I’m 24 hrs. into discovering your website and learning that I’m NOT crazy from addiction to a controlling, screwed up Narc., with anti-social behavior. First let me tell you that I’m married., but not happily which is how my narc slipped into my life. My husband of 18 years decided one day that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that I had “hurt” him too much. All of this was out of the blue. He had never said a word to me prior to his announcement. I spent a year shocked, hurt and confused. Then entered my friend. He was someone I had a crush on when I was 13. I had a brief sexual/relationship with him when I was 25, and now here I am at 49. I have figured out that my extreme obsession with him has become a bad , really bad addiction. I’m going to go into detail below with my story in the hope that you can tell what you think he has. It’s all so bizarre…
My Narc showed up on my Facebook account a little over a year ago full of flattery and loving words I melted. We would occasionally send emails until I got a job that would take me out of town, alone for days at a time. I was in my hotel room one night, board and saw him online so we chatted. From that day he crossed lines with slipping in “honey” when he knew I was married. He would say the sweetest things, that I needed to hear. I started obsessing. Two months later I flew to where he lived, coincidentally one mile from my sister’s house. I was so excited to see him I had dreamt of this for months. (I dieted, exercised like crazy, had my hair and nails done, my beauty overhaul). One hour before our planned dinner he called to say it really wasn’t a good day could we make it a two days later when he would be paid for a job and take me out. I thought no money, I had no idea what a loser he is at that point. I was so anxious to just see him, I’d waited so long, and flew so far, so I suggested I bring over a bottle of wine and we can visit. Within ten minutes of being with him he asked if he could kiss me even though he knew I had been married for 18 years. It made me nervous but I said yes. We wound up going to dinner (I paid of course). He held my hand told me how giving and caring he was. How he gives himself completely. He kissed me several times during dinner – awkward, but I thought well this is exciting okay I’ll go with it. Later that evening he grabbed my crouch out of the blue – another bizarre move. I left and before I got home there was a text from him saying how amazing the night was, the best night he’d had in years.
Two days later we made plans to get together again. I couldn’t wait he was sucking me in. When I arrived to pick him up (he didn’t have a car) he got in and looked and smelled like he hadn’t showered since I’d seen him last. I noticed he was acting strange. Then 30 minutes later he blew up and said I was making him feel lousy about himself and ranted about rich people and blah, blah, blah. I started cry. He said well, do you want to come in for a glass of wine – I thought what are you crazy – yes he is! I said no and drove off. I cried for hours. Then, like an idiot I called him. He was so apologetic and soothing and said I’ll make it up to you and make you dinner. Three days later as I was waiting for my flight to go home, I received a text telling me how sorry he was to have pushed me away and how difficult it was that I was leaving, and he loved me. I was so hooked and I don’t know why!
I continued to text and we would call each other almost everyday. I was in a complete daze consumed with thoughts of him. It didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t help myself. Every time I felt I just couldn’t do it any longer he would beg me to not give up on us. He loved and needed me. Since then I have flown out to see him three times. Been mentally abused each time. He’s displayed zombie like behavior, had strange outbursts when I ask him the simplest things. He’s sexually manipulated me with texts that were so bizarre. He made himself out to be an amazing lover. We had some wonderful times, but sometimes it was too much and he new he was crossing the line. This last time I showed up to see him and couldn’t wait to be with him. On day three, when I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t touched me I tried to ask him why and he freaked out and started chasing me out of his house kicking and swinging. I was so hurt and confused. I was a zombie for days. But, like an idiot I contacted him before I left.
I should also mention that I live a very nice lifestyle; my house is always clean and looks great. I take care of myself, dress well, and have been extremely successful in my career. So what is most perplexing for me is that my friend makes no money, he has no car and doesn’t have his drivers license. He is a complete slob, a drug addict, and sleeps around the clock. He’s a constant on-line game fanatic, he’ll get up in the middle of the night to play games! He admitted that he has not a normal relationship with his father because he so angry for leaving when he was a young boy. His mother passed away two years ago and he hadn’t known until he did a search to find her. He’s told me tall tales filled with rage and violence with great pleasure. ALL of these things repulse me and yet I have been hopelessly in love with him. I have spent hours laying in bed just thinking of him. I’ve cried, I’ve lied to people I care about. I’ve sent him thousands of dollars to help him get back on his feet. I’ve felt like I was loosing my mind, almost had a breakdown. Now he barely sends me texts and occasionally chats with me when he feels like acknowledging that I’m online. I can’t stop myself from contacting him everyday! I am, due to fly to my sisters in three days and of course he thinks I’m coming to see him. In desperation I looked up narcissism and found your website. HELP!