days I want to go back so the pain goes away

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April 4, 2011 - 5:04pm (Reply to #52)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Idealk

Yes! So true! This is exactly what I need is to be reminded what a horrible man he is. I really need that right now. He's a jerk! I wish I could stop my heart from feeling. I'm going to write tonight. This day sucks! Thanks for this! You're the best!!! Happy
April 4, 2011 - 11:26am
Scoop
Scoop's picture

oh putting youre phone in the

oh putting youre phone in the car made me smile coz i have lost count how many times i have done that . the thing is happy it wouldnt last if you went back .. see we have changed and they havnt , we have spent time building up our esteem so the things he use to say and do before would no way be tolerated , the minute he would say something demeaning you would be down his throat before he even finished the sentance . The only reason we lasted so long with the narc is because we learnt to put up and shut up , could you do that now ?NO WAY would you ... you would have to kill him (humanly of course ... hmm maybe not ... ) The dinamics have changed and you couldnt go back now even if you where faulst to . Its his birthday tomorrow and i recon that is triggering you , it did me last month and god i so nearly broke nc but i got more pleasure in knowing he knew i completely fogot it .. see it makes them feel insignificant and they hate that ... so if it helps ,enjoy not celebrating it , it will be noticed you havnt called him and its just another nail in his coffin .. roll on christmas thats what i say .. i ingnored him then too and will again . High Five sister .. and keep that phone in the car lol xx
April 5, 2011 - 7:28am (Reply to #46)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I was always down his throat....

and challenging him on things he said. We argued and fought constantly because I wouldn't take his crap. I have always been assertive and extremely opinionated, which is probably why the relationship didn't last longer than a year. He realized I could never be long-term potential because I called him on his shit. Of course this was mainly during the last 6 months when Prince Charming disappeared and I started getting to know the real guy. I suppose I "took it" when I kept believing his intentions and taking him back because I wanted it to work so badly and I loved him so much. That, and I didn't yet know I was dealing with a Narc. I mistakenly believed that if I lived near him as opposed to across the country, things would be different. That the long-distance thing was a big source of our problems. Now I know what he meant when he would say, "You're strong, J______ & B______ (previous victim & new GF) are so vulnerable, but you're strong." And I would think, what are you talking about? I'm weak when it comes to you. If I were strong, I wouldn't keep taking you back.
April 4, 2011 - 1:00pm (Reply to #43)
safyre99
safyre99's picture

Hugs coming your way Happy

Hugs to you and I'm sorry you're having a tough day. I completely understand. I couldn't agree more with Scoop... we've all changed and are stronger and the narcs haven't so you wouldn't be happy with your ex if you were to get back with him. You wouldn't put up with his crap and his mistreatment any longer. And, we all have to ask ourselves.. do we even LIKE our narc, as a person? I've asked myself that several times when I've wanted to contact my exN or wish I was still with him... do I even LIKE him and the person that he is? And, the answer for me and I'm sure for most of us on this board is NO! I may have been in love with him and was "addicted" to him, was physically attracted to him and I do still miss him, but I can honestly say I don't like him. He's not a good person. And, that does help me with my NC. We're all here for you Happy! Hugs
April 4, 2011 - 5:19pm (Reply to #45)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

safyre99

your post to Happy,{ and by the Happy hang on, it is just a stage, you ares strong and will get beyond this, it is normal to have these feelings},is so good because we do NOT like these men, I have zero respect for the EXNARC ,he harmed and ruined so many lives from his children to all his ex wives and girlfriends, me including, he is just a USER and ABUSER
April 4, 2011 - 1:08pm (Reply to #44)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you safre99

You are 100% right! Isn't it weird that we don't like them and have these cravings to talk to them! It's crazy when I think about it! I don't like him as a person and know he's a user and abuser and miss it. yuck! Thank you so much for your support!!!! Big Hugs to you!
April 4, 2011 - 12:11pm (Reply to #40)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Scoop

Your words really hit home...You're so right! I know I would be down his throat in a second if he put me down again or said something out of line. I could no longer sit quietly and accept it as I had in the past. So, as much as I want the drug of my narc, I know it would never ever last and I've changed for the better. Thank you! I needed to hear that. My phone will remain in the car the remainder of the day for my own sake and probably tomorrow too! Thanks Scoop! Happy
April 4, 2011 - 12:18pm (Reply to #41)
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Good for you :) continued

Good for you :) continued strength to you...NC..NC..NC!! ~KG
April 4, 2011 - 12:18pm (Reply to #42)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

kauaigirl

Thanks! It's you guys that really help me maintain the NC. I don't know what I would do without you guys! Thanks!
April 4, 2011 - 11:14am
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Thinking of you. Stay strong.

Thinking of you. Stay strong. You will be so proud of yourself when you succeed!
April 4, 2011 - 12:13pm (Reply to #38)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Alisa

Thank you! 4 months out and I know his birthday is a trigger. I will continue, but this is a long process. I just know it's going to be worth it to someday to appreciate me before any other man. I need to build on myself and not worry about a guy right now...especially the one man that has put me in a vulnerable state. Thanks for your support today!
April 4, 2011 - 11:11am
spinning
spinning's picture

Hap, I'm proud of you

for keeping your phone out of reach and for knowing you're especially vulnerable right now! You have come such a LONG LONG WAY!!!! That is great work. Also, the 'hit' is just temporary. Like with all hard-core drugs, the crash is way, way worse and much more prolonged. Good work, Happy. I know it's hard (I'm having an incredibly, surprising hard time after almost 5 months NC) but I'm determined to move past it. Sending you the good vibes. sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning

spinning

April 4, 2011 - 12:15pm (Reply to #36)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

spinning

Thanks! I felt my phone was too big of a temptation today. It's amazing after 4 months how the triggers can come and smack us in the face like this. I have been doing okay and today breaking down at work. I am glad I have you guys for the support. Thank you!
April 4, 2011 - 11:04am
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Happy

I think you should go get the phone and watch little baby get his wrist set! Remember that was your fault? I hope he jumps in Lake Michigan this summer and becomes fish food! :)
April 5, 2011 - 11:55am (Reply to #33)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Ideal

I told Happy last year that I'd be glad to buy him a case of vodka, triple wax the deck of his boat and put motor oil on his shoes . . . but only if he takes my narc with him.
April 5, 2011 - 12:06pm (Reply to #34)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

helldweller

We can always dream! haha! 8-)
April 4, 2011 - 12:16pm (Reply to #28)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

idealk

That's too funny! I do need to watch the video again. It will make me feel a little better I think. Thanks for the reminder of what a HUGE jerk he was that night. I hope he is fish food this year too!
April 4, 2011 - 12:26pm (Reply to #29)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Happy

I forgot that you had that video! LMAO! Watch the video and laugh! I'm sure that will make you feel better. I'd give a million dollars if I had a video like that! I hope he's fish food too and I hope you feel better soon! He's a PIG and he is NOT worth your 2 minutes of your time. You are beautiful, funny and you have a huge heart Happy and you deserve so much better.
April 4, 2011 - 12:29pm (Reply to #30)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you so much sara-smile!

I forgot I had the video myself and thank Idealk for reminding me! haha! I do need to watch it to remind me what a complete and utter jerk he really is! I really appreciate your support today! I hope this is just PMS for me today and it's over in a flash. I do have a lot of good days now. He is a huge PIG! I needed to hear that! Big Hugs! Happy1
April 4, 2011 - 12:35pm (Reply to #31)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Happy

If I ever get the chance to come to Chicago and visit you and Idealk I want to see the video! LOL! (How sick and twisted is that?) We should get some wine and popcorn and that would be some great entertainment! Maybe it is PMS or just a crappy day! Either way you are doing better and you'll continue to do better. Maybe if you are lucky he'll end up fish-food this summer! :)
April 4, 2011 - 12:39pm (Reply to #32)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

sara-smile

Great idea! This movie is worth popcorn and wine! 8-) I am hoping it's just PMS today. This too shall pass! Thank you!!
April 4, 2011 - 11:07am (Reply to #23)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

lol Ideal

I used to have fantacy's about pushing Happy's narc off his boat into the water and driving away on his boat, just leaving him in the middle of the water. I love the fish food part. Goldie
April 4, 2011 - 12:17pm (Reply to #24)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Goldie

I like those fantasies! I'm giving my narc all my bad energy today and keeping the good for myself. The fish wouldn't even like my narc. haha!
April 5, 2011 - 11:56am (Reply to #26)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Happy

If fish ate my narc they would die of alchol poisoning. Or boredom.
April 5, 2011 - 12:07pm (Reply to #27)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

helldweller

The problem is, fish don't eat shit.
April 4, 2011 - 12:41pm (Reply to #25)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Happy

Ok that was funny! Is there such a thing as a fresh water shark??? Oh wait.. There is it's called a NARC! Ideal
April 4, 2011 - 10:51am
dudette
dudette's picture

hugs to you Happy!

Happy - I am sorry that you arwe having such a tough time... It is so very hard, I know, I posted somewhere else that I am having a set back too.... When we apply this magical thinking thing, we imagine all sort so of nice things that they get up to with OWs Yesterday was mother's day in the UK. My EX N will have taken his son to vist OW for the week-end.... his son could have been my step son in another life... And so may be they had a nice time and may be they did not... but in all cases we know it is only an act, don't we? We all get discarded in the end. Just a matter of time. Hugs to you Happy. It will pass soon x stay NC honey x
April 4, 2011 - 12:18pm (Reply to #2)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

dudette

I'm sorry you had a trigger as well. Goldie said the first year is the hardest and to make new memories this year. It's something I will definitely try to do this year as I will do ANYTHING to get over my narc. Hugs to you! Happy
April 4, 2011 - 2:33pm (Reply to #3)
ewa
ewa's picture

I am feeling the same Happy.

I am feeling the same Happy. I have the feeling that i need to talk to him for last 2 days, it feels like a drug addiction. I know if i contacted him this feeling would go away for aprox 2 weeks. But I do not want to do it, it would help me only for short period of time and then the cycle would start again. I really do not want to break NC this time :(. Please stay strong! Hugs
April 4, 2011 - 2:44pm (Reply to #4)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

ewa

We will push through this day together then. It's not easy by any means. I know you are so right about the cycle starting again in we break NC. It will and we will be devistated all over again. We don't need that! Yuck! Hugs to you!
April 4, 2011 - 5:20pm (Reply to #5)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

Keep NC up! You are doing

Keep NC up! You are doing great! He ain't gonna change, and you deserve so much more. You have outgrown him!
April 4, 2011 - 7:07pm (Reply to #20)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Outgrowing in more ways than one....

That was a motif with the ex-Psych prof. He'd talk about children outgrowing their parents, students outgrowing their teachers. I think the latter showed he saw students as Primary NS (I was secondary NS, despite not being a spouse or lover/girlfriend) A motif in the final D&D, ironically, was that I'd outgrow him. He'd say that staying with him would like being stuck in childhood/school forever. He had seen me maturing, changing (my volunteering&writing in the college newsletter were sore spots)... and he was stuck in the current developmental stage my year old nephew is in. He couldn't bear the fact that one day I wouldn't see him as an authority figure or mentor anymore... that I'd see him as an ordinary Joe (no offense to Joes), with the same flaws as anybody else. If I can be patient with a professor who acts like a toddler, I can DEFINITELY be patient with a toddler! He was just the test run. And since he was so robotic, beta mode.
April 4, 2011 - 7:56pm (Reply to #21)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Susan32

Very good point! We do outgrow our narcs eventually! Thank you!
April 4, 2011 - 6:15pm (Reply to #6)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Redhead1

Thanks so much for the Encouragement. I feel I'm mourning him again thinking of his birthday tomorrow and us celebrating it last year. You're right though. I have outgrown him. Thank you! I guess I need to suffer now so I appreciate the good things. Happy
April 4, 2011 - 7:58pm (Reply to #7)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Happy

Please. How was that Birthday celebration really? Im sure you planned something fabulous and he criticized something or everything. I bet he even returned the well thought out gift you got him. Do tell us how that special occasion went? :) He's an snaggletooth asshole. Idealk
April 4, 2011 - 8:20pm (Reply to #18)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Idealk

He did complain about what I bought him. I bought him a really nice stained glass AU lamp and he said when he took it to work that it wasn't working. Nothing I ever bought him worked or he didn't like it. I never could do anything right. Good times!
April 4, 2011 - 8:26pm (Reply to #19)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Unappreciated gifts

I think there is a Tibetan Buddhist goddess who rides a white elephant, and I'm her ;) I gave a "trinity spice mix" to my senior thesis advisor, and those on my committee-and that included the ex-Psych prof. Since it was after the final D&D, when he complained... my response was a shrug and eye roll. I asked him if he wanted to return it... or give it back to me. He was backed into a corner. I made an incredibly sarcastic comment and walked off about how he couldn't appreciate anything. He complained that it was too spicy;he didn't like spices because he had something like IBS (it seems to be common among Narcs because emotional repression is often connected with it, my Narc grandmother also has it) I'm an Expert on What He Dislikes--namely, everything.
April 4, 2011 - 8:09pm (Reply to #8)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Idealk

Snaggletooth? Does Happy's Narc need a Orthodontist too? Maybe we could get them a group discount!!
April 4, 2011 - 8:17pm (Reply to #17)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

sara-smile and ideal

You made me smile! He is a snaggletooth and in need of an orthodontist. 8-)
April 4, 2011 - 8:15pm (Reply to #9)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sara

I think it may be something to look out for in the future. No men with bad teeth. :) Idealk
April 4, 2011 - 8:26pm (Reply to #13)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Happy/Idealk

Good advice! No men with bad teeth!! LOL LOL Happy - Do you ever wonder why you were ever attracted to a snaggletoothed man? I look at mine now and think DAMN! Go see a dentist please! :)
April 4, 2011 - 8:30pm (Reply to #15)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

sara

I wonder why Baldie turned me on and he's short. YUCK!!
April 4, 2011 - 8:37pm (Reply to #16)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Idealk

We will add no short bald men to the list!!! No bad teeth and no short bald men! Happy - please keep Idealk away from short bald men and Idealk you check the teeth of any man Happy seems interested it! LOL LOL Love ya'll!
April 4, 2011 - 8:29pm (Reply to #14)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

sara-smile

I want to see ugly but am still not there. It helps when others say he's not though. 8-)
April 4, 2011 - 8:18pm (Reply to #10)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

idealk

I'm just going no men for now. Flirting is fun and that's my limit to gain back some confidence.
April 4, 2011 - 8:25pm (Reply to #11)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

21

That's all Im gonna say :)
April 4, 2011 - 8:30pm (Reply to #12)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

idealk

21 is the new 39! 8-)