think the force would screw up my rotator cuff now that I am at peace, settled, passed pain, I think I could slap myself for thinking so foolishly...BUT I am forgiving of myself, just saying that once you get to the other side...you end up feeling like: CHRIST!!! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME!!?? It takes time...and I hear hints of the "history" coming to the surface for you...just take a look at what I 'invested' in...'loved dearly' all that GOOD STUFF...
Women:
A ton of them...military and such...FIRST one to produce a child...died of AIDS. He "made it clear" he wanted his freedom...this was a military "installation" - I'm referring to his CHILD. No relationship really with the child...kid ended up in FOSTER CARE because back then he was on drugs...I "RATIONALIZED" Okay, well, he was young, on drugs...LOOK HOW HONORABLE...he released his daughter...DOY...DUH...DOY...what would a real man have done? Cleaned up...WELL HE DID CLEAN UP...BUT, did he ever go get his kid? NOOOOO
BUT - she made a "good story" for pity and victimization to all the others....
A couple of more hiccups...fast forward...BABY MOMMA NUMBER TWO:
Had four kids I think before he implanted her with his spawn...*well actually this kid seems okay...actually all his kids do seem okay, as they've managed not to be RAISED AROUND HIM!!!! But just saying...number two wants NOTHING to do with him..."OH, poor poor narc" his excuse...THE WIFE THE ONLY ONE HE MARRIED committed some atrocious crime...called the son a bastard. Not sure if this is true or not...maybe the damn narc called him a bastard!!! BUT when I met pooor poor narc...it was all about "bridging those good ol family gaps"...and saw how "pained he was" as his "ungrateful" children outright rejected him...just didn't understand him...
HINDISIGHT: GOD BLESS YOU CHILDREN YOU HAD AN ANGEL PROTECTING YOU AND YOUR MOM DID RIGHT BY YOU SAVING YOU FROM THIS DEMENTED EVIL...
Fast forward to WIFE...who had yet a THIRD CHILD...Oh, wait, there was a report of another child that was trying to be "pinned on him" and the DNA proved negative BUT imagine...what a slut he was to even think it was his...and of course, bleeding mary mother of all souls michele over here..."Oh, you poor poor darling - no one understands you"
His mother and father - both sick and dysfunctional...they really are...DONT WANT HIM ANYWHERE NEAR THEIR HOME...and it just seemed so understandable how hurt, and victimized he was Imagine, mom and dad not loving him, wanting NOTHING to do with him...Oh you poor poor baby...well you know what, when you don't have family friends can be family and "gosh darnit, I"ll just let you in and we will have our own little family" I will shore you up cause it's just all around messed up for you...
AND THAT SOB...sucked me dry.
Do I hate him? NO - he's mentally, emotionall, spritually DEAD at 48 he ain't gonna change...he's from the gutter and he knows how to front - he's a con man he feigns emotions...for the most part, these narcs have to come from bad dysfunction to be what they are...where are they gonna learn empathy? They're not...
I wash my hands, I wipe the dirt off my feet, I don't spit on him because I need it more than he does. YOu detach...they have their gimic down...they prey on victims, they hunt they are heartless...they are DEAD...they are the walking dead.
They are users, abusers they do not discrimnate...every human qualifes.
You need to detach...she is not special either and the truth, do not envy those who are young...do not compare youself either...you are where you are, you were there once and you are here now. You are where you need to be and you are who you are...you don't compare yourself to others...it's bullshit - we each have been blessed with our own beauty gifts and talents...those we compare ourselves too - we don't know what tradgedy awaits, get that self destructive thought out of your mind. YOu are not in her league and she isn't in yours.
Hugs
Geezus! You were with a rabid monster!
The first child he had-the mom died of aids?
And so on with the other poor children.
I hope this isn't personal...is your child his?
You cannot beat yourself up about letting him "in". I would've done the same damn thing! I think most, if not all of us would have let the "poor soul" in.
YUCK. Deplorable human beings we have dealt with.
Yes. Mine has a history. I am sure there is plenty I don't know of.
5 year affair behind wifes back. Left his wife for this girl and I think did D&Ds with her continually- from info I put together. He also once went to get a happy ending @ massahe place when he was married, but said he stopped it from happening! HA!!! Right!!!
Had a 2 on one with 2 female prostitutes in El Salvadore. Loves strips clubs. His brother was very forth coming with all this info cuz he hates him. His brother is also creepy. Both raised Mormon. No longer practiced it. My ex narc screwed many in Thailand on his mission when he was 19.
His bro also told me he screwed around on me a few times maybe even with prostitutes but wasn't sure. His bro also said "I've never seen my brother so in love with anyone like he is with you"
His bro also told me my ex narc also discussed my vagina with his brother.
Yes. He did. And his bro is even creepier for telling me what exactly was discussed. My ex narc also showed nude pics of me to his friends.
Lovely.
I am sure their is so much more I know nothing about.
Piece of craps!!!
UGH!!! Why the fuck am I upset? What is this sick hold he has on me? Look what he has done!!!!
No, my son is not his...and there was a ton of jealousy there too...
TLSM...did you just read what you wrote? ABOUT your scenario...it will take time, but these guys are from the GUTTER...
They are soul stealers...think: Invasion of the Body Snatchers...
And you are pining over?....
It is gonna take time, you are in PAIN because you have been hurt, betrayed, lied to...BUT you don't MISS HIM...I'm telling you that you don't...you are hurt! That is the source of your pain.
You can't believe how someone like this can exist...certainly there has to be some element of "good" in people...and if we are kind, people "appreciate" and at least will be fair...THATS A LIE...
You gave of yourself and so you think a piece of you is gone...but it's not cause what he did was reflect all the good parts of you that EXISTED but he never stole them because he's an empty shell - the reality is he "borrowed" your good parts and for a time sucked your energy from you and left you depleted, but they don't get to leave with your good parts...they leave empty...THAT IS WHY it is URGENT that a replacement is secured...
capice?
to clarify, I was back and forth, sending missives, then I stopped then he hoovered via a friend, and we ended up talking. AND we discussed his possible "disorder" then "WE" came up and I shared my feelings, yes I was still hooked then he handed me the good ol..."I'm in love with you but I love her" bullshit.
He would have been all too happy to get free therapy services from me...mind you I'm not a therapist, just saying, the one he's with I can see she can't find her way out of a paper bag without GPS...he just needed a drug and fast!
She looks washed up, spent. Looks like she COULD be on drugs...looks like she's had a very complicated life...let's put it this way and I'm being very honest. We are the same age...she looks like she could be my mother.
SO I'm gonna cry over this...NO!
In your case...if she's as young as his daughter, you want a man that can't act his age and has to go back to High School? Cause that is what this is...you want a man or a dependent?
If you want a child, there's always foster children..lots of children that need homes, nurturing, attention, validation, all that...put your love and energy somewhere where it's needed.
Dogs are great companions too, even cats.
This guy? YOu have to give of your soul, your love, your attention, your energy for WHAT? What is in it for you? SEX? You can get sex anywhere...what's the difference? These guys don't bond. AND I"m not saying go out there what I"m saying is look at the reality of what you are saying...you are hung up over somebody that can't even love. SO what is it that you love? A shell?
That is the reality.
Hugs!
HA!I would be better off with a pet. He is a child in many ways.
I'm sorry your ex pulled a major mind F on you-PLUS all the other info you told me in private message. Geeze. You poor thing!
At least your ex narc is with an aged sewer rat. He obviously went backwards. He KNEW he was shit compared to you. That's so obvious!!!
But mine is with a cute youngin.
I am attractive and look very young for my age- which was overly and hugely important to him. That is interesting now that I think about it.
His ex wife looked young for her age too, so then I do and now he is actually going for the young.
Interesting. Next he will be trolling elementary schools?
I also forgot to add to his history that I believe he also was seeing the woman who he had an affair with behind his ex wifes back-behind MY back. This is great to write all this. Reminding me what a wreck he was and is.
So, yeah, this new chickie is totally screwed.
But there still is that doubt.
There is another element to the "aged sewer rat" elevation...it has to do with ummm how can I say it...an ignorance about..."bettering the race"....
'nuff said
Nothing to do with love...all about "image" there is self loathing in ethnicity also in this case...
It was yet another thing I sensed early on?
I'm mixed I fall into all three pretty equally of the majors here in the USA...
But in this case, I think two factors are key:
"The image" that somehow he's better because...of the ignorance regarding "race/ethnicity"
AND someone homely and ugly won't question too much...afterall she must be delighted to have a "man" I don't mean to sound cruel but let's face it...
AND someone "happy" to have finally scored a man, won't ask too many questions and will put up with shit because...being alone is just a..BUMMER...
Which also makes it easy to get away with any other "extra cirricular activities of an alternative kind"
And you and I discussed this so you know where I'm going on that last one. To pull that off one needs a wide berth and someone who won't "rock the boat" a.k.a. have expectations, make demands or 'ask questions'
;)
TLSM
Sorry you are going through all of this, but I wanted to agree with Michele on her last point about "someone that won't ask too many questions, etc."
Not too long ago, my N said to me, "Men should never go out with (or marry) a woman that has brains, beauty, and a good job because they just have too big of an ego--you know all about that, right Mell?" My replacement looks so much like me that she could be my sister, so it makes me curious which one of his other 2 criteria is missing.
I know this is SO hard! I am having a VERY difficult time trying not to think that he will try extra-hard for her and all of the great things he did for me, he is now doing for her, BUT mine was trying to lie to me the day after I busted him and telling me that I did not have "grounds" for a divorce and that he would not "allow" me a divorce. I ignored him and now he is with her, which is painful but probably for the best (although I know it does not feel like it for you or me right now).
Take it easy and hopefully you will feel better soon!
You rocked the boat. Shame on you! ;-)
I did too.
Thank goodness we did.
I just need to get through this and I will be ok.
Thank you Michele. I can't even begin to think how I can thank you properly.
I'll tell you how...see it's each one teach one...and we all give back when the universe hands us a life raft when we happen to throw all good sense it's given us to the wind, not listen to the gift of intuition we've been given to protect us and saves our arses anyway...
SO if you want to thank me...then do the work, heal, become whole and really understand all of this...then since we know how secret this abuse is and how misinformed others are...spread the knowledge and when you can walk away from this place whole and ready to soar...
Remember this board and the victims to come, and give back...and we can call it even
*wink*
Deal?
Unfortunately, I fear that you need not worry about his success in the Elementary schools only because my experience has shown me time and time again...KIDS can see right through them!!!
Kids have some protective force before life screws them up? They are pure and they can see evil and they react strongly to it...
Once the adults get in the mix, I think that's when their radar gets messed up. My son tolerated things, and my son SAID straight out: I tolerate him because YOU love him!...
I am proud of my son, if anything this mess also brought us closer.
As per the doubt...get the focus off him, her, whomever and back on YOU!
The creator did not discriminate...he gave all of us gifts and talents...if you are spritual, then appreciate what you've been given...don't compare...or take what you have for granted. Capitalize what you've been given you were given it for a REASON.
Focus on the reason.
Hint: It's got nothing to do with a narc...
Find your bliss.
Hugs!
My daughter said something very similar.
You said something very profound that may be obvious to outsiders, but not to me.
You said I don't miss him. I am just hurt.
That shifted something in me and maybe relieved me?
I don't want him and you are right I don't miss him. Nothing to miss.
When you have the CD going, it confuses you thinking you "miss him" and "need him" and "can't live without him"
I am deeply hurt. That's all it is. And now I can focus on just the hurt and move forward.
Thank you!!!!!!!!
DO NOT LET THAT THOUGHT GO...that is what you need to hold on to...that is one very strong CD fighter...to know the distinction....
More will surface...we'll keep chipping away at it!
YAY!
WARM HUGS!
This lady has got to get some shut eye before I "look my age"...LOL
We will continue this tomorrow...
Be patient w/yourself.
Everynight before bed, I was sooooo distraught, OMG...I would say, DEAR FATHER, please GET THIS OUTTA ME!!! AND I'd just pray myself to sleep and pour my heart out...and it worked...it clicked. Have faith, and keep purging, it will all start to take shape and form...I PROMISE YOU.
-Nite!
First, Happy Birthday, even though you are not feeling all so happy - I'm so sorry.
TLSM - you know these guys are fakers...she is in the illusion, he's taking her for a ride...
That picuture is not the truth...
What you are feeling, and what you know is.
She just doesn't know it yet...and she's in for some serving of pain.
THANK GOD it's not you in the pic.
What kind of sadist builds you up to an engagement then drops you on your head...
THAT is what you are "mourning" over...no trust me in time, this angst will move away from him, and more towards you for getting so twisted over this dirt bag...trust me - you will feel that actually dirt bag is too high of a regard for him.
Right now it's still raw...but he is a lowlife...but knows how to put on the charm.
No substance, no class, uncouth, barbaric, abusive, shallow, empty, lifeless, dull...this is all that you are missing right now.
Put that note in your back pocket...I'm telling you the truth.
Hugs
I told this to sara-smile, I swear. I am 100 percent convinced he is madly in love with her and will treat her so sweetly. That is how I feel and I feel sick to my stomach!!!
Fact. She is young. He is not. When goodlooking guys start looking older, they secretly freak out-especially Narcs. I believe this will force him to try harder to hold on to her- thus holding on to youth. I believe he will have his awful moments, but they won't be as bad as they were with me. I think he will hold on to this young one for dear life. He is desperate to get married, too cuz he feels he is getting old. That's what he told me.
????? Ugh!!!! :( help michelle!
I know the feeling.I saw my NArc arm in arm with another girl..thanks to facebook pictures.>>What I will tell you about men is that they move on FAST.I don't know why.It is very sick to me that they can move so quickly while we try to heal..I'm sorry there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better.i think you have to "walk through it"..That's how I did it.I walked in on my Narc with another girl.you will suffer deeply..just try to eat right,sleep right,breath.vent.take hot baths..And disengage the thoughts of him with her in your head..I am convinced that mine put up a picture of him and her arm in arm to get at me.I am convinced they do this for a reason.Try to think of it like he/she is doing ti on purpose to get to you..Don't let it..Don't they know we are hurting..ugggh
Happy Birthday!!! Sorry you have to go through this. After my divorce, I had so many people tell me they thought me and my Narc had the perfect marriage. I was one miserable woman nearly the whole 20 years. So that picture just tells you what they want the outside world to believe. I never aired my dirty laundry, except to my closest friends. Things usually arent what they look like. Happy Birthday again, again and again. I was thinking today about a sweet moment in our relationship, I didnt get all weepy tho. Because that was probably 2% of the time. The other 98% percent I was treated like the maid or nanny. You know what he's like behind closed doors and he ain't changed none.
facebook for self promotion
Dudette
TLSM...
Michele115
TLSM you have to look at his history...
M115!
TLSM
PS...BTW...
yes!
TLSM...
TLSM Sorry you are going
And that is just what you did...
TLSM RE: THE THANK YOU
TLSM
Bless your son!
TLSM...
TLSM
thank you M115
Michele
I know the feeling.I saw my
Happy Birthday!!! Sorry you